Child's Surname Different to Yours

annie_d

The thing is jojo...your child is still half of his dad.

Beckyy

I can see why it it's bothering you.

My parents weren't married when I was born, and I had my Dad's surname but my Mum didn't. I would have prefered my Dad's anyway, but the problem I had was people assuming that my Mum was seperated from my Dad and remarried - some teachers even thought that my Dad was my stepdad until he was introduced as Mr.Mysurname.

I would have a serious talk with your OH. Tell him how you feel and say that you would like to get married very soon because it means a lot to you for the family to have the same surnames, and would make you feel complete. Say you'd be happy with a small ceremony at the registry office, or whatever. You can have a big party later on, IMO all the faffing about it a waste of money anyway and would be much better put into a savings account for your little one!

chanie

Our DS has a double-baralled surname.

He is officially registered in both names, but uses OH's surname in everyday stuff (or he will when he can tell people his name!!!).

I would love to get married, but we can't afford it. It was important to me that my children have my surname as well - I think part of this reason is that my father is dead and I want my children to have that connection to him.

WHen we do get married, I'm not sure I will change my name - I may go double-baralled myself, but would probably use my maiden name. I feel my surname is part of who I am and I do feel strange about changing it - I was born with this name have had it for over 30 years, all of my educational achievements have been in my maiden name.

marywooyeah

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

eta. I think the only reason I'm holding off from the deedpoll is the thought of losing the years that are left on my current passport!!

I left my maiden name on my passport and book in my maiden name to save the 5 years that were left, never had a problem!

busybee100 wrote: »

It doesn't sound to me as if the different surname is the problem - it sounds as if not being married is and being reminded of this makes you sad.

If thats the case then you could start to explore what your options are; small wedding, starting the wedding fund, your OH understanding how you feel about having a different surname.

as others have said a change of name deed is the way forward if you want the same surname. If you want to be married then you need to tell your OH but its difficult - I know a woman who harped on and on about marriage until their boyfriend proposed just to shut her up - its hardly a romantic engagement!

If I were you I'd try to write a list of why you want to be married and show it to your OH. If you both want to marry then I can't see you having a problem, if its the cost then have a look on the weddings board its full of tips to save money.

Ellejmorgan

changing your name is simple it costs about £80 and you need to go to a solicitors that deal with change of name deeds, takes half an hour and they will ask you to go to another solicitors to do a swear which takes 5 mins and costs £5
You will need id and proof of address

Very simple to do and you will get 5 copies of deed..

loracan1

My name is different from my sons - and I split from their father several years ago. Never perceived it as a problem and never felt awkward about it.

an9i77

My son has his father's surname, not mine, as we are not married. I don't really mind - I think i mind more that we're not married yet as I'd like us all to have the same surname - but we're not in any mad rush to so it's not a big deal.
Strangely I haven't had many instances of people being confused by it or referring to me as Mrs (partner's surname).
I just thought it would be nice for my son to take his father's name, perhaps I'm just traditional, also there is no one else in the family to do this as my partner only has one sister whose children all take their dads surname, so I kind of felt like the family name would die out if my son didn't take it!
My OH wasn't that bothered either way, we had bigger fish to fry with a difficult pregnancy for medical reasons, so we were just glad he came out fine and well, his surname was not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

elvis86

meritaten wrote: »

I get the impression from some posts that some people think its an 'either Dads surname OR mums surname'. The fact is, is that the child can have BOTH.
you can double-barrel the surname and its perfectly legal for a child to become known by either the first or second part! so if mum is Smith and Dad is Jones then its Smith-Jones.
This is what my daughter and her then partner did - when they split up my grandson dropped one of the names. of course its still there on the birth certificate - but gs knows perfectly well who his dad is - he just chooses to use his stepdads name these days. (Legally, by Deed Poll) and he didnt need his dads consent either.

The only problem I forsee with this (and this is from the POV of someone who is considering options for my own children in the future), is what happens when they grow up?

Does Sarah Smith-Jones become Sarah Smith-Jones-Brown when she gets married? Or worse, Sarah Smith-Jones-Brown-White if she marries a man whose own parents wanted him to have both of their surnames?!

And does this mean that your grandchildren are lumbered with 4 surnames from birth? And this before any future changes which might occur due to their parents breaking up/remarrying (which I can't help but feel isn't always in the best interests of the child and may sometimes be more to do with the feelings and wishes of the parents/wanting to "get one over" on an ex - who is to say that an 8, 9, 10 year old wants their name to be changed just because their mum has married someone else?)

Double-barell surnames neatly solve the problem of whose name the kids take, but kind of seems like maybe you're just passing on the dilema of dropping surnames to your kids?:(

mildred1978

elvis86 wrote: »

The only problem I forsee with this (and this is from the POV of someone who is considering options for my own children in the future), is what happens when they grow up?

Does Sarah Smith-Jones become Sarah Smith-Jones-Brown when she gets married? Or worse, Sarah Smith-Jones-Brown-White if she marries a man whose own parents wanted him to have both of their surnames?!

And does this mean that your grandchildren are lumbered with 4 surnames from birth? And this before any future changes which might occur due to their parents breaking up/remarrying (which I can't help but feel isn't always in the best interests of the child and may sometimes be more to do with the feelings and wishes of the parents/wanting to "get one over" on an ex - who is to say that an 8, 9, 10 year old wants their name to be changed just because their mum has married someone else?)

Double-barell surnames neatly solve the problem of whose name the kids take, but kind of seems like maybe you're just passing on the dilema of dropping surnames to your kids?:(

That's exactly why we didn't double barrel our son's name. He hast surname as his 2nd middle name and my husband's surname as his surname. If he wants to use both or either in future that's up to him.

alias*alibi

I had a different surname to my DD for nearly 2 years before getting married. Didn't worry me at all.

Incidently my boss has 3 kids; 2 girls and a lad. His missus kept her surname after marriage and the two girls have her surname and the lad has his. Now that I would imagine is very confusing!