Real-life MMD: Should I rat on my ex?

POPPYOSCAR

A.Jones wrote: »

I don't see what it has to do with you. If the "old banger" passed its MOT then it is safe to drive.

Reliability is down to the car. So long as the car is safe to drive, then real road safety is down to the driver. A reliable car is not necessarily safe - it depends on the driver.

Exactly!

We have a car we paid £300 for and it is perfectly safe and extremely reliable (more so than our much more expensive car!!)

Why do some people seem to think a cheap car is unsafe and a death trap?

It has to have passed an MOT and be safe to be on the road.

Non of your business as far as I am concerned.

klint

As many people have rightly pointed out, just because a car is old doesn't mean it's unsafe. It does probably mean that the fabric on the seats is a bit worn. It is probably a bit noisier on the road. It may even have a musty smell. None of that is safety-related.

The whole point is that your ex's mother gave his son a nice, fairly new, comfortable car as a gift - not only a gift for his son but a gift for her grandchildren in a way. Now it could well be that your ex has already cleared this with his mother; then all's well and good. If he hasn't, then what he has done is almost tantamount to committing fraud against his mother. If you saw someone stealing from a shop, wouldn't you tell the shop-owner? His mother is sitting comfortably imagining her grandchildren being driven in the luxury of the £3000 car she bought specifically for their transport.

The question is, how do you tell her? It depends on how close you are with her. If it's only the occasional Christmas card, then don't bother, you are not close enough to tell her. If you talk to her on the phone several times a week to catch up with news about yourself and the children, then it's likely she will ask you about your ex's car anyway. Then you will be telling her lies if you say "it's fine". That wouldn't be fair on you. You should tell your ex that you are not willing to lie to his mother, and give him a chance to confess to her first.

By no means invite her to your house when he comes round, so she can see the car. This will only create a bad atmosphere between your ex and his mother in front of the children, and the children will pick up on that. They may even start feeling they are to blame for the atmosphere. This is best avoided. Do the right thing for the children.

fairynuf

cheerful wrote: »

The moral question here is simple: if you were in the mother's position would you want someone to tell you? I don't know anyone who would not want to know and think that they would have a right to know.

Many people have tried to justify not telling her by suggesting, "maybe this" or "maybe that". The mother could address these questions to her son and give him a chance to justify his actions. To fail to tell her is collusion with her son and denying her this opportunity.

Some people have said, "what is it to do with you?" The answer is that it is exactly the same as any other perceived or potential wrongdoing is to do with you. Either you try to correct what you see to be wrong or you don't.

We live in a society that powerfully discourages us from challenging or addressing antisocial behaviour in someone we know personally. From a very early age we learn strongly pejorative epithets (grass, rat, squealer sneak, etc) with which to label anyone who does not turn a blind eye to wrongdoing.

With all the bad things that some people do, without getting caught or stopped people ask "How do they get away with it?" Many of the responses to the OP give you the answer.

I agree wholeheartedly with your comments. Too many people think it is acceptable to commit fraudulant acts as long as they can get away with it. After all in this case the guy asked his mother to buy him a car so he could pick up his children. She chose to buy a decent car not to buy an old banger and to give him £2600 to spend how he likes. It is very obvious that he has ripped off his mother he is the lowest of the low he should be ashamed of himself.

dickavis

I'd leave her to find out herself, which she is likely to do next time they meet. Let him explain why the lovely car she paid for isn't around. Chances are that as he is her son, she will have seen this sort of behaviour before. It's also likely that she'll just accept it as 'how he is'. How do I know this? Because I've got two brothers who were like this with my Mum when she was alive. You could find yourself pushing harder to get the response you want, which could affect your relationship with her.
Although what he did was cheap and nasty (especially considering it was his own mother), in the grand scheme of things it isn't important enough. Save yourself for something that is.

Minty72

Did anyone consider that his mother might have bought a car that he could not afford to run - they aren't cheap you know?

A £3000 car isn't much use if you can't afford to fill it with petrol and insure it, and these are both significant costs.

I suspect the OP has some animosity towards her ex (quite naturally) and so question the motives of informing his mother.

My recommendation - check the car is safe, and if it is, take no further action. Stirring up problems between your ex and his mother is not the act of a responsible grown up and a parent.

BNT

It would make sense to talk to the ex about it before having any conversation with his mother.

shop-to-drop

Minty72 wrote: »

Did anyone consider that his mother might have bought a car that he could not afford to run - they aren't cheap you know?

A £3000 car isn't much use if you can't afford to fill it with petrol and insure it, and these are both significant costs.

I suspect the OP has some animosity towards her ex (quite naturally) and so question the motives of informing his mother.

My recommendation - check the car is safe, and if it is, take no further action. Stirring up problems between your ex and his mother is not the act of a responsible grown up and a parent.

I don't understand your argument. The cost of insurance and fuel costs are practically the same for a £3000 car or a £300 car.

CKhalvashi

adouglasmhor wrote: »

An MOT certificate is not proof of roadworthiness.

The fact that anything I own has 200k on it before it sees an MoT test, this is VERY true!