Boyfriend's Best friend throwing toys out the pram

split_second

his bravado has been threatened and now has to act immature to be the big man again.

one of my friends has done this and barely speaks to me

Counting_down_the_Pounds

Hi all,

Thank you so much for all of your replies. I have read them all and took on board your advice...even those that were hard to read.

Update: Here is what I did.

I decided to keep it simple and keep to 2 issues.

1. dumping me halfway through an evening to go off with his mate...spending time together issue....

2. Nasty Bozo 'Friend'

I have met and spoken to the boyfriend about the argument (1) and he has apologised for his behaviour. I explained to him how I felt and that we need to communicate better if things are going to work between us due to us having conflicting shifts etc.

He has apologised about leaving me in the pub and understood that he shouldn't have done this, and that if he wants to spend time with his friends then make time for them not dump me halfway through an evening. (its not about the why but about the how) He said he has taken on board what I have said. Actions over time will show if he has.

(2) I then went on to tell about the 'friend' and the boyfriend has said that he will have a word with him with regards to his behaviour/comments. I also made clear to the boyfriend that the only person undoing my bra should be my boyfriend and I won't be tolerating that behaviour either.

I'm not sure what he is going to say or when, but that is for him to deal with. I am concerned that the 'friend' will deny it, and perhaps be more difficult. Boyfriend has said he doesn't care what his friend thinks of me, as he likes me and thats all that matters.

Thanks again for all your comments and advice.

It has become an interesting thread with all your stories. With all the emotion attached to it I didn't realise it was a common problem. Keep them coming.

I will update again when I know more...

CP x

Errata

Good luck to you and I really wish you well. Personally I wouldn't want to have very much to do with a bloke whose very best mate is a complete pig. Something about 'By their company shall ye judge them'

Counting_down_the_Pounds

I am proceeding with caution !!!

Which realistically I am doing anyway due to my past.

Sambucus_Nigra

CDTP- whatever happens with this idiot - no woman should have to endure any bloke 'undoing her bra' unless she has given him express permission to undo it. If you see this happening again, ever - be it this idiot or not - you need to do something to stop it.

tenke

Could I suggest you going to the Public Library and getting the book " He is not that into you". It shows the way men act so clearly. It is an eye opener.

Having seen your update, I can see you have talked and the ball is now on his side. Good, at least he has some food for thought.

Now, his future behaviour will speak volumes, so be alert.

If, bf finds further excuses not to find proper quality time with you, then cut your loses and run.

When he is into you:
- He finds the time, no matter from which busy schedule, etc to see you, because he wants to be with you. This should be the honeymoon phase, if he is not so keen, then he is making his choice clear.
- A friend with sly behaviour will never be an obstacle if he is into you, trust me.

Now I agree with some posters saying you have made " all the running ", it takes 2 to tango in a relationship, let him do a bit of the work as well, male love the chase, to find ways to be near the woman they love.

IF, it didnt wortk out in the end, guess what, you have found you can connect with a man, even after grief, thats the good news, you are sooo worthy it, you instilled those feelings in a guy for you. There are soo many good guys out there, who would kill for a woman like you, say that to yourself.

You DESERVE the BEST, do not settle or tiptoe. As you have said before life is SHORT !! ;)

Good luck with everything !:T

thehappybutterfly

am I the only person who finds it odd that OP continually refers to "the" boyfriend and not "my" boyfriend? I wouldn't refer to my close ones as "the husband" or "the son" etc. I wouldn't even say "the cat"! Strange......

System

When he is into you:
- He finds the time, no matter from which busy schedule, etc to see you, because he wants to be with you. This should be the honeymoon phase, if he is not so keen, then he is making his choice clear.
- A friend with sly behaviour will never be an obstacle if he is into you, trust me.

Now I agree with some posters saying you have made " all the running ", it takes 2 to tango in a relationship, let him do a bit of the work as well, male love the chase, to find ways to be near the woman they love.

I so agree with this.

jetplane

This relationship is relatively new so take an objective look while you have the chance to leave it and move on. People rarely change and if your boyfriend does not see what a complete c0ck his mate is after all these years then he's unlikely to see it in the foreseeable future.

Do not let this become a competition between you and his mate though, otherwise you may look back and think actually I wouldn't have stayed with this guy if I hadn't been trying to outdo / compete with his mate.

Are you sure that your boyfriend never overhears any of these comments or witneses these actions? Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with bozo either.

Don't bother with games just confront bozo himself and ask what is your problem with me and tell him to get over it or butt out. The boyfriend can make of this what he likes, tell him you enjoy his company, you like seeing him but aren't prepared to suffer bozo as part of the deal.

I'm sorry if I offend you but have you had councelling around your bereavement? I only ask because you introduce yourself as a young war widow with broken dreams who has lost her soul mate. I think this makes you sound vulnerable although clearly I don't know if that's how you feel.

londonsurrey

I so agree with Tenke. If after you have taken a realistic stance of not wanting to be stomped on or having his spoilt needy boyfriend take precedence over you, he decides not to put you first, then quite frankly, it was a lucky escape for you.

If the relationship is going to break up, at least it was for the right reasons, not with you powerless, waiting for his boyfriend to ease up or for him to value you enough to rouse himself to do something.