Child's Surname Different to Yours

lepetit

Totally know how you feel OP.
I had a baby boy in August and as my OH and I are engaged I gave my son his fathers surname.
We had nailed down that we would get married this August just after our baby boy is 1 and I can't wait!! Don't like my surname - everyone gets it wrong plus it means everything to me that I have the same surname as my son and stepson and be a wife- we will be in my mind a 'proper' family unit. I know everyone doesn't think that way but I still am a bit traditional like that.

I really hate seeing that I have a different surname to my son but we had set a definite date by the time he was born so I was okay with giving him his fathers surname and waiting a year - if we hadn't and we weren't sure when we would get married I think I would have changed my name by deedpoll!

jellyhead

My eldest has my maiden name as his surname. He was 5 when we married and he said he didn't want to change his name. I changed mine, thinking that he would change his mind eventually but he never did.

The only time it ever caused a problem was when I volunteered to help on a school trip and I'd put my married name down on the list, then the teacher had also added mrs x because she didn't realise that my my son and I had different surnames. So they were 1 helper short for that trip and had to find another volunteer in a hurry.

Husband has taken eldest abroad 3 times just the 2 of them and he's never been asked if he is the father. It's never been an issue, although I don't know what would happen if my husband had to give permission for medical treatment?

The only person who worries about eldest having a different surname is my youngest - he wants eldest to change it because we all have my husband's surname except eldest, but eldest is 15 now so it's unlikely to happen.

Nobody mentions it, it's never been an issue. I suspect as others have said that you are sad about your OH's lack of hurry to get married. We had a cheap registry office wedding, it doesn't have to be expensive.

Valli

Dunno if it's been said but you can 'just' change your surname anyway - you don't have to do it by deed poll!

meritaten

I get the impression from some posts that some people think its an 'either Dads surname OR mums surname'. The fact is, is that the child can have BOTH.
you can double-barrel the surname and its perfectly legal for a child to become known by either the first or second part! so if mum is Smith and Dad is Jones then its Smith-Jones.
This is what my daughter and her then partner did - when they split up my grandson dropped one of the names. of course its still there on the birth certificate - but gs knows perfectly well who his dad is - he just chooses to use his stepdads name these days. (Legally, by Deed Poll) and he didnt need his dads consent either.

yummymummy79

We've got 3 surnames in our house - DS has his dad's, I have mine, then DD has her dad's (OH). Can't say it really bothers me and definitely doesn't make me feel sad. It's just how things are in our family. I wouldn't think of changing anyone's, it is what it is.

stclair

The surname issue bothers me abit.. I carried my dads surname however my dad walked out on my mother as child and as never really be involved in my up bringing. I have always been bought up by mom and wish at times I carried her surname rather than my dads. But when I speak about changing it to hers she does not seem to want me too. :-(

However saying that my dads surname is double barrelled and is alot better than my moms lol

dizziblonde

Elelyn wrote: »

I had a different name to my mother growing up and I hated it. She was married to my father but changed her name following their divorce. I frequently used to ask if I could also change my name but she was reluctant to ask for my father's permission so it never happened. Perhaps it makes a difference that after they split up I never really had anything to do with my dad (his choice). When I got married myself it was very important to me to take my husbands surname so that when we had children we would all have the same name. I know it's only a name and it shouldn't make a difference but it does to me.

I was in the same situation growing up - child from the first marriage, my mum had remarried and taken on my stepfather's surname, my brother had come along and had the same surname as the rest of them - and I really did feel different because of it. Add in a less-than-tolerant Catholic school (different era back then) who constantly made me explain who'd signed permission slips and stuff and just after my brother came along - I made the decision I wanted to change my surname to match.

Edwardia

When I got married I added OH's surname to mine. We haven't managed children but they would have his as he'd be their father. Even though Maiden Married is obviously not a situation where the first barrel is a middle name I constantly get called Mrs Married. So I was quite amused recently when OH was called Mr Maiden Married.

I do think it's right for women to keep maiden name/make it double barrelled if they prefer rather than become Mrs no name Wife.

jojo_2012_2

My 1st son took his dads name, his dad is an abusive waste of space. Made me sick ppl would assume me and ds had same last name and call me Mrs xxxxx.

Luckily he was born in 2002 so I could change it back to mine at my sons request without permission. I have since had a 2nd child and the baby has my surname, if my OH wants baby to have his he'll have to marry me, at which time I'll double barrell both kids names.

annie_d

I feel that names mean nothing. I have been married twice and each time kept my maiden name. My three children had my first husband's surname. For personal reasons my youngest changed her first ame and surname by deed poll to completely new names. It makes no never mind. I am very happily married to my husband with my maiden name and my children are still my children whatever name they choose.