Boyfriend's Best friend throwing toys out the pram

BugglyB

I think there are two issues here. One is his friend being rude to you. He shouldn't say things like that, especially out of earshot of your boyfriend. I would either bring it up directly with him or tell your boyfriend the things he has said. Chances are your bf will already know this man has a mean streak. Keep it calm and non confrontational and not about how much time you spend together but about the 'fat' comments and so on.

The other issue is spending time together, and I think you need to be more flexible about this. When you say

I am not happy playing second fiddle to his friend, which is why we are arguing. the boyfriend said that we hadnt had firm plans and that i had spent the previous night with him and the full day. this is still ongoing... I see it as him dumping me when his friend clicks his fingers (i havnt mentioned it like this, just 'housemates'. The relationship is still new and we are still trying to find 'our pattern' of when we see each other. I am back at work now so no more days off together anymore.

that makes me think you're well on your way to becoming the stereotypical 'ball and chain'! Did you have firm plans? Its a very new relationship, and your boyfriend needs time not just with his housemate and with you but also for his own life and his family and other friends and hobbies and interests. At this stage, he should be desperate to see you, not trying to justify how long he's spent with you to get a pass out to spend a night with a mate.

You need to up your game if you want this relationship to last. Have a few unavailable weekends. Be interesting and mysterious! Pursue other interests. Have a few evenings where he can't get through to your phone.

Emmzi

I generally find it best to become really busy doing interestin things without b/f so time with you becomes a rare commodity

a) things that are rare and not on tap are more valuable
b) if b/f chooses a different kind oflife, you are at least doing interesting things to take your mind off it
c) you may meet a proper sulmate while doing interesting things

If b/f was totally loved up, he would be with you. That is how it works. Give him a chance to miss you, and see.

j.e.j.

I don't know what's going on this mate of your BF's. He sounds unbelievably immature for a 24 year old! I remember a situation years ago, when my then-boyfriend's best friend was jealous of our relationship, but that was when we were, like, 17, and it was BF's first relationship, and so the friend felt put out and rejected. It doesn't sound like that's the case here.

I think you need to lay your cards on the table. You surely deserve better than to be treated like this. Tell your BF what's been going on (print out your first post even, and let him read it) and take it from there. If he chooses not to believe you, then it might be time to move on.

CH27

The friend sounds like a right t*t.

I would wait for BF to contact you & I certainly wouldn't sit around waiting for him.
Go out with your friends & keep yourself busy. If he wants you he will come to you.

Judith_W

I would definitely say something to BF as otherwise I doubt you could cope if the relationship just carried on as it has been and nothing changed. Don't say 'your friend says no one likes me so maybe I should move on' as this sounds quite petulant and potentially like you are trying to create a me or him situation, you are more mature than that.

Also, if the friend has just recently moved in with your BF, he may be more jealous than normal as he is excited about living with your BF and may have reverted a bit to when they were teenagers. Not that this is an excuse but may get less bad after a while of living in each others pockets.

burnoutbabe

i would just say to boyfriend "did i do something wrong at the picnic on x as according to friend, the others all hated me and wanted me gone, i would hate to think i inadvertently put me foot in it somewhere"

so then you are grassing matey boy up, but in a non grassy way, like you are wanting feedback.

I would have laughed out loud at the fat comments and repeated them at the table (SOrry, what did you say, I'm fat? gosh what on earth do you think anyone over size 10 is then?? - looking round the table as lets face it most females are larger than a size 10 so there would be some 12/14 etc there too).

Basically call him out on all daft comments and repeat them straight away, out loud, as though clarifying what he is saying.

And seeing a boyfriend 10pm to 11am sounds like a booty call, not a boyfriend!

thorsoak

Speaking personally, if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't say anything ...just yet. Wait until the next time you are out together, as a couple, and The Friend turns up. That is your cue to leave, saying "well, I will leave you two alone now - don't want to be the gooseberry - (to B/F) "phone me, and we'll arrange a date when we can have a date on our own, and I'll see if I'm free"........

To quote Jonathan Livingston "If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were"

euronorris

God, I really hate jealous guy friends! They drive me nuts!

Been there, done that, and couldn't bare to ever do it again. Caused so many arguments, and time after time the ex would side with his mate. So, we split up (there were other reasons too).

It does seem to be fairly common among the younger guys though. Most of my friends have dated someone with a mate like this.

And I met another guy like this on my recent visit back to the UK. After the club, I walked round the corner with one of the girls to get some chips from the kebab shop whilst we waited for a cab. 2 mins later, cab arrives, we abandon queue and get in cab. Then the mate of this girl's bf starts making comments like 'oh, isn't it odd that you chose to go there. Meeting guys were you?'. And then her bf started in too. *head in hands* It only got worse from there. My attempts to calm down two drunken guys, and reason with them was met with me being called a c**t and told to f off back to holland (as though the UK isn't my home country!!! lol). At that point, I walked away. Can't be doing with that sh*t! I'm too old for it.

Never going out with them again (the bf here is a sibling of a friend). And I think I will now avoid clubs indefinitely!

OP - I think JoJo gave the best advice at the end of her post. If he wants to be with you, he'll still want to work it out and either get his friend to be more respectful or will ditch him. A good friend, a real friend, would want his mate to be happy. He wouldn't be sabotaging new relationships. And if he doesn't want to work it out, or tries to say there's nothing wrong, then at least you know sooner rather than later and can move on to find someone who deserves you.

busiscoming2

burnoutbabe wrote: »

i would just say to boyfriend "did i do something wrong at the picnic on x as according to friend, the others all hated me and wanted me gone, i would hate to think i inadvertently put me foot in it somewhere"

so then you are grassing matey boy up, but in a non grassy way, like you are wanting feedback.

I would have laughed out loud at the fat comments and repeated them at the table (SOrry, what did you say, I'm fat? gosh what on earth do you think anyone over size 10 is then?? - looking round the table as lets face it most females are larger than a size 10 so there would be some 12/14 etc there too).

Basically call him out on all daft comments and repeat them straight away, out loud, as though clarifying what he is saying.

And seeing a boyfriend 10pm to 11am sounds like a booty call, not a boyfriend!

Exactly what I think!

hazyjo

agree with thorsoak - he needs to choose. The longer he combines the two of you, the shorter it'll last. He needs to grow up and decide whether he wants to be in a relationship. Sorry, but it doesn't sound like he does atm. Been out with blokes like that many moons ago - they only grow up when their friends all start pairing up. Wouldn't want to be with a bloke like that now...!

Jx