Real-life MMD: Should I rat on my ex?

oldnewhand

What is the real motive - worry over both your children's safety (they're his too aren't they?), his lack of integrity, or getting one up on your ex?
If you honestly say it's definitely not one upmanship, you should let his mum find out. It could be that you could arrange for her to be present when he picked them up, if that isn't an unusual occurence, or maybe just say innocently in conversation whatever happened to that lovely car you gave him the money for?
As other posters have said just because it's old and cheap it doesn't neccessarily mean it's dangerous' if it's all legal it should be fine. The old car I bought for £700 to tide me over when the previous £5000 car's engine went lastest me longer before becoming uneconomical to get through MOT. Your ex's behaviour seems very disrespectful to his mum, but he may have sound reasons; are you bleeding him dry financially and he needed the cash for food and rent or is he just frittering cash away on drink, women or gambling.
As usual with these dilemmas the more you consider them the more questions are raised and you realise there is no cut and dried definite answer without much more information. Hopefully reading everyone's responses will help you to make the right decision for you and your particular circumstances.

billshep

What a scrote - effectively conning money out of his own mother - no wonder he's your ex!
I guess he could have sold it because he couldn't afford the insurance etc on the newer more expensive car - I presume he is out of work hence not paying for his kids - but even so his mother should be aware of it seeing as she gave him the car.
As some other's have suggested, probably best to make sure she finds out without jeopardising your relationship with her.

bulletproof_1979

It's none of your business.

Assuming the car is safe to drive, what concern is it of yours? If it were me and I had concerns about the cars safety I'd insist on seeing the service history/ MOT before allowing the kids in it, but otherwise keep my nose out.

It's entirely possible the guy has money troubles you're not aware of. You say he hasn’t offered any of the money he made to help out with the kids - what does that matter if you believe what he's done is wrong? Or is it that you'd be happier about it if you were also benefiting?

You seem to be more motivated by getting back at your ex/ not also profitting from the situation, than from concern for the mother.

drjustice

As others have said do not get involved otherwise you might find your kids no longer see their dad .

What he has done is not good but its his mum not yours ,maybe he needs the money to pay of debts .

pennypinchUK

lika_86 wrote: »

I sold my old Nissan Micra (11 years old) for £350 last year (about 12,000 miles on the clock too!), it was still running fine but I was moving to London and didn't need a car and it was starting to cost more every year than it was worth (new tyres, new brake pads and discs etc, just things that come with age) but had passed its MOT with only one minor problem the year before (fuse had gone to electric wipers - cost 50p). Yes, it had a dent in the back from a minor prang but it ran fine and was entirely safe and reliable (and I hasten to add, much better on snow and ice than my boyfriend's BMW which is a much newer and fancier car). Just because it's old and cheap doesn't mean it isn't safe.

The word "banger" is so emotive. People assume it's therefore dangerous. There are many of us who buy old cars in preference to new cars. There's a term for it - "bangernomics". Google it - buy a 10+ year old car (hey, that's only 2002 - they had seatbelts, good brakes and strong chassis then too!). Run it until it breaks down and it's uneconomic to repair, or it fails it's MOT. Then sell it to the scrap yard or to a hobby mechanic, often for about the same as you paid for it. That way all you pay is the running costs. No depreciation, very low servicing if any at all, no huge capital outlay. Hey, I've had a couple of cars for 6+ months before they broke down and I've made a profit on them by the time I've sold them. Martin would be proud of me....

supervader

If any one buys you something that helps you with an important task or specifically helps you do something like visiting your kids then they have done you a great favour.
When you accept goods and services given for a particular purpose then you should stick to the agreed use.
If you have serious debts that the sale of the item or service would help you and your family to over come, then you should put that senario to the person who spent their money on you in the first place, if they agree to your disposing of the item or service then all well and good but if not you should stick to the original agreement.

Hezzawithkids

I'd tell her in a heartbeat. Sounds like there's a good reason why he's your ex.

RedGoose

As his mother is your friend, I'd argue that it's perfectly innocent to say, "I see he's got a new car" (in non-accusatory fashion- as if it just happened to come up in the conversation) and see how she reacts.

His mum may well know more about it and be able to put your mind at rest. Mind you, she may well find out whether you tell her or not- mums have radar!

girl-in-a-hat

This sounds like sour grapes to me.

The OP doesn't mention the safety of the car and therefore, her children but the reliability which, as several posters have pointed out, a 'banger' isn't necessarily unreliable.

What the OP does mention however, is that the difference between the 2 cars wasn't offered to her - why should she be entitled?!

Whether or not the ex has 'conned' his mother is no-one else's business. Liars are always caught out in the end!

dobsoncrew

He was obviously hoping for the money. So his mother did the right thing. I would tell his mother. The sneeky SOAB he obviously needed the money and not the car. Anyway how did he manage to sell the car it should have been in his mother's name if she brought it, so how did he get around that. As he is still not giving any money towards his kid/s, explain to your child that daddy has done something bad and they may no see him for a while.