leaving children for 6 months

lostinrates

robpw2 wrote: »

i just thought , if the kids were in boarding school they would be away for about 5 months and they wouldnt get to skype every night so this is only 1 month more and they get there dad which is a huge bonus

Thats how it was for me, but that is diofferent now too, they mostly have mobiles, speak to their parents and friends not at school or extended family everynight on mobiles or skype. Its nithing like it used to be!

lostinrates

crusty_toenail wrote: »

I think about how I was as a child at the same age as your children are now and I can't imagine how heart breaking it would be for my mother to do something like this.

My mother was abandoned for months at a time by her own mother in search of selfish ends and was left to be raised by grand parents.

It had such a negative effect on her that effects even my relationship with her because she was abandoned by the person that was supposed to love her more than anything in the world.

As a result my mother does not know how to emotionally bond with me, or show love or other mothering qualities, and never really wanted kids.

You just have no idea what a negative effect this will have, which goes down the generations...........is it something you will feel proud of in your death bed.....chasing after the wind?

You are speaking of a situation where the separation was repeated and for 'selfish ends'. This is a one off and cold be for the betterment of the family. My experience of it is different, mixed certainly, but generally positive.

Welshwoofs

Person_one wrote: »

I think the biggest issue here is the huge change. These children are used to mum being there every day and then overnight she'll be pretty much completely gone. No visits, very few phone calls, thousands of miles away and busy for 12 hours a day.

Yes, it is a huge change. But then huge changes do happen in life, even when we're children. To me it's about how you manage a change rather than avoiding all changes and I hand on heart believe that these sorts of things teach kids good coping skills in life. In my (albeit limited) experience of children, the ones who are the most cottonwooled during childhood are also the ones who seem to have the most difficulty coping with difficult situations when they're older.

I think you probably know from previous threads that I've no time for double standards based on gender so you'll just have to trust me that this isn't an issue in my posts.

Oh I absolutely know you're not guilty of double standards on these gender issues, but there's a decent amount of women on this board who are and we see it across every subject from child-rearing to domestic violence to extra-marital affairs.

I believe you've also made the same decision as me, to be child free, was that not partly because you wanted to retain the freedom to do the kind of thing the OP is considering?

Nope, I didn't have children because I fully believe that the world is over-populated and almost all moderation problems we experience have their root cause. I couldn't, in all conscious, add to those problems and I honestly believe that this world is not going to be a very nice place to live in very soon (as in 30-50 years).

Lastly, your dog, I wouldn't leave mine for 6 months, it wouldn't be fair after I'd made the commitment to care for them, I suspect you wouldn't either, why would it be easier with children?

If it was a career changing opportunity then yes I would leave my dog for 6 months because I know my Mother would look after him and he'd be looked after well and have fun. I work away 1 week a month and she looks after him then and doesn't suffer from my absence. What I wouldn't do is leave him in the care of a stranger or in kennels.

So in my mind it really comes down to the support network - there's a difference between going away and leaving your kids to strangers or distant relatives and going away and leaving your kids in the care of the Father who they're with every day and who has equal input in their raising anyway.

Welshwoofs

crusty_toenail wrote: »

You just have no idea what a negative effect this will have, which goes down the generations...........is it something you will feel proud of in your death bed.....chasing after the wind?

Sorry, but I think the above is totally out of order. You appear to be taking your own family problems and projecting them on the op.

Lunar_Eclipse

Welshwoofs wrote: »

A good example here are parents who allow their kids to decide whether they move house, go to a certain school etc.

I let my daughter choose her secondary school. :rotfl:She's at one of the best schools in the country and all the options were acceptable to everyone, so I hardly think that would make anyone a bad parent.

As an aside, moving house is different. That directly affects the whole family, whereas a school only directly affects the person going, although can indirectly affect other members of the family.

emsywoo123

robpw2 wrote: »

i just thought , if the kids were in boarding school they would be away for about 5 months and they wouldnt get to skype every night so this is only 1 month more and they get there dad which is a huge bonus

Why 5 months?

aliasojo

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Why 5 months?

Maybe approximate term time? Aug/Sep till Dec for example.

emsywoo123

aliasojo wrote: »

Maybe approximate term time? Aug/Sep till Dec for example.

Boarding schools generally have shorter terms. Mine were 10 weeks. So *max* 3 months at a time?

aliasojo

emsywoo123 wrote: »

Boarding schools generally have shorter terms. Mine were 10 weeks. So *max* 3 months at a time?

Ah, didn't know that. Perhaps most people assume that the terms are similar to normal day schools.

milliemonster

I couldn't leave my kids for this length of time, and it has nothing to do with what other people would think, i couldn't care less what other people would think to be honest, i just personally couldn't leave them, for anything or anyone, and the main reason why is because if anything happened to them while I was away I would never forgive myself that I hadn't been around, when I had my children I made the decision that I would have to sacrifice certain things myself to ensure their care and needs came first, until they were of an age where they were independent and I could start to put my own needs first again. I don't think at 8 and 9 your kids are in that position yet, no matter whose care they are in.

It's each to their own at the end of the day, but no matter how fantastic an opportunity presented itself, I couldn't be apart from my children for anything