leaving children for 6 months

mummyroysof3

i personally would never even think about doing it but every person and family is different. How are the kids going to actually feel compared to how you think they will feel? being ill and mum not there, waking upon christmas morning without mum? 6 months is very different to a couple of week or months with very little contact.

you and your husband might not be able to be honest with each other as he might not want to say how much they are all missing you in case you think hes trying to make you feel guilty etc..going to be very very hard imo..is it worth it?

thatgirlsam

GracieP wrote: »

:DYeah I know, I'm actually just messing, I don't really take words like netiquette seriously. It's just my that my hyperemesis has gone away and I'm feeling stupidly giddy. I guess I should actually have made better use of the smilies myself. (Where's a facepalm smilie when you need one?)


Edit: Apologies DuckEggGingham, you didn't deserve to end up the butt of my silly mood. I'll go back to tormenting my husband.

Gracie, thats really nice of you

PolishBigSpender

My dad went abroad several times for few months at a time - no one said anything about him being a bad father. My mum stayed home with me. Times were different, so they wrote letters to each other, we didn't have a phone.
Those travels were important for him and his career.
I don't see why a father would be allowed to leave his wife and kids for 6 months and a mother wouldn't. If you feel it's a right thing to do, go for it.

Kimberley82

mummyroysof3 wrote: »

i personally would never even think about doing it but every person and family is different. How are the kids going to actually feel compared to how you think they will feel? being ill and mum not there, waking upon christmas morning without mum? 6 months is very different to a couple of week or months with very little contact.

you and your husband might not be able to be honest with each other as he might not want to say how much they are all missing you in case you think hes trying to make you feel guilty etc..going to be very very hard imo..is it worth it?

My husband is the one who first suggested I go and I know would be honest if they found it too hard.

We have been parted because of work like this before, he was in the millatary when we were married, he has also travelled for work since.

quantumleap

Kimberley82 wrote: »

wow this thread has exploded since I went to bed last night.

As I have said before on this post, I know the hours are 12 plus a day with hardly any time off, its not the life style I am going for or to escape anything.

I have researched this and spoken to lots of people who have done it.

If I could get the same job with out going I would, I have been looking.

It was my husband who encouraged me to apply to start with. He is also encouraging me to go back to universaty even though it will mean time away, I have surported him in his carea getting him to where he wanted to be and he wants to return the favour to me.

Kimberley,


My opinion is clear by my recent posts. Whilst I appreciate you believe this would be good for you my overriding feeling is that it would not be good for you children. Do you think this could be anything other than a negative experience for them? I also note that in your post above the use of the word "I" an awful lot and I'm afraid to say that the impression I'm getting is that you want to do this regardless of any impact it might have on the family unit.


It isn't at all unreasonable to want to do something for yourself but I do believe that when you have a family you must always ask yourself "is it possible my decision will have a negative effect on my family?" if the answer to this question is yes, then regrettably the decision must always be to put your family first.


I really don't think you are doing that on this occasion.

Kimberley82

quantumleap wrote: »

Kimberley,


My opinion is clear by my recent posts. Whilst I appreciate you believe this would be good for you my overriding feeling is that it would not be good for you children. Do you think this could be anything other than a negative experience for them? I also note that in your post above the use of the word "I" an awful lot and I'm afraid to say that the impression I'm getting is that you want to do this regardless of any impact it might have on the family unit.


It isn't at all unreasonable to want to do something for yourself but I do believe that when you have a family you must always ask yourself "is it possible my decision will have a negative effect on my family?" if the answer to this question is yes, then regrettably the decision must always be to put your family first.


I really don't think you are doing that on this occasion.

i went through something like this as a child and it didnt have a huge negative effect on my life. I fully expect it will make them even closer to their dad and strengthen those bonds, in the way it did when he was away. It wasnt a huge horrible experience when their dad was abroad with out us.

Im not just planning on running out the door and not preparing them, they know it might happen and are quite excited by in, I have shown them on the atlas where I will be going and they know why I want to go.

This is something |I am doing for me, but if all goes to plan (there are never guarantees) it will benifit them in the future too.

DuckEggGingham

GracieP wrote: »

:DYeah I know, I'm actually just messing, I don't really take words like netiquette seriously. It's just my that my hyperemesis has gone away and I'm feeling stupidly giddy. I guess I should actually have made better use of the smilies myself. (Where's a facepalm smilie when you need one?)


Edit: Apologies DuckEggGingham, you didn't deserve to end up the butt of my silly mood. I'll go back to tormenting my husband.

You are so sweet! That is really nice of you!

I was being pretty silly in return as well so I sincerely apologise to. You totally busted me on the smiley face thing though! LOL! I am going to have to be a bit more inventive next time!

I think the subject that people are discussing can sometimes be quite emotive/ controversial which changes how we would usually respond.


(Gah! I really wanted to end with a genuine smiley face then but didn't want to push my luck lol!)

anguk

crusty_toenail wrote: »

Yeah, you and me both love. Got the sociology degree, read hundreds of feminist books, did the sociology feminism classes.... did it all!!!:eek:

Feminism has been a double edged sword for women, we've got more freedom, rights and my daughter has much better opportunities than I had at her age.

But once upon a time women were expected to be perfect wives and mothers, now we're expected to be perfect wives, mothers and career women. And if you struggle to be all three you end up feeling like a failure, we put so much pressure on ourselves.

And even with feminism and men being more hands-on in the family I'd guess that in the vast majority of households where both parents work full-time it's still the woman who does the lion-share of housework and childcare. If a child is ill, it's normally the woman who worries about arranging time off work or childcare, it's the woman who feels guilty about being at work away from her children.

Whether this is down to ingrained attitudes or if it's to do with the way we just are (men - provider, woman - nurturer) I don't know.

anguk

Kimberley82 wrote: »

i went through something like this as a child and it didnt have a huge negative effect on my life. I fully expect it will make them even closer to their dad and strengthen those bonds, in the way it did when he was away. It wasnt a huge horrible experience when their dad was abroad with out us.

Im not just planning on running out the door and not preparing them, they know it might happen and are quite excited by in, I have shown them on the atlas where I will be going and they know why I want to go.

This is something |I am doing for me, but if all goes to plan (there are never guarantees) it will benifit them in the future too.

It seems to me that you've already made your mind up to go? If so all you can really do is prepare the kids as best you can and hope everything is okay. Oh and check your contract with a fine tooth comb to make sure you can get back quickly in case of an emergency.

If the kids have been used to one of their parent's working away it may be easier for them but has your husband been away for as long as 6 months with only phone calls for contact? You need to make sure they know exactly how long you'll be away for, when they will be able to talk to you and when or if they can see you.

It's also worth bearing in mind that it may be a bit of an adventure for them now and they may be excited about it, but once you're away for a month or so the novelty may wear off.

duchy

VfM4meplse wrote: »

I don't know you, but I've been on enough cruises to know that everyone, yes everyone, ends up having a relationship on board. It's almost an inevitable consequence of working and living in that environment, internet access onboard is v expensive and you'll soon find your life on board separated from what's going on at home. Salon staff usually hook up with the personal trainers because of their close working proximity.

Besides which, there's no prestige in styling the hair of obese middle-aged to elderly women.

Oh get a life will you
What utter rubbish !

Suppose you think every man who has a PA will as "almost an inevitable consequence of working " have an affair with their PA too- As for the snobbery expressed by some posters about hairdressing....words fail me.

OP I think the one thing you should take from this thread is that some people WILL look down on you for going -BUT they are the same saddos who probably look down on you for being a hairdresser too so how much you should be bothered by people like that is your decision. For me the only people's opinion who matter would be my husband and my kids-and deciding with them if it is workable for us as a family unit-Anyone else isn't of any consequence.

Good luck deciding