leaving children for 6 months

jellyhead

euronorris wrote: »

Or, it could be based on their experiences with their own husbands interaction with the kids. If their hubbies find it challenging to remain calm, or don't keep track of the kids schedules (with clubs, after school activities etc), etc etc then it may be hard for them to envisage their husbands being in charge of the kids 24/7. Maybe it just wouldn't work for them. But that, of course, does not mean that it wouldn't work for every family, or that Kimberley's husband wouldn't be able to cope.

Everyone's different I suppose. My friend's husband would genuinely lose his head if it wasn't attached (as would I!) but most of the men I know are just as capable as the mother is ... in some cases the men are not given the opportunity to find out, as the mother is worried that her position will be usurped.

I know that if I were away (in hospital for example) my husband would be capable of doing everything properly. He's not as soft as I am, he is more results driven, so my teenager might not talk as much if I weren't around. My 6 year old would probably start to cuddle dad a lot more if I weren't there but perhaps his clinging is just habit and maybe he'd do without. I think they'd be fine though. Not for 6 months though, maybe a few weeks.

My husband would feed them, do bedtime stories, cooking etc. with them and remember all their activities and school uniform.

Thinking back to my own childhood my parents conformed more to the gender stereotypes and my dad went to the pub, leaving everything to my mum to deal with. I doubt he'd have been able to even tell us apart if he'd ever had to babysit. Families have changed a lot since then though, and fathers are much more involved with their children. Or perhaps I just have a very organised husband? One of us has to be :rotfl:

pukkamum

From reading some of the OP's other threads, depression, infidelity, children with behavioural issues, i do wonder if this isn't more about running away from her problems than doing a dream job.

I have a friend who works on a cruise ship (sails the world) and though he does enjoy some aspects he says most of it is extremely monotonous and boring, watching and listening to the same people doing the same things day in day out in the same places.

euronorris

jellyhead wrote: »

Everyone's different I suppose. My friend's husband would genuinely lose his head if it wasn't attached (as would I!) but most of the men I know are just as capable as the mother is ... in some cases the men are not given the opportunity to find out, as the mother is worried that her position will be usurped.

I also think that this plays a large part in it, especially the part at the end which I highlighted.

I also think that men can sometimes then feel a bit useless or clueless about it all. It can seem a bit intimidating to them I think. We haven't got any children yet, but we're discussing it more and more often now (hope to start trying soon ), and OH can be very, very self conscious about his lack of knowledge/experience in this area. I KNOW that he is more than capable of doing it all, and will be a great Dad, but he's simply had far less exposure to it, particularly babies. Whereas I became an aunt at the age of 16, and am now an aunt to 7 in total. I've always helped out, asked questions, babysat etc etc etc, so it's built up my knowledge base and experience. That's the only difference. So, the plan is to involve him as much as possible with all aspects (though dirty nappies don't appeal to him much! :rotfl:), so that he can build up knowledge, experience and confidence.

Kimberley

sausageface wrote: »

I know people have asked throughout the thread why do you want to do it and you say it's about furthering your career. But, if you look through your past posts (I don't want to seem like a snooper but this thread has really intrigued me) in the past 18 months: you have always wanted to be an accountant, you have wanted to be a surrogate, you have had an affair, your younger child's behaviour changed for the worse when you started work after being a SAHM, you suspected your older child have dyslexia, you asked what would happen to your share of the house you were buying with your OH if you split as things weren't going well, your husband hit you, you've said you have suffered from depression for most of your adult life...

Goodness me why do so many people put their daily lives and personnel buisness on these forums? You must know her more then her neighbours :eek:

anguk

pukkamum wrote: »

From reading some of the OP's other threads, depression, infidelity, children with behavioural issues, i do wonder if this isn't more about running away from her problems than doing a dream job.

I have a friend who works on a cruise ship (sails the world) and though he does enjoy some aspects he says most of it is extremely monotonous and boring, watching and listening to the same people doing the same things day in day out in the same places.

That's what would worry me. I think 6 months away would be okay with a stable marriage, settled kids with no problems etc but the OP seems to have had a lot of problems over the past year both with the marriage and with the kids. Apart from the affair and her husband hitting her, the youngest had a few problems when the OP went back to work after being a SAHM for 8 years, if the child found that difficult how will he be when he won't see his mum for 6 months?

I must admit it sounds to me that the OP isn't entirely happy with her life and this is a way to escape from it.

Gorgeous_But_Grumpy

I don't think anyone is suggesting that most men aren't very capable of looking after children, but this is full time, day in, day out, for six months, whilst I presume he will still be working full time himself? Has the father ever even looked after the children 24/7 for a week?
Ask any single parent how difficult it is, I doubt any would choose to be in that position given the alternative of a happy two-parent family.
Children of 8 and 9 have little concept of time, it would be pointless to ask them their opinion. No amount of little gifts, postcards and an atlas would make up for a mother's arms wrapped around them.
If you want to go, you should go, just don't kid yourself that you are doing it to further your career and that your children will not suffer any detrimental effect. When you are sitting alone in your 10ft x 10ft windowless cabin, I hope you don't regret those six months and that your husband and children are still waiting for you when you get back

suki1001

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Because a list of instances were given where parents are away from their children - including such things as parents working abroad or children going to boarding school. There was then a few comments from people saying they couldn't understand how parents could send their children away to boarding school anyway. So I'm answering why people do (and why I would).

But plenty of children who go to boarding school don't board at them, so they get the best of both worlds.
Secondly, you could plan all you want, but of the people I know, there are plenty who hated the experience.
All children are different, not everyone is suited to it, hypothetically speaking, what if you had a child who didn't suit it? Hated playing rugby 6 days a week?

I have a son who I think would cope, but a daughter who is very close to me and I know would probably be very miserable at boarding school.

We all have plans for our children and plan how we would do it, but the reality of that when they come along is that it's rarely exactly how you think it's going to be.
I've had friends who've spouted their child is going to private school etc and when they've had them, it hasn't panned out that way.

jellyhead

Kimberley82 wrote: »

As I have said before on this post, I know the hours are 12 plus a day with hardly any time off, its not the life style I am going for or to escape anything.

Just wondering - if you worked a 12 hour day when would you speak to the children? Or am I being thick, and you'd be in a different time zone so they would be awake before or after you started work?

Also, something that happened this week to someone I know ... does your husband's support network include some women? Not that Dad isn't a good substitute but most little girls talk to their mum when their periods start - would your daughter have someone she'd be able to talk to if it happened to her? I hope that doesn't sound sexist, it's not meant to be - it was my dad who told me about periods, not my mum - but when it happened I went to my mum, not dad.

meritaten

my sister has a sister-in-law who worked the cruise ships. as a singer so she was 'entertainment'. YOU would be a bit below that in the ship heirarchy. and as Jane McDonald is the only person I know that has been 'discovered' while working on a cruise ship (and that is only cos she was on a TV documentary) I think that your claim that its a step up in your career is rather spurious.
I think you want to run away - and you are choosing a very cowardly way of doing so. claiming to further your career - I dont think so - the successful hairdressers seem to be based on dry land!

Gigervamp

jellyhead wrote: »

Also, something that happened this week to someone I know ... does your husband's support network include some women? Not that Dad isn't a good substitute but most little girls talk to their mum when their periods start - would your daughter have someone she'd be able to talk to if it happened to her? I hope that doesn't sound sexist, it's not meant to be - it was my dad who told me about periods, not my mum - but when it happened I went to my mum, not dad.

Good point. A lot of girls now start their periods at age 9 or 10. My DD did, and I didn't start until I was 15, so you can't go by when you started as a hereditory thing.