Real-life MMD: Should I rat on my ex?

Gav_1903

A.Jones wrote: »

And what if the person giving it to you insisted that you had the one they wanted you to have, not the one you actually wanted? And you needed this so much that you had to ask them to help you out in the first place?

Chances are, I wouldn't want a car that an older lady had decided was the best for me, I'd prefer to get one that I was comfortable with.

So if I am to understand, using this example, you spent £100+ on a pair of THE latest & greatest Football Boots for a Son / Grandson / Nephew / Niece, who then returned these Boots (without your knowledge) and bought a £5 pair of Boots off a friend, and spent the remainder of the money you would not feel even the slightest bit aggrieved by this?. At the end of the day the Footballer was still kicking a ball with Boots you had provided them with, in a roundabout way?

Personally I would be livid!

A.Jones

Gav_1903 wrote: »

So if I am to understand, using this example, you spent £100+ on a pair of THE latest & greatest Football Boots for a Son / Grandson / Nephew / Niece, who then returned these Boots (without your knowledge) and bought a £5 pair of Boots off a friend, and spent the remainder of the money you would not feel even the slightest bit aggrieved by this?. At the end of the day the Footballer was still kicking a ball with Boots you had provided them with, in a roundabout way?

Personally I would be livid!

A little, but mainly because I was so out of touch that I paid way more than I should have done getting them what I thought was best without asking them, when what they are happy with is something much cheaper.

tallgirld

Well I would tell him that the children are not allowed to go in that old rust bucket. So based on that his mother would find out anyway!

A.Jones

tallgirld wrote: »

Well I would tell him that the children are not allowed to go in that old rust bucket. So based on that his mother would find out anyway!

And what would you do when he takes you to court for refusing to allow him to see the children? He just needs to show an MOT certificate to prove it is roadworthy.

caperer

Your ex is an adult so his mum has known him an awful lot longer than you no doubt, as he was growing up she witnessed first hand all his charachter traits, some she loves and no doubt some she loathes, but you can bet your life that she knows him better than almost anyone, that being the case and i say this with the greatest of respect to yourself, leave well out of it. if you find out he is driving your kids about in an unsafe car, well then fine do somthing about that,(SEPERATE ISSUE) but like previous posters have stated it is probably fine if it has a valid MOT.If he appears to have conned his mother it is non of your buisiness keep your nose out, you can bet this lady is no fool and went in to the arrangment knowing full well her sons capibilities, often we know our childrens failings but out of love and loyalty and pride keep that to ourselves.

surestart

Yes, he must be a right scumbag

chog24

What, exactly, would you hope to achieve? If you do tell your Ex's Mum, it's extremely unlikely that you or the kids will benefit from it (monetarily). You may (perhaps) get on your Ex's Mum's good side for letting her know what's been happening with her money, but I'd guess that your Ex's Mum is more likely to side with your Ex than with you, no matter how good a friend you think she is. Your ex is pretty unlikely to thank you for it, I'd have thought.

So my vote is: mind your own business! If it's anyone's job to tell your Ex's Mum what's happened to her money, it's your Ex's. No good can come of meddling in other people's business.

Augustus_the_Strong

It's a bit off, a grown man sponging off his mother like that. But it's up to him what car he drives. If you happen to mention it, don't worry about it - why should you be obliged to keep it a secret? The fact that the car's old needn't put your kids at risk.

minicooper272

The OP hasn't said the car is unsafe - just that it's an old banger, so I don't know why people are so opinionated about restricting his access to the kids!

It's a thin line - I would want to tell her, but fear she may think I'm 'telling on him' as a bitter ex (bitter because he hasn't paid child support). Why don't you suggest to her that her son drive the grandchildren up to her one weekend, or that she come down to visit them when they are staying with him?

As for unpaid child support, keep third parties (unless it's a solicitor) out of it!

sooz2012

Does this man never go to see his mum or vice versa? Presumably if she lives miles away he would have to drive or if she came to him she would see the vehicle? I imagine if she doesn't already know, she will do soon. Personally, I wouldn't make a special effort to tell the mother but if OP happened to be talking to her anyway just drop in the conversation that his latest car isn't as nice (or whatever) as the one she bought. She may well then explain why he changed it.

The only real concern is whether the new car is safe and reliable ( no fun for kids to be stuck in a broken down car for hours).