Real-life MMD: Should I rat on my ex?

milvusvestal

Some diplomacy is needed here, but there's no reason why you couldn't direct conversation towards his transport the next time you're speaking to his mother, and mention in passing that he's now driving an old banger. You could add that you didn't know there was anything wrong with the other car.

Beyond that, don't tell his mother that he's pocketed the difference. That's like telling tales out of school, and I'm sure his mother can put two-and-two together and come up with her own conclusions. Whether she wants to confront him on the matter is up to her, of course.

Sooner or later, he'll have to replace the banger, and he can hardly ask his mother to finance another purchase without coming clean. What goes around comes around, is the old saying, and this is a classic example of it.

scoobydoobydoo

Get to the CSA so he is paying you proper maintenance each month and then stay out of it.

hamzramz

It's an incredibly sneaky thing to do, whether the 'old banger' is reliable or not. They should tell his mother, or confront the ex themselves and get them to confess.

Leode

Of course you must tell your ex's mother for several reasons. Firstly he has defrauded her out of her hard earned savings by accepting a car that she bought for £3,000 and then selling it and pocketing the balance. Secondly, as he hasn't paid anything towards the children he is obviously a greedy rat who only thinks of himself. And finally, and probably most importantly of all, he is potentially putting your children at risk if the car is seen to be possibly unsafe. I am sure your mother in law would be horrified to think that her son was putting her grandchildren at risk.

A.Jones

dobsoncrew wrote: »

He was obviously hoping for the money.

Why obviously? Maybe the car was not right for him. If you read the OP the mother chose the car. What is right for her is not necessarily right for him.

dobsoncrew wrote: »

The sneeky SOAB he obviously needed the money and not the car.

Interesting language. The B part of that is referring to his mother.

And he obviously needed the car, since he bought another one.

dobsoncrew wrote: »

Anyway how did he manage to sell the car it should have been in his mother's name if she brought it, so how did he get around that.

Just because she paid for it, it doesn't mean it must be registered to her. If he sold it, chances are it was registered to him. If she gifted it to him, then it is his property. He can do with it what he wants. Maybe he realised that he needed the money to pay for more essential items - food and rent. No doubt the ex has got the home they shared.

dobsoncrew wrote: »

As he is still not giving any money towards his kid/s, explain to your child that daddy has done something bad and they may no see him for a while.

Fathers have rights too. If he is out of work and not contributing to their upkeep, he still has rights. The kids lose out longer term without paternal contact.

A.Jones

Leode wrote: »

Of course you must tell your ex's mother for several reasons. Firstly he has defrauded her out of her hard earned savings by accepting a car that she bought for £3,000 and then selling it and pocketing the balance.

It is not fraud to sell something you own. If the mother gifted it to him, he is perfectly entitled to sell it and buy one more suitable for him. The mother insisted on spending £3K, not the son.

And how do you know the savings were hard earned?

Barryfan

You need to check whether the 'old banger' he bought is unsafe - ask to see MOT/insurance documents - if he is carrying your children around in the vehicle. If it has valid MOT and insurance then this relieves your concern on the safety side. If it doesn't have them, then refuse to let the children travel in it. As others have said, you do need to consider your reasons for telling his mum about the different car. If it's just to get one over on him, then I wouldn't do it. Be a better person than he is!!

bulletproof_1979

hamzramz wrote: »

It's an incredibly sneaky thing to do, whether the 'old banger' is reliable or not. They should tell his mother, or confront the ex themselves and get them to confess.

Why, what's it got to do with her? He's her ex, it shouldn't be any of her business what he gets up to, unless she's simply out to cause trouble for him out of malice. Yes he may or may not have done an something questionable, but thats an issue for him and his conscience, not you. The car was given to him, ultimately it's his decision what he chooses to do with it, surely?

bulletproof_1979

Leode wrote: »

Of course you must tell your ex's mother for several reasons. Firstly he has defrauded her out of her hard earned savings by accepting a car that she bought for £3,000 and then selling it and pocketing the balance. Secondly, as he hasn't paid anything towards the children he is obviously a greedy rat who only thinks of himself. And finally, and probably most importantly of all, he is potentially putting your children at risk if the car is seen to be possibly unsafe. I am sure your mother in law would be horrified to think that her son was putting her grandchildren at risk.

Utter nonsense - accepting a gift and then chosing to sell it is not fraud. For all we know the mother knows all about the sale anyway.

A.Jones

I also wonder if the woman in question shares details of her finances with the ex. If not, why does she expect him to share details of his finances with her?

Maybe he has spent some of the money on improvements to his house which make things better for the kids, or a new bed for a kid, or is thinking about days out for the kids with himself. She is not entitled to know about of of these things, since they are no longer together.