Boyfriend's Best friend throwing toys out the pram

Nicki

I'm guessing as he shares a house with this guy, that he is drip dripping poison about you into his ear when you are not around, so you need to say something so that your OH knows there is another agenda going on there.

Maybe something low key? "Jack doesn't seem to like me much? Is it me or does he generally take a while to warm up to your new girlfriends?". Then if he asks what makes you think that, you can give a few examples.

benb76

I agree with the posters who have suggested making yourself unavailable, and that if he's in to you then he'll be desperate to see you. Arrange a night out with the girls for this weekend, and don't be shy about checking out the alternative talent that could be available!

Mupette

you need a cunning plan.

next time you are out together, just the three of you, as soon as your boyfriend is off to the loo, ring him... but very discreetly.

or if you think you can ask your boyfriend to be in on it.. ask him to disappear and take a call from you.

and then just ask the friend very very nicely why he doesn't like you, see if he will spout off..
Bring up the 'no one likes you'

But also i think others would of noticed this guys behavour.

Birdie85

I agree that this guy sounds like a complete !!!!!!! :mad:

It is such a difficult thing to deal with though, the guy code can be quite complex with certain men, my DH is extremely close to his friends and won't hear a word against them! Luckily I've never had a problem with them. If this idiot makes another mean comment out of earshot of your BF, smile sweetly, get the attention of your BF, repeat the comment as a question loudly and direct it back to idiot and see him squirm. I'll bet that all of his bravery disappears once he knows people can hear him. 'Oh, do you think I'm fat? Darling, do you think I'm fat as your friend here thinks so? Maybe we ought to spend some extra time together 'doing some exercise' *nudge nudge*'

TBH though, long-term life will be very difficult for your BF if his best friend hates his GF (through no fault of your own), perhaps if the snide comments keep up it would be worth mentioning quietly to the friend that you don't know what you've done to upset him but you really want to be friends (obviously not true as he's a tosspot, but we're not going for that angle!) as it'll mean so much to your BF- wobbly lip and watery eyes will go down a treat here.

With regards to your BF leaving you to go out with his friend, I'd be inclined to cut him some slack for now. I got with my DH when he was 23 and we worked contrasting hours which meant we could only spend time together on a weekend. His odd hours meant that he could only see his friends on a weekend too so we had to learn to share. He was still at the stage of his life where it was impossible to refuse a night out with his mates on the beer rather than spending a night in watching X Factor, no matter how delightful the company He prides himself on being the go-to man for his friends, always the first point of contact in times of crisis and celebration for half a dozen boys meant that last minute 'emergency pub meetings' would pop up fairly regularly. It took a while (about a year) for him to settle into a routine with still being there for his mates and making time for them whilst still seeing me and it took me some time to realise that I had to make myself that little bit less available so he wanted to sack everyone off to spend time with me as he missed me so much. There was no point getting too sulky about things as no-one wants to come home to a miserable GF who's just waiting to pick a fight.

5 years later we are married and he's so settled it's difficult to drag him out now, he actually turned down a night out with friends last weekend to stay in with pizza watching The Voice and BGT! :eek: :rotfl:

Oh and I don't like the idea of making him choose, there'd be uproar if you'd been told to choose between your best friend and your BF so it is unfair to expect him to do so, you just have to hope the guy moves in with his GF 40minutes away and doesn't come back to visit very often!

VitaK

The friend is doing it because he can get away with it, and quite posible have succeded in the past. If your boyfriend does not grow a pair then this will just continue and a relationship is going to be a struggle for you. Is it worth it.

'Your Fat!'...How mature.

duchy

I like the "grassing in a non confrontational way" scenario-The messing about with phones is iffy and can rebound on you if caught out or if BF doesn't play ball.

However -I think we are judged by the company we keep and either Bozo mate took an instant and irrational dislike to you -or he's always like this-either way your BF isn't deaf and blind (and this twerp doesn't sound bright enough to be subtle) and you want to ask yourself if you want to be with a man who wants boys as friends rather than adults. Some guys in their early twenties are ready for real relationships others are still prioritising their mates -I'd stop taking annual leave to oblige him and just see him when it fits in-and see how things go for now. I'd mention it's clear Bozo doesn't like you (non confrontational grass above) and you can't be bothered with that kind of daftness and allow BF to work out why you are suddenly less available for himself. I do agree he's not likely to make so much effort if you are always available to fit in with him and his odd mate's plans.

paddy's_mum

Ditch them both and find yourself a boyfriend who has a backbone!

FBaby

ok, if your partner saw it like you do (and rightly so, what an insecure and immature plunker), he would already have told him where to go. The fact that he hasn't, either means that he is the type to try (and often fail!) to please everyone, or he indeed sees nothing wrong with his actions and considers him above you.

On this basis, the more you put pressure on him, the more stressed he will get, and he will blame you for the situation because of it. In your shoes, I would try to pretend the guy doesn't exist, so that the pressure seems to come from him rather than you and it is him that will end up getting on his nerves and finally getting the 'get a life mate, I am happy with my girlfriend, maybe you should spend more time with yours'.

Arrange time together as you normally would regardless of that idiot. If your partner doesn't agree on suggested time because he has arranged things with his friend, say ok and arrange things for yourself. If he really cares, it won't be long until he starts wondering what you are up to when you are not with him and enjoying yourself regardless. If it is a case of cancelling only occasionally, then fair enough, his friendship is problably important to him too (although why he would appreciate this kind of friendship, who knows!), but if it becomes clear he is wrapped around this guy's little finger, then don't arrange your life around him, he will quickly pick up what it is like to come second.

In the end, it will go either way:
- he succumbs to the manipulation of his friend, if that is the case, he is clearly showing not to have much balls (or care than much about you) and not worth fighting for.
- he will grow tired of his friend overwhelming presence and demands on his own and will detach himself without your help
- he will start to realise that he actually wants to spend time with you rather than him and will start telling his friend that he better start respecting you as his girfriend or he can take a hike!

BugglyB

burnoutbabe wrote: »

i would just say to boyfriend "did i do something wrong at the picnic on x as according to friend, the others all hated me and wanted me gone, i would hate to think i inadvertently put me foot in it somewhere"

so then you are grassing matey boy up, but in a non grassy way, like you are wanting feedback.

This is a risky strategy as it gives bf chance to say 'No, you did great at the picnic!' and brush it off. Or even worse 'Yes you were a little quiet' or whatever. My dad says the problem with women is they never ask the question they want the answer to

Being clear doesn't mean being confrontational. Confrontation is much more about body language and tone than what you actually say. Quiet voice, open posture, friendly tone - 'Did you know x said x to me at the bbq? What do you make of that?'

Counting_down_the_Pounds

Emmzi wrote: »

I generally find it best to become really busy doing interestin things without b/f so time with you becomes a rare commodity

If b/f was totally loved up, he would be with you. That is how it works. Give him a chance to miss you, and see.

I totally agree with this !!!