leaving children for 6 months

coolcait

Kimberley82 wrote: »

would you leave an 8 and 9 year old with their very loving and capable father for 6 moths to take a dream job?

If this is a moneysaving moral dilemma, then you have had lots of answers.

If this is about your life, then don't take it to a public poll. Sit down with the people involved (the 8 year old, the nine year old and their father) and talk frankly about how you all feel about it.

Take a decision based on the views of your family - made up of those three people and yourself.

Even if your thread gets a million replies, those replies are really irrelevant. It's about what works for your family. Not anyone else's.

mountainofdebt

OP

Why exactly did you post your question?

I'm not being rude but when people have made valid points as to why it would be a bad idea (and I really don't care whether it would be for hairdressing or brain surgery) you have an answer ready and waiting......as my mum would say a plaster for every sore.

What would worry me is that if my Oh and children could manage without me for 6 months then they might find that they could manage without me for a lot longer.

Lunar_Eclipse

I really think it would be an incredibly selfish and spiteful thing to do to your children, given the circumstances.

We can all find jobs that for one reason or another are completely impractical and unrealistic for our personal circumstances. I am afraid to say that in your shoes, this is one of them. Your children are young and need you to be around on a daily basis, if at all possible. I'm struggling to understand why you're still contemplating it.

I agree with the posters who have suggested you attempt to seek out a similar opportunity at home. Anything is possible.

*max*

VfM4meplse, thank you! I never knew cruise ships were such sinful pits of fornication and depravity where absolutely everyone loses all sense of morality...



Where do I sign??

:cool:

crusty_toenail

Put your family first. No one is more qualified to look after your children than you.

You should stay at home and work on sorting out your marriage and be there for your children.

Get your priorities straightened out or you will end up with no husband and children who will want nothing to do with you when they are old enough to realise how selfish you were.

coolcait

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OP

What would worry me is that if my Oh and children could manage without me for 6 months then they might find that they could manage without me for a lot longer.

There's no harm in children developing the ability to be independent. Adult partners should already have that ability!

So, I would see it as a positive that children could 'manage' without one parent for a period of six months. The other parent should already have the ability to 'manage'.

If you fear that your children, or your partner, would stop loving you if you weren't there for six months, then you have a very low view of their ability to love. Or a very high level of insecurity.

It is possible for a parent to be away from their children for six months without it affecting their love for each other, and without it having any long term impact on the children, or on the relationship.

It is possible for a couple to be apart for six months, without either of them being unfaithful.

It is also possible for some couples to be together, with one or both of them being unfaithful. It is also possible for children to be in the same house as their parent(s), and be deeply emotionally scarred.

Which brings us back to the point that only the people involved in this scenario can say whether or not this will work for them, as a family.

Welshwoofs

Op - you're not selfish and certainly not spiteful. There seems to be a bit of a trend in thinking these days that you have to martyr yourself upon the pyre of child-rearing and do absolutely nothing for yourself..and if you do, well then you're a selfish biatch aren't you. Things seem to have well and truly swung back in favour of the 'little woman' who sits around and delays any career prospects until the children have flown the coop (which, with today's house prices, will probably be age 30!)

Well you know what? Hundreds of thousands of military familes seem to be able to cope with one parent away for months on end. Rig workers, fishermen, overseas contractors and many other professions have extended periods away. What you're contemplating isn't at all unusual and it doesn't make you any less of a parent.

Emmarillo

mintymoneysaver wrote: »

In all honesty, no. Not because I wouldn't trust their father to be perfectly good at looking after them, but because no job would ever have been good enough for me to be without my children for 6 months when they were that age.

This exactly echoes how I feel. We're all different though and only you can say how things might be for your family.

Marisco

crusty_toenail wrote: »

No one is more qualified to look after your children than you.

That's a bit insulting to fathers! Most are as capable, and some more so, to look after kids as mothers are!!

OP, I'd say go for it! It's only 6 months, and as some have said there is msn, email, webcams etc. You might hate it after a few weeks at sea, but at least you won't be sitting there in years to come thinking "what if", "I should have gone", "if only".

raven83

I personally wouldn't and couldn't do it as my 3 children would object some what, when ever i am gone out of the house without them they get there dad to ring me and see how long i would be, when they stayed with their grandparents in the easter hols they all came early because they missed me, if i said i was going away for 6 months they would become very distressed and my kids are 9, 8 and 5. My oldest one would certainly have some choice words to say to me too!