leaving children for 6 months

Person_one

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Yes, it is a huge change. But then huge changes do happen in life, even when we're children. To me it's about how you manage a change rather than avoiding all changes and I hand on heart believe that these sorts of things teach kids good coping skills in life. In my (albeit limited) experience of children, the ones who are the most cottonwooled during childhood are also the ones who seem to have the most difficulty coping with difficult situations when they're older.

I feel strongly that its children who have a solid emotional base and feel secure that are best able to cope with difficult situations later in life. I'm pretty sure that the evidence backs this up but then you'll ask me for journal references and I'm all journalled out today (as well as arguing the toss on here I'm writing an epidemiology assignment between posts!)

I expect you'd have considered my childhood overly 'cottonwooled', but what I felt in reality was loved, secure, value and an integral part of a strong family unit that provided a solid base and an emotional resilience. I had to cope with a few traumas including bereavements before I was 25 and my childhood of open affection and affirmation didn't prevent me from coping with them at all. That's also a limited experience but it completely contradicts yours I'm afraid.

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

Its a balance. A parent who works away need not emotionally stunt their child, neither need a sahp. But both could!

If we had a child i would be a sahp, dh would work away still, and shock horror, later it would be very likely to board. Poor thing would be scuppered on all counts, with the worst of all worlds.:D

I don't think you can be a stay at home parent if the child isn't there...

Marisco

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think you can be a stay at home parent if the child isn't there...

I think she means she'd be a sahp until the child was 8 and went to boarding school.

Just looked (I'm getting mixed up here!!) she didn't say 8 at all!! But until the kid went to boarding school

lostinrates

Marisco wrote: »

I think she means she'd be a sahp until the child was 8 and went to boarding school.

Just looked (I'm getting mixed up here!!) she didn't say 8 at all!! But until the kid went to boarding school

And during holidays (which are longer that at other schopols as has been pointed out) and if the child were ill, or in events that parents attend during the day time...sports, arts etc.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

I feel strongly that its children who have a solid emotional base and feel secure that are best able to cope with difficult situations later in life. I'm pretty sure that the evidence backs this up but then you'll ask me for journal references and I'm all journalled out today (as well as arguing the toss on here I'm writing an epidemiology assignment between posts!)

I expect you'd have considered my childhood overly 'cottonwooled', but what I felt in reality was loved, secure, value and an integral part of a strong family unit that provided a solid base and an emotional resilience. I had to cope with a few traumas including bereavements before I was 25 and my childhood of open affection and affirmation didn't prevent me from coping with them at all. That's also a limited experience but it completely contradicts yours I'm afraid.

Why does it have to contradict, why can it not be that there is more than one acdeptable way to raise a child?

Fwiw, we can all state, and many of us has, the impact on our own lives of our childhoods, but the truth is, others may see what we perceive as positve as less so...but differences in people,s manner and communication are like all other differences....generally to be accpeted and considered healthy in society!

cleggie

I wouldnt do it, but that doesnt mean that YOU shouldnt!
I havent read any of the replies so far, but i would say that if its a huge dream of yours, and your husband/partner and children are in agreement, then go for it!

Once you become a mum, you dont cease to exist on any other level! You are still a woman with dreams and plans and a life outside of having children. Being a mum shouldnt be the only thing in your whole life, as one day they are old enough to leave!

Just imagine what a brilliant example you will set your children, to be brave, adventurous, to do something different with life.

It's not like you will never be able to call, write, SKYPE etc!

Person_one

lostinrates wrote: »

And during holidays (which are longer that at other schopols as has been pointed out) and if the child were ill, or in events that parents attend during the day time...sports, arts etc.

So you wouldn't work then, in order to be free for sports days and half terms? But you'd still send your kid to board?

Northern_Princess

Person_one wrote: »

I don't think you can be a stay at home parent if the child isn't there...

Yes you can I was. Shoot me now I sent my daughter to boarding school and I stayed at home. I boarded too, and my mum stayed at home. Everyone's circumstances are different as to why they make these decisions.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

So you wouldn't work then, in order to be free for sports days and half terms? But you'd still send your kid to board?

Not quite, i do not work away from home now, i am a sahw. I have a micro business and do the occasional bit and bob, nothing earth shattering and all pretty flexible. I would expect to continue that.

Whether i sent a child to board would in fact depend on the child, who he or she was and what we felt would be most beneficial for him or her. E.g. It would not be totally out of the question that our child would go to school in a different country if we felt the other system were better for it. I would want it to be a short haul flight away though so i could there in a hurry. I was on a different continent from my parents a lot of the time, and for a long term basis i would not choose that ideally. Not so different to when my husband and i lived in different countries and weekend commuted, while this would be out of the question for many it was our norm. My fil weekly commuted from nyc to london for a while, so again, there is precident for this sort of situation working in our family and would not suit all families.

Person_one

Northern_Princess wrote: »

Yes you can I was. Shoot me now I sent my daughter to boarding school and I stayed at home. I boarded too, and my mum stayed at home. Everyone's circumstances are different as to why they make these decisions.

Why did you make that decision?

I'm completely serious, I can't get my head round why someone who actually liked their children would do that, unless they were severely disabled perhaps to spare the child carer duties.