leaving children for 6 months

Tiddlywinks

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Hundreds of thousands of military familes seem to be able to cope with one parent away for months on end.

I know from personal experiece that many children of military families can and do develop behavioural difficulties as a result of an absent parent. Yes, families cope but that doesn't mean there isn't a price to pay.

Also, deployments are very much part of the military family life and are planned for and expected plus there are services in place to support these absences.

I don't believe this scenario compares and, to be honest, get a bit fed up with people using the 'military family' example to support the assumption that absent parents are not missed and that the absence has no negative impact on those left behind.

suki1001

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Op - you're not selfish and certainly not spiteful. There seems to be a bit of a trend in thinking these days that you have to martyr yourself upon the pyre of child-rearing and do absolutely nothing for yourself..and if you do, well then you're a selfish biatch aren't you. Things seem to have well and truly swung back in favour of the 'little woman' who sits around and delays any career prospects until the children have flown the coop (which, with today's house prices, will probably be age 30!)

Well you know what? Hundreds of thousands of military familes seem to be able to cope with one parent away for months on end. Rig workers, fishermen, overseas contractors and many other professions have extended periods away. What you're contemplating isn't at all unusual and it doesn't make you any less of a parent.

But those people who do those jobs don't do it out of luxury, a lot of them do dangerous, life threatening jobs and miss their families terribly. Working on a cruise liner isn't a neccessity. Nor is this about expecting the op to be a little woman, leaving the children is a huge consideration, questioning it isn't people just expecting a woman to know her place, it's about weighing up the reasoning.

Being a career mother can mean making a lot of sacrifices, it isn't just about feeling resentment that your family are holding you back. While she should go if she wants to, there are 2 children whose feelings also have to be considered, it's not black and white.

ZsaZsa

I haven't read the whole thread,as I'm not sure how many judgmental posts there have been. For me, no I couldn't, but then, I'm never far from my little one's as we don't have family to help and I really don't have the opportunity to be away from them often. However my husband works away a lot, and although its generally a month or 2 a time, theres a good chance his contracts will lengthen in time so I can imagine in the next few years he'll be asking the same question, and I think we would probably go for it as it would offer us an awful lot of stability in the long term. Good luck in whatever you decide x

mountainofdebt

coolcait wrote: »

Which brings us back to the point that only the people involved in this scenario can say whether or not this will work for them, as a family.

I agree.

But what happens if the husband decides a month in to the 6 month contract that it isn't working for him or the children ? Does the OP reluctantly give up her job and holds it against him forever more?

Slightly off toipic it always makes me wonder when stars split up citing the pressure of being apart due to work committments - these are people who can choose what work they accept / decline yet they appear to value their career over their relationships and for me, this is the risk that the OP is taking.

DylanO

I was expecting you to say that the job was something either highly paid or highly rewarding, but no, it's for a hairdresser on a cruise ship.

It doesn't strike me as a particularly worthy reason to leave your children for six months, which makes me think it's the lifestyle that's bringing the attracting and not the job. It sounds as if you want to be free and single for a while, but you have responsibilities and your actions could have serious consequences for your children. It's one thing to accept that a parent is leaving them to do an important job, but quite another to accept that mummy is leaving them to bring permed hair to the high seas.

coolcait

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Slightly off toipic it always makes me wonder when stars split up citing the pressure of being apart due to work committments - these are people who can choose what work they accept / decline yet they appear to value their career over their relationships and for me, this is the risk that the OP is taking.

As do I.

I always wonder if it is a carefully worded formula, agreed with the PR reps for both parties, to ensure that neither star is 'blamed' for the split.

As with 'tired and emotional', I wonder if it is a euphemism. Like 'musical differences'...

Because of that, I don't see the situation as being about them 'valuing their career over their relationships'.

Nor do I think that they can truly 'choose what work they accept/decline'. But's that's a completely different thread.

I know couples who have worked apart, and who have made their relationship work. I know couples in the same situation who have split up.

I know couples who have never been apart for even one night, and whose relationship has failed. I know couples in the same situation who have stayed together.

You can't generalise. It's about the individuals. that's why there is far more value in talking to each other in real life, rather than carrying out straw polls on the internet.

System

Children grow such a lot in 6 months and i wouldnt want to miss a single minute of it. So in a nutshell. No i wouldnt leave my children for 6 months to persue a dream job.

anguk

Kimberley82 wrote: »

Yes things were bad, but have hugely improved, my son has come on very much and both our working lives have changed. My children were not aware of our marriage problems and while the will miss me i dont belive it will be damaging, it will not be for another 3 months until the start date

If you don't start for 3 months and it's a 6 month contract does that mean you'll be away for Christmas? That would be a big deal for the kids I should imagine.

I personally couldn't do it, I would miss my kids far too much and I'm a bit of a homebody but everyone is different and it depends on the family. If you did go and it distressed the kids too much would you leave the job and come back home? Would you be able to leave the ship and get back home quickly if, God forbid, anything happened to the kids, they became ill or had an accident for example?

lostinrates

anguk wrote: »

If you don't start for 3 months and it's a 6 month contract does that mean you'll be away for Christmas? That would be a big deal for the kids I should imagine.

I personally couldn't do it, I would miss my kids far too much and I'm a bit of a homebody but everyone is different and it depends on the family. If you did go and it distressed the kids too much would you leave the job and come back home? Would you be able to leave the ship and get back home quickly if, God forbid, anything happened to the kids, they became ill or had an accident for example?

When some one works away for a six month contract, it is pretty certain a special occasion or two will be missed, christmas, easter or birthdays/ anniversaries.

lilymay1

If it were me, yes I would.

You only get 1 life and it didn't end when your children were born. Good luck

And for what its worth, I think people are being pretty harsh about the OP's choice of career. Variety is the spice of life, remember