leaving children for 6 months

Person_one

I think the degree sounds like a better option for all of you.

quantumleap

Kimberley82 wrote: »

The reason I asked was nt for validation but to hear other opioions, there have been things said that have made myself and my husband (he is reading this too) think about things and opened other discusions.

You sound like a genuinely decent person Kimberley and I have been, I suppose, quite determined in my replies. It is mainly because as the Dad of 3 kids who does his equal share and encourages his wife to have interests other than me and the kids, I could not contemplate my wife leaving for 6 months and it not having a negative effect on both me and the children.


You say your main reason is the opportunity to further your career when you return. I really believe that the university route as well as gaining experience in salons would give you a much better chance of a career than a cruise ship for 6 months.


How many cruise ship singers/acts get through on X Factor or BGT? It is almost the kiss of death. . Do you not think the same might apply to you?

Kimberley82

quantumleap wrote: »

You sound like a genuinely decent person Kimberley and I have been, I suppose, quite determined in my replies. It is mainly because as the Dad of 3 kids who does his equal share and encourages his wife to have interests other than me and the kids, I could not contemplate my wife leaving for 6 months and it not having a negative effect on both me and the children.


You say your main reason is the opportunity to further your career when you return. I really believe that the university route as well as gaining experience in salons would give you a much better chance of a career than a cruise ship for 6 months.


How many cruise ship singers/acts get through on X Factor or BGT? It is almost the kiss of death. . Do you not think the same might apply to you?

Its something I have researched, the degree is something that I will do at some point anyway even if I do go. I will be away far longer over all while doing my degree than for this.

Person_one

Kimberley82 wrote: »

Its something I have researched, the degree is something that I will do at some point anyway even if I do go. I will be away far longer over all while doing my degree than for this.

Can you not do the degree close to home? What course is it?

quantumleap

Kimberley82 wrote: »

Its something I have researched, the degree is something that I will do at some point anyway even if I do go. I will be away far longer over all while doing my degree than for this.

The difference surely is that you'll be doing a degree in the same country so even if you are living away from the family home you'll be able to see the kids at weekends, perhaps even during the week. The major issue I would have with the cruise is that there is no personal contact for 6 months - I just think it is too long for it not to negatively affect the children.


Let me ask a genuine question (clearly you don't have to answer!) but do you not accept in any way that there will be at least some negative/detrimental effect on your children if you go?


I mean I assume you have the usual mother/child relationship with them and as such I just can't imagine how on earth their couldn't be.

anguk

FatVonD wrote: »

At what level are you currently working in the UK? Would you not consider getting your own salon or taking some management courses to work towards that (maybe that's what uni is for?) I don't know a lot about hairdressing but I do know that the only ones that seem to be making good money are the owners?

I agree with this. I know someone who started training at 16 at a local salon, she qualified then when she was in her early 20s and pregnant she and her partner looked into buying a house (she was still living at home then). In the end they bought an "old lady" salon with a little flat above, completely gutted the salon, made it young and trendy and the business took off. After a few years they moved out of the flat and bought a house. Now 15 years later she has the original salon plus two others including a big hair & beauty place. The businesses are very successful and she's loaded.

Welshwoofs

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Since I raised it, I'm going to comment. There should be some positives associated in taking the job, but given the circumstances, it is beyond reasonable doubt that going away for six months will upset and distress the children (which is what being spiteful means.)

With all due respect, spiteful means doing something out of malice and I can't imagine that the op bears any malice towards her children. If you disagree with her then perhaps you could say she's being selfish or even thoughtless - but spiteful? No.

Personally, the martyr comment has riled me. Since when is parenting an either/or scenario? Parenting shouldn't be about either the parents ruling the family unit in an authoritarian, highly disciplinarian fashion or give in totally to the children. There is lots of middle ground, which is where many people actually live (and you'll have noticed them on this thread.) I believe in everyone in the family unit having a voice. We are individual and collective when we become a family. There's no hope for the next generation if they aren't listened to and treated with the respect every individual deserves.

Yes we are talking about a middle ground, but I don't term going away on a 6 month contract an extreme. I'd say that's a reasonable middle ground - it's not going away 6 months every year, it's going away once. I also believe everyone should have a voice in a family, but I don't believe those voices are equal. Ultimately I think you should take a child's opinion on board, but that doesn't necessarily mean you do what they want. A good example here are parents who allow their kids to decide whether they move house, go to a certain school etc. Some decision are too big for children to have a say in, but that doesn't mean that you don't take their feelings into account.

crusty_toenail

I think about how I was as a child at the same age as your children are now and I can't imagine how heart breaking it would be for my mother to do something like this.

My mother was abandoned for months at a time by her own mother in search of selfish ends and was left to be raised by grand parents.

It had such a negative effect on her that effects even my relationship with her because she was abandoned by the person that was supposed to love her more than anything in the world.

As a result my mother does not know how to emotionally bond with me, or show love or other mothering qualities, and never really wanted kids.

You just have no idea what a negative effect this will have, which goes down the generations...........is it something you will feel proud of in your death bed.....chasing after the wind?

robpw2

i just thought , if the kids were in boarding school they would be away for about 5 months and they wouldnt get to skype every night so this is only 1 month more and they get there dad which is a huge bonus

lostinrates

Kimberly,

What kind of salon do you want eventually? You mention working ina top class salon afterwards, are these where you live now or would that mean moving? Do you have any area of special interest?

E.g. As a curly haired person i am always sure there is a market for really good open minded curly hairdressers. People who have read things like curly curl and are prepared to work with people within their routines, and possibly experiment into other ideas. The curly hair specialist hair dressers are few and far bewtween and promoted on curly hair forums.

I am sure the same must exist for some other hair types, e.g. Long hair.

I think knowing whether its having your own salon, and what sort of salon you want to have, or working in top salons, which might mainly be in london or other main cities and may mean a move, might help make clear which is the right path.

Working on a cruise ship would not really inspire me to go to your salon, for me an interest in my hair type way above and beyond what is taught in colleges and main stream hair dressing really would.