Family breakdown - never mind just being DH!

Isis_Black

Hey there
Iwas on citalopram for nearly 2 years
I can understand him in saying he wants a break but it could all be own to the side effects of the pills!!!

I had my dose increased to 40 and thy were hell for me as I didn't know how I felt about anything and even to,d my hubby I wasn't sure about us! It was absolute hell and there's no way I will ever go back onto them

I hope he really does get help and possibly different Meds as they may not be the best for him, hope all is ok with you xxx

pink68

Pebbles, you will never do right by everyone when it comes to care homes. I'm at the other end with an elderly gran who doesnt want to go in one and is fairly capable of looking after herself.

I'm waiting for the call from a particular relation when she has a fall or passes that goes 'well if you'd stuck her in a care home like i'd suggested this would NEVER have happened!'

You cant work full time and care full time and somehow you still have to pay the bills. Tell your sister if she would like to have mum move in with her she is free to arrange it. You can support her as much as she supported you (!).

Sambucus_Nigra

Pebbles - you should text back your sister and tell her that she is right, mum shouldn't be in a home and you have arranged for her to have her this time and to pick her up this evening about 6ish. Perhaps with LOL and xxx at the end.

pebbles88

hello,

thanks fo the well wishes. in respect of my elder sister, i'm done. She can behave/say what she likes, I know that i'm doing the best I can for mum. Me & mum are ok, so i have very littlue interest in what ever claptrap she comes out with now. I'll be civil for mum's sake. But AFAIC - sister is just an aquiantance (sp)

had rough few weeks. mum feel & split head open, so involved a nice trip to A&E.... she is ok though.


no change with me & DH. Docs have put him bk on citalopram as the fluoxetine wasn't doing anything. After having talks with him this week, ive realised that he, like mum, want a tablet to make everything better/to fix it. He won't even try to help himself, even as something as simple as a little walk round the block each day for a serotonin & fresh air boost.

i dont know what I feel about anything at the moment. Think I have hit my breathe & reboot stage. time will tell. x

pebbles88

hello

well not much has changed since my last update. DH is still is other bedroom, still states he doesn't know what he wants. He is really unpredictable mood wise, the GP has changed his anti d's again, but I must admit, i dont think he is telling her the full story when he goes. mind you, dont think he ever has!

I broke down in tears at my friends the other week, i know i can't go on like this. after several weeks of feeling nothing, im starting to feel for DH again. But some part of me is screaming that if I do try & sort things, that this will be my life pattern, constantly waiting for the next blip that he has, but on the other hand, without me having to put as much into mum as I was, how would it be? my friends are telling me to forget him, and i can understand why think are. but my constant thought is that things have always been so hard, that we've never had time to just be us if that makes sense? We've been getting n really well last couple of weeks. I fell really ill last week and (TMI warning) every time I ran to the loo to be sick, he was there, holding my hand etc. which I know he hates seeing, but does it anyway as he knows I get so scared my scars will rupture etc.

even the other week when i had arranged to go to my friends for the night, when Mum started ringing constantly, which she seems to do if she knows im going anywhere, he fielded all the calls so i wouldn't get wound up.

he thinks so bad of himself, I just wish he could see what others see in him. a kind, gentle, loving man. he has a few blips like anyone, but he only ever sees the worst in him.

ive got so much going through my head, we were so hopeful to start a family this year if we could, and I know im on borrowed time following my collapse & subsequent probs 3 yrs ago. Im angry all this has been snatched away from me. im so tired of constantly feeling like i can't trust anyone, as at least that way I can't keep getting hurt.

crikey, reading that back im well mucked up in the head aint I!

well im off for a shower, have house to myself & cats as he is house sitting for the week. at least thats one good thing, I have the balls to stay on my own. Where as when this all happened, i was pertrified of being on my own overnight. no I really like, but am always glad when DH is back, even if its in the other room.

xxx

Mojisola

pebbles88 wrote: »

DH is still is other bedroom, still states he doesn't know what he wants. He is really unpredictable mood wise, the GP has changed his anti d's again, but I must admit, i dont think he is telling her the full story when he goes. mind you, dont think he ever has!

Have you ever had an appointment with his GP to talk about the problems? His GP won't discuss your DH with you but she should listen to what you have to say. If it helps your DH get more appropriate treatment, it's worth a try.

pebbles88

Mojisola wrote: »

Have you ever had an appointment with his GP to talk about the problems? His GP won't discuss your DH with you but she should listen to what you have to say. If it helps your DH get more appropriate treatment, it's worth a try.

i had thought of that, but wouldn't know if she would take note?

i suppose im also scared that he would be so so angry if he found out, and that it would push him away even further. i feel like im walking on eggshells so much with him.

he's barely sleeping, and if he does, he doesn't nod off til say 5am, and then only sleeps til lunchtime, so not full 8 hrs per se.


ah well, did see nice sign today,

happiness isn't a destination, it's a way of life

sounds like a good plan eh?

Mojisola

pebbles88 wrote: »

i had thought of that, but wouldn't know if she would take note?

i suppose im also scared that he would be so so angry if he found out, and that it would push him away even further. i feel like im walking on eggshells so much with him.

I did it when my parents were underplaying their health problems and my friend did too when her son was having mental health problems.

If you approach it from the point of view that his behaviour is affecting you, the GP should respect your privacy and not mention your visit to your OH. To make sure, you can specifically ask that she doesn't.

It could give her a broader picture of his state of health and she could use the information to ask relevant questions at his next visit.

pebbles88

Mojisola wrote: »

I did it when my parents were underplaying their health problems and my friend did too when her son was having mental health problems.

If you approach it from the point of view that his behaviour is affecting you, the GP should respect your privacy and not mention your visit to your OH. To make sure, you can specifically ask that she doesn't.

It could give her a broader picture of his state of health and she could use the information to ask relevant questions at his next visit.

you're right

ive backed off, as per his wishes, but nothing has changed since he walked. all his 'problems' as he stated, are gone, but everythings the same with him

this may come across as harsh, but im so much stronger than i was, poss why im seeing things more clear than he is?

dragonette

I had to go to thr Dr with my other half, its very easy to underplay MH issues. The Dr only really paid attention when I (probably too bluntly) listed the unusual behaviour that OH didn't think was relevant etc. It can be very difficult for a Dr to truly assess MH from just that one patient, as it inevitably alters how they see and think about themselves.

The sleep pattern also sounds familiar, some anti-d's also affect sleep and can be perscribed for insomnia.

Whether going with or to the Dr would help in your situation I cannot say, but either way it may help push limbo to a conclusion. Good luck, I know it can hell sometimes *hugs*