Boyfriend's Best friend throwing toys out the pram

Acc72

Great post from DVardyShadow above.

It reflects my thoughts, although I was unable to articulate it so well.

Good luck OP.

liney

You seem to be doing alot of 'the running,' here! You have only known this guy a few weeks and you are already stalling people to accomadate his rota that he 'apparently' only receives on Saturday for the next day. Really? Are you sure?

If you this man wants to see you he will make time to see you. If he doesn't make time to see you it means he doesn't want to see you. IMO you are making yourself too available.

As for this friend of his, then the simple solution is to only see him when you are in a group, and do not sit/converse with him directly. Ensure that that evenings involving only the 3 of you do not happen, and the situation will be avoided entirely.

If your relationship does develop then you can tell your BF about him later, but at the moment his loyalties probably will lie with his long term mate, not his few week old new GF.

hazyjo

Was about to say what jenhug said - a great line if someone says you're ugly! Just look them in the eye and say 'I'd much rather be ugly on the outside...'. They'll work the rest out.

Also, agree your BF should have stepped in and told his mate to leave you alone (re bra strap, etc).

Have you thought that maybe your BF is/was a bit of an @rse too? Maybe he did similar things with his mate. Maybe they had a 'laugh' and the mate's showing off a bit, trying to get him to join in. Maybe the mate's right to a certain extent - you maybe have come along and 'spoiled' things. It's probably not what your BF wants any more, but it's very difficult to suddenly act different with a mate. His mate prob feels like you've stolen him and that he's boring now. Of course, I think his mate's the @rse and needs to grow up, but your BF needs to recognise this and, as above, 'grow a pair' and tell him things have changed.

I had a similar situation once with a bloke who had a close female friend. They'd dated briefly (more of a 'friends with benefits thing if truth be known - and how he described her to people!) - anyway, I think she realised how much she felt sidelined when I came along. I don't think she realised how much she loved him or anything, they'd never got to that stage and I think it was more jealousy than the fact she actually wanted him.

Anyway, despite being nice to start with (before me and him were fully 'together'), she decided she'd hate me once we started dating. Slagged me off at every opportunity, called me names, read his phone with her mate to laugh at all we'd said to each other (obv he was unaware), told lies about me... fortunately for me, he was big enough and ugly enough to stand up to her, tell her he loved me, told her where to go, and didn't take any calls from her or reply to her texts (she still tried to get in touch regularly). He was civil to her when out (mixed in same circles), but it was me he backed, believed and fought for. She kicked off in the pub one night saying she was going to do whatever to me - he got me and a small crowd out of there immediately. Shame really cos I didn't mind her and maybe we could've been friends.

Jealousy is a cruel emotion. Impossible to hide, and totally destructive (and often unwarranted!).

Your BF at the moment is choosing his friend. The only way it can go is like the above. If his mate continues taunting you or dripping poison in your BF's ear, he will eventually have to choose. If he's not doing that at the beginning, he really doesn't sound worth fighting for...

Jx

doodoot

List of possibilities for BF's !!!! of a mate:

1. He's attracted to your BF and wants you out of the way.
2. He's attracted to you and showing it in a real strange way!
3. He's got serious mental health issues.
4. He's doing it at the request of his mate - not unheard of as a way to get rid of an unwanted GF.

If you're having problems this early in the relationship, perhaps you should take a step back and re-assess its viability?

BugglyB

I used to have a colleague who said horrible things to me out of earshot of everyone. I used to deal with her by putting my head on one side, frowning slightly (like I'd just seen a dog with two heads) then either walking off or starting an entirely new conversation with someone else. It quickly gets boring for them.

(Yes euronorris ey em indeed a laydeee :rotfl:)

Mrs.W_2

puddy wrote: »

I havent read the whole thread but you should watch a film called 'the leather boys' or even better, buy it on dvd and give it to your boyfriend's chum

Oh, I second the above!

OP, if he's taking your efforts in the relationship for granted, and allowing himself to be manipulated by his friend, where do you see this relationship going?

Let him stew for a while. If he does not come back to you, they are plenty of men out there who own a spine and at least half an ounce of maturity.

FBaby

I too think you are plan is potentially to 'intense' for the man you have portrayed here. You have focussed on his boying attitute since that is the problem rather than how great he is with you, so of course we tend to see him more under that light which might not be an accurate picture of the person is really is.

However, the facts are still here, he is not rushing your relationship, still wants for the time being at least to dedicate some of his free time to his friends, and isn't jumping to defend you from his friends' unpleasant attitude, even if he doesn't see it as you do.

I think if you start having 'serious' conversations, it might just get a bit too much for him. He might be open to some of it, but not if it becomes regular or too heavy. I understand you are concerned about letting him get away if you don't put it all on the table to resolve it and in a serious relationship, it would be advisable, but as it is, it is just a bit too premature. He needs to change his way because he wants to and the only thing that will make him want to is if his urge to spend time with you and make you happy takes over his desire to be with his mate. There is nothing you can do about it and it is out of your control. The only thing you can do is continued as you would normally do regardless of this friend. Plan to get together, but if he doesn't give you a clear date there and then, don't hold on to make other plans.

benb76

Going off on a tangent a bit here, but in relation to the continued bra unfastening 'joke', don't you just hate it and cringe at people who do or say something that might be funny the first time, but then they continue to do/say the same joke, thinking that it will still be funny every time? One example I can think of was of an acquaintance who once did a genuinely funny impression of Cartman off of Southpark, it got a laugh so he continued to do it all evening and for quite a while after!!!

catch_me_if_you_can

The second time he undid my bra I would have taken it off and handed it to him saying "you obviously want to play with this, go ahead" it really doesn't bother me going bra-less and even if it did, a "child" thinking it caused me embarrassment would be enough for it NOT to embarrass me.

He's then the one holding the bra and looking a tit.

southerngal

benb76 wrote: »

Going off on a tangent a bit here, but in relation to the continued bra unfastening 'joke', don't you just hate it and cringe at people who do or say something that might be funny the first time, but then they continue to do/say the same joke, thinking that it will still be funny every time? One example I can think of was of an acquaintance who once did a genuinely funny impression of Cartman off of Southpark, it got a laugh so he continued to do it all evening and for quite a while after!!!

I always say once is funny, twice is stupid .......