Is this abuse?

HeatherintheHills

Steel wrote: »

Who said anything about bullying? But now you mention it....

Well it wasn't right for her was it?

We have no idea if it was or wasn't right for her. Nothing regarding abuse is instant, time will tell if some of the things said here help BM in the long run.

Because she's no longer posting here - she felt and said that the WA board would be more appropriate because people would understand why she was doing what she was doing

That spoke volumes to me.

Some people may care about OP - and some are here to look at the train wreck and pass comment (not you obviously!).

How do we know that going over to WA isn't the right next step forward for BM? It might be just what she needs to do. This thread has sent her there, that board might help her take the next step.

Yes, there is more understanding (usually) on the WA board, but the world is made up of many people, not just those of us who have suffered abuse. The views of those who don't understand are shocking to us but that is what they really think, we have to be aware of that when dealing with the world at large. I'd dearly love to know how BM is getting on but will not follow her to WA, I have more respect for her privacy than that.

If you are still reading BM, I wish you all the strength, love and happiness in the world.

Re the little dog, sorry Steel, but if you'd seen some of the torn and broken little bodies that are rescued from domestic abuse situations... well, I just don't have the words for it. Animals rarely have choices and should not be used as pawns or crutches. Not ever.

SophieCat

londonsurrey wrote: »

I suppose that this is where I don't regard the dog as a disposable commodity.

If she chose to get pregnant, or bring a young relative into the mix, I would say the same. She is wrong to risk the wellbeing of another. Whether this other lifeform gives her courage is a benefit to HER that doesn't cancel out the fact that this benefit is at the cost of risk to another.

I'm with out on the husband getting his just desserts. I'd also like to plant the idea in the OP's head that she equally capable of biting and doesn't need a dog to do it.

^^^ I agree. Plus, if the dog did bite him (whether it was defending the OP or not), it then runs the risk of being destroyed

RainbowDreamer

BM I hope you are well and managing to keep strong. I hope you feel able to post on the WA forum as I know you will get lots of sympathetic and experienced advice.

Steel_2

londonsurrey wrote: »

I suppose that this is where I don't regard the dog as a disposable commodity.

Neither do I. I said I cared more about BM. I didn't say I didn't care about the dog or regard it as disposable. That dog will do more for helping BM find and nurture the humanity and feelings that her husband has tried to destroy and that she has buried than any forum board or disapproving poster will ever do.

Animal souls heal more than words or drugs ever can.


Listen everyone, I'm going to bow out of this thread now. I'm supposed to be studying for diploma exams this weekend and I haven't done anything this afternoon but post on here and plant sweetcorn (which the chickens have just dug up).

I think many of you are wrong in the way you have approached and spoken to the OP over the last three weeks, and my opinion on that won't change.

I think many of you have been unnecessarily harsh, with the best intentions for sure, but for someone in her situation it just became another stick beating her. Except this time it was a group and not just her husband. Instead of a place of refuge, this place became a harsh critical world and she's had to go elsewhere rather than wanting to.

And yes, perhaps it was the next step Heather, but it could have done with more pateint support, gentle hands and kinder words. Certainly not frustration, a lack of patience, insinuations and the angry smilies.

Actually, this thread has helped me make a decision I've been putting off for a year, so I must thank you all on here for that. You've been more help than you will ever know.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Just to let you know I am finally meeting a keyworker from WA.

Hope this sorts me out, and thank you to everyone who has commented, advised, pushed and encouraged... BTW dog is doing well.


With gratitude

BM

green1970

Glad to hear that, BM, hope they're a real practical help to you over the coming months.

Best of luck to you. Hope you can move to creating a better, happier and more fulfilling life for you and your dog. xxxx

scot88

Thanks for the update BM. All the best to you.

dancingfairy

I'm so glad you are o.k. Stay strong. This thread has certainly bought out strong emotions in everybody. Everybody is/has been worried about you and just wants the best for you - however you manage to achieve it. I hope the WA meeting helps you.
Please pop in from time to time and let us know how you are getting on.
df

charlie3090

thats fantastic news,you go girl!,as i said before,wa are awesome,they truly saved my life and i will always be grateful to them,they will not judge you,just help you work through things,
wishing you lots of luck for the beginning of the rest of your life,
you can do this,
C x

Mad-Frog

Butterflymind

I am so glad you are getting some independent advice, how did it go?

What you have to realise on MSE, I have noticed reading lots of posts but not really posting much myself is that some people on this board would qualify for sainthood i.e. never losing their temper, never shouting at a child, never breaking any rules what so ever

Real life as you must know is not like that, we all try to do the right things, and I defy anyone to tell me they have never ever gone above the speed limit whilst driving (somebody will you betcha but modern cars these days always seem slower than they actually are!)

Listen to Steel and others that have been through what you are going through, they and only they can give you the support and help you need, if you choose not to do anything with that advice yet that is up to you but please let us know how you are doing from time to time some of us don't judge and would like to know how you are getting on
And that includes whether or not you decide to stay x

PS I hope WA is also giving you support too