leaving children for 6 months

Kimberley82

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Well, I am amazed. I, most of my family, and my daughter go to private (boarding) schools and I have NEVER heard of children only going home in the summer holidays!

really? I dont have much experiance as I myself have only been to one but about one third of the students who borded did this, we are talking secondary school here

Lunar_Eclipse

Welshwoofs wrote: »

the majority they do it because they feel that it will give them the best education and start in life.

If you really do mean best start in life, then I assume you're talking about young children boarding (traditionally many go at 8), in which case I honestly don't believe that is true, deep down for the majority of parents. At 13+ I can imagine that to be the case, because those five years are huge in child development terms. (I have a 12 year old and it's striking me daily how she's more like an adult in her behaviour and maturity than a young child.)

There are many instances where boarding schools will be in the best interests of the child (I have a friend looking into it now for her 10 year old due to an incredibly stressful home life that is impacting the child badly), but I can't help but feel that some parents have very misguided wisdom if they think the best education comes from boarding at the traditional age of 8. It must come down to how people define education.

As a nation, we are ridiculously obsessed with exam results.

emsywoo123

Kimberley82 wrote: »

really? I dont have much experiance as I myself have only been to one but about one third of the students who borded did this, we are talking secondary school here

Really. Never heard of it.

Lunar_Eclipse

Welshwoofs wrote: »

I really wouldn't let your feelings lead you to believing that it's the action of unloving parents because that's simply not the case.

But it often is the case, especially in the most expensive schools.

We're currently looking at secondary schools for our youngest. One serious contender is a boarding school (not for that reason, boarding is out.) As with most boarding schools, it has some day pupils, but they are a tiny minority by the time children reach 16. My parents live on the doorstep and all they hear is how it's where the rich get rid of the burden of their children. It's true, but presumably not for all the children who go there.

You are both right. Boarding schools are probably the easiest solution for wealthy parents who have better things to be doing than parenting their children (as an aside, they can still love them and feel this way!) Also, many much wanted and loved children board.

vic_sf49

I say go for it - not many people get offered their dream job.

Everyone can speculate about how your kids will cope, how their loving father will cope, and whether you'll cope, but until you try it, none of you will know.

Parents work away for all sorts of reasons, and leave the kids with one parent, a close relative, or in boarding school (and a million other circumstances).

I'm sure you'll all miss each other, but I highly doubt there will be any major dramas.

If you and your loved ones are all on board with the idea, don't let anyone guilt you into not taking it.

sausageface

I know people have asked throughout the thread why do you want to do it and you say it's about furthering your career. But, if you look through your past posts (I don't want to seem like a snooper but this thread has really intrigued me) in the past 18 months: you have always wanted to be an accountant, you have wanted to be a surrogate, you have had an affair, your younger child's behaviour changed for the worse when you started work after being a SAHM, you suspected your older child have dyslexia, you asked what would happen to your share of the house you were buying with your OH if you split as things weren't going well, your husband hit you, you've said you have suffered from depression for most of your adult life...

If your younger child had behavioural issues when you started work imagine what they will be like if you sail off into the sunset for 6 months without them? Some families would be able to take the separation but, in my opinion, I don't think yours will. You have had a lot of stuff going on and some things can't be helped but some things that can and it seems to me that you are just not happy. If you are not happy with you/being you here just remember that you will still be the same person on that ship but you will have committed yourself to leaving your children for 6 months as well.

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

Six months without sex!!! Boy, you must want that job BAD!

anguk

DKLS wrote: »

That's fine for you if you don't perceive a cost, however I have met women who have sacrificed their lives for their children, and when the children leave their nest they have become lost almost without identity after so many years being mummy and consequently find it very hard to work out who they are.

I can understand that, I have known women who struggled when their children left home and their grandchildren then became their lives. I personally haven't had that problem, I have my own identity and I've always known who I am.

Some women are very career-minded, that's never appealed to me, even when I was young before children came along. I've always been a homebody and have lots of interests that keep me occupied and happy. We're all different and we all live our lives in a different way, I wanted children and I felt strongly that I was going to be the person who raised them. That's not to say my way is the right way for everyone, it's not, it was the right way for me and my family.

It's the same with boarding schools, what's normal in one family will be different in another family. For some families it's completely normal for each generation to go to boarding school, it's what the children know, expect and accept. For someone else who has never had boarders in their close or extended family the idea of sending a child away to boarding school may be completely alien.

We're all different, for some women having an exciting career is their dream, for others it's children round her feet and chickens in the garden. One woman's idea of heaven can be another's idea of hell.

anguk

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Well, I am amazed. I, most of my family, and my daughter go to private (boarding) schools and I have NEVER heard of children only going home in the summer holidays!

My son's partner went to boarding school from 11 to 18 (parents divorced, mother had very serious mental health problems, father had custody but he worked abroad), he went home every holiday but many of his friends only went home at Christmas and in the summer.

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

Hmmm, less than a year ago in response to someone considering giving up work to stay at home with their children you said
"I didnt work for 8 years, I loved having that time with my children and feel my children really benefited too. If you can afford it and are both happy then go for it. Children grow up so fast make the most of them."

As the main carer of your children for their whole lives, I would imagine your move away for six months would be pretty traumatic for them. Six months is a long, long, time for children at that age