Child's Surname Different to Yours

sweetme

I had the same surname as my children until three years ago when I divorced and reverted to my maiden name. I can't say it bothers me much having a different name. It bothers me more when people call me Mrs M***** and not Ms *****.

SkintGypsy

We married but I didn't take my husbands name until we had our daughter. I don't like my married name particularly, but I didn't want any confusion as to who I was if nursery called work or for doctors appts etc. I know someone who gave her daughter her OH's name in the belief that he would change his mind and get married, then they would all be the same. As of four years and baby no 2, that had not happened and she was sad about that.

For me, if one wants the piece of paper and to share the family name but the other is indifferent, what loving partner wouldn't concede the point to make their love and mother of their child happy? It strikes me as a little cruel.

esmy

My kids have their Dad's surname but there was nothing automatic about it - it was a decision that OH and I made together - and I can't say that I ever felt sad or that it ever occurred to me to change my name (or to them, now adult, to change theirs).
Through their school days I just answered to Mrs TheirSurname.

peachyprice

It doesn't bother me in the least. I had the same surname as my sons when they were born, then I got divorced and reverted to my maiden name with the boys keeping their dad's name. Then my daughter was born, she has OH's surname but we didn't get married until she was 2, at which time I changed to my OH's name.

To this day I still answer to Mrs S......., my sons' surname or Mrs P........ my DD's surname, infact if I phone anyone concerning my sons I use their surname at it's unusual and the person on the other end immediately knows whose parent I am.

tattycath

My children were given their father's name when they were born, they have never had the same surname as me and it's never been a problem.

building_with_lego

Nope, doesn't bother me in the slightest. (OH's surname is much more exotic than my boring one so they were always going to have his.)
Looking through the children's classmated there are lots of double- barrelled children, as well as lots that have Dad's surname while Mum has a different one. Nobody bats an eyelid. (And why would they, these days?!)

They have my mitochondrial DNA, which will last them forever anyway :rotfl:

busybee100

Fredula wrote: »

We are engaged, but OH is in no rush to get married (as in he says we'll get married in 3 years time but isn't starting to save or anything so it's obviously not going to be that soon).

I feel kind of sad that I don't have the same surname as my son. Similarly, if I had insisted that because we weren't married, he took my surname, I'm sure my OH would feel the same. I feel embarrassed that our names are different, and when I pick up his prescriptions and take him to the doctors and things, they always ask if his surname is the same as mine.

It doesn't sound to me as if the different surname is the problem - it sounds as if not being married is and being reminded of this makes you sad.

If thats the case then you could start to explore what your options are; small wedding, starting the wedding fund, your OH understanding how you feel about having a different surname.

VfM4meplse

OP, I can understand why you feel sad.

Fredula wrote: »

OH is in no rush to get married (as in he says we'll get married in 3 years time but isn't starting to save or anything so it's obviously not going to be that soon)

What's more important, the marriage or the party?

To (mis?)quote Beyonce "If he liked it then he shoulda put a ring on it..."

Fredula

busybee100 wrote: »

It doesn't sound to me as if the different surname is the problem - it sounds as if not being married is and being reminded of this makes you sad.

If thats the case then you could start to explore what your options are; small wedding, starting the wedding fund, your OH understanding how you feel about having a different surname.

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, if I'm honest.

kjmtidea

All 4 of my children have my surname, my partner said it was up to me whose surname they had so I chose mine!

If/when we do ever get married then I probably won't change our surname, it seems a lot of hassle and I am quite attached to mine