Child's Surname Different to Yours

Fredula

I was curious to see how others feel about this.

When an unmarried couple have children, the child usually presumably takes the fathers surname.

I have a 9 week old who has his father's surname. We are engaged, but OH is in no rush to get married (as in he says we'll get married in 3 years time but isn't starting to save or anything so it's obviously not going to be that soon).

I feel kind of sad that I don't have the same surname as my son. Similarly, if I had insisted that because we weren't married, he took my surname, I'm sure my OH would feel the same. I feel embarrassed that our names are different, and when I pick up his prescriptions and take him to the doctors and things, they always ask if his surname is the same as mine.

Is anybody else a similar situation and feels the same? How do you cope with it?

Tigsteroonie

Yes, I have a different surname to Marley and to our little boy. I had been told that changing my name could cause problems with (already filed) divorce papers, but have recently discovered that this is not the case, so I may well be changing my surname to theirs by deedpoll in the next few months.

I don't know if I'd describe it as feeling sad. It's awkward sometimes when I have to give my full name and then 'mother of' my son's full name. But I think it's quite common, from the age of 6 onwards I had a different surname to my parents after my Mum re-married and we all got used to that.

eta. I think the only reason I'm holding off from the deedpoll is the thought of losing the years that are left on my current passport!!

scottishchick27

I was in exactly the same situation so I changed my surname by deed poll and now we are all the same. Still haven't got around to getting married.

newbutold

I gave my child my surname not his fathers as I to didn't want to have a different name from my child and OH didn't want to get married.

Have you thought about changing your name by deed poll to match, I know of two people that did this.

flutterby_lil

My 3 year old son had the same name as me until about 6 weeks ago - we changed his name by deedpoll to my OH's surname. He is not his bio dad but is going to adopt him. I am 40 weeks pregnant with number 2, which will also have OH's surname as it was more important for me for both children to have the same surname rather than me have the same name.

I will eventually get married, couple of years and cant wait to get rid of my name, more so cos i hate my dad with a passion!!!! I hated my son having my surname because of my dad and didnt want him to carry on the family name.

caevans

It's a shame you feel sad about it. I chose for our daughters to have my husbands surname but didn't want to change my own. It might be unusual to do this but I haven't encountered any problems with it

meritaten

the simplest solution is to change your own surname - either by marraige or deed poll.
you are not alone hun - my grandsons surname is **** and his mums ******* - no-one bats an eyelash!
come to think of it my three grandaughters are known by their dads surname.............and my oldest grandson has had three surnames! first his mum and dads - double barrelled - then he dropped his dads surname and is now known by his stepfathers surname! some days even I am not sure which name he is going by!

mildred1978

caevans wrote: »

It's a shame you feel sad about it. I chose for our daughters to have my husbands surname but didn't want to change my own. It might be unusual to do this but I haven't encountered any problems with it

Me too. My son has my husband (his father)'s surname and my surname as his 2nd middle name. Hasn't caused a single issue yet.

mildred1978

meritaten wrote: »

the simplest solution is to change your own surname - either by marraige or deed poll.

Assuming she wants to change her name.

I didn't, I don't, and I don't have any intention of changing mine (married 8 years but known as 'me' for 36!!).

janninew

I don't think people really notice much these days with extended families and people getting re-married and having more children with a new partner. If it does bother you, which obviously it does if it makes you feel sad, then as others have said, you can change your surname, or get a move on and get married!!

balletshoes

Fredula wrote: »

I was curious to see how others feel about this.

When an unmarried couple have children, the child usually presumably takes the fathers surname.


I have a 9 week old who has his father's surname. We are engaged, but OH is in no rush to get married (as in he says we'll get married in 3 years time but isn't starting to save or anything so it's obviously not going to be that soon).

I feel kind of sad that I don't have the same surname as my son. Similarly, if I had insisted that because we weren't married, he took my surname, I'm sure my OH would feel the same. I feel embarrassed that our names are different, and when I pick up his prescriptions and take him to the doctors and things, they always ask if his surname is the same as mine.

Is anybody else a similar situation and feels the same? How do you cope with it?

I thought the opposite was usually the case ie the child has the mother's surname?

We were unmarried and not living together when our DD was born, she was given my (mum's) surname until we got married, then we applied to have her birth certificate changed when she was 2 years old.