Real-life MMD: Should I rat on my ex?

purpleweasel

i would agree with antonia1 about not meddling with mother/son relationships, no matter how close you are to her.

How far away does she live? If you are good friends, what are the chances that she might "happen" to be visiting you and her grandchildren on the day her son turns up to collect them in his old banger? Or if they were staying with their dad & she wanted to visit them at his place, what would he say?

Gresp

Invite his mum to stay with you at a time when he's due to pick up your kids. Then she'll find out for herself, without you having to "rat" on him.

Watch him squirm.

lika_86

I sold my old Nissan Micra (11 years old) for £350 last year (about 12,000 miles on the clock too!), it was still running fine but I was moving to London and didn't need a car and it was starting to cost more every year than it was worth (new tyres, new brake pads and discs etc, just things that come with age) but had passed its MOT with only one minor problem the year before (fuse had gone to electric wipers - cost 50p). Yes, it had a dent in the back from a minor prang but it ran fine and was entirely safe and reliable (and I hasten to add, much better on snow and ice than my boyfriend's BMW which is a much newer and fancier car). Just because it's old and cheap doesn't mean it isn't safe.

scotsbob

What goes on between he and his mother is none of your concern.

Why are people so concerned about getting one over on an ex partner? Move on.

pennypinchUK

If you don't say anything to his mother you are as guilty as he is. You have to tell her. You might say "Did your son repay you for the car, as he's now bought a cheaper one?". He might have repaid her, and the mother may not have mentioned it. All you're doing is asking a question - not ratting on him.

golddustmedia

He's your ex, so his business is no longer your business.

Once separated one of the wonderful gifts for you both is no longer dealing with each others messes. SO, the car is his business not yours. You probably don't know all the details and more importantly it's even if he has pocketed the money, it's a gift from his mother so you've no entitlement to any money. Just like if his mother chose to pay for a holiday you wouldn't expect to go too. It's her money and her choice to give it to him or buy a car etc.

Would you want him interfering with your finances?

Separation/divorce means managing your OWN life, not each others.

BNT

Before you say anything, ask yourself why you might want to tell her:

If it is because you are concerned about the safety of your children, then your time might be better spent checking if the car os safe. Far more accidents happn because of bad drivers than because of bad cars.

If you just want to create a problem for your ex, then you need to move on. What do you gain.

If it is because you don't like to see your ex's mother taken advantage of, you might be better to let things run their course. She'll find out anyway, unless she and her son never visit each other.

If it is because you want a share of the money, then ask him; don't involve her.

Think about the the motive for telling your ex mother in law. That will give you a good steer as to what to do and might throw up other courses of action.

happyinflorida

As you say you are good friends, then as a friend I would CAREFULLY tell her - one person's idea to have her at your home when he comes to pick up kids, is a good one as that gets you out of having to tell her. If she's close to her son, she may inform him of the fact she'll be there and that could lead to him cancelling a visit with the kids, just to avoid his mum finding out?!
Tread carefully though as she's a friend at the moment and you want it to stay that way.

definitivefreak

I think the point here is that he pocketed the money. The car was for pickin the children up - therefore it does involve the mother's interest. The mother is also the ex's mother's friend. It's nothing to do with ratting on the ex or meddling in mother-son relationships, the simple point here is the guy made a profit of £2600 after his mother helped him out of the kindness of her heart - not just helping him monetarily, but helping the woman via the children. Bottom line, the mother should be told what a greedy so-and-so her son is.

BNT

Morally, I don't see any difference between telling the mother outright, or orchestrating a visit so that mother and son end up in the same place at the same time. Either way, the intention is the same.