Is this abuse?

Bitsy_Beans

OK look at it this way if you threw a ball at someone accidentally you would see, especially at the close range I am assuming it was. What would your natural reaction be? Rush over, check person is OK, show concern not turn around, and walk off.

Think back......did he pick the ball up after it hit you? You say he walks on and throws the ball for the dog.......did he have the ball in his hand already in order to throw it? If that is the case how could it accidentally hit you in the chest? Where was the dog in relation to all this? Behind you? To the side of you? Or in front? If its latter then how could it be an accident?
I don't doubt for one second this was anything but deliberate BUT if you study what occurred you can prove, if only in your mind, that it was deliberate and most importantly ABUSIVE action.

And please people......if you can't post anything constructive could you not post at all? If BM is doubting herself you piling it on too will only add to that and what happens........she ends up staying even longer

joannaspanner

Personally I find the fawning '' you go girl, you are so amazing woo yeh'' comments even more harmful, he hit her on purpose twice, and overanalyzing that will make her more confused surely?

londonsurrey

Butterflymind wrote: »

My head is saying he did it on purpose in such a way so he can deny it. Tried throwing ball same way over hand, have to plant feet firmly & lean back and put body into it. Even if he stumbled, reaction would be to force arm down, not across someone else....?

So, I am beating myself up emotionally after he did it, and had to block it out just to carry on. Slowly coming out of denial now....

What do you think?

BM

That he's not even man enough to hit someone openly. Just you watch him turn tail and start snivelling the moment someone stands up to him.

HeatherintheHills

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

And please people......if you can't post anything constructive could you not post at all? If BM is doubting herself you piling it on too will only add to that and what happens........she ends up staying even longer

There is no evidence on this thread that anything posted has made any difference at all, unfortunately.

Please do not imply that internet posts are making things worse for BM.

beautiful_ravens

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you again for your comments....

I'll explain, and ask you for your more objective comments:

Had huge row with OH and confronted him on everything. Denial all the way from him, even though I can prove he told me about hernia's on day my aunt died. Half-hearted apology 'If it happened, and I can't remember it, then I apologise'. I aksed for divorce. He said he felt gutted and we could work it out.

I felt 100% better, got rid of angry, frustrations, etc. No barriers anymore, communicating with each other. Wondered if we could work through this...

Walking on park few days later, me, OH, dog. No-one around. OH throwing ball (hard, rubber, solid) for her & she's retrieving it.

Suddenly he turns and rams ball into my chest so hard I double over in pain. He walks on, throws ball for dog, as if nothing happened. I confront him, he says it was sorry it was an accident and the ball slipped, but can't stop grinning at me.

Confront him again, he says ball hit me, not him. Yet I know he still had it in his hand when it hit me.

My heart is saying it is an accident, he didn't mean it, he apologised.

My head is saying he did it on purpose in such a way so he can deny it. Tried throwing ball same way over hand, have to plant feet firmly & lean back and put body into it. Even if he stumbled, reaction would be to force arm down, not across someone else....?

So, I am beating myself up emotionally after he did it, and had to block it out just to carry on. Slowly coming out of denial now....

What do you think?

BM

I think, thats purposeful, bullying, snide and aggressive.
Reminds me of the school playground actually, horrible memories of bully girls viciously throwing netballs at my head and running off grinning saying 'aw, really sorry!'
Thats not the behaviour of someone who cares, its the behaviour of someone who wants to see things hurting because it makes them feel alive.

Leave!

Bitsy_Beans

joannaspanner wrote: »

Personally I find the fawning '' you go girl, you are so amazing woo yeh'' comments even more harmful, he hit her on purpose twice, and overanalyzing that will make her more confused surely?

She is doubting it is deliberate, by getting her to replay the sequence of events might help her realise this was a deliberate action and no accident.
No one is fawning. People have praised when she's taken a step towards getting more support for herself.

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

There is no evidence on this thread that anything posted has made any difference at all, unfortunately.

Please do not imply that internet posts are making things worse for BM.

With all due respect BM has never been in this situation before, without a doubt it has escalated. I fail to see how the (given previous responses) b!tch-fest will not impact on her if she's in a more precarious position emotionally. Of course I don't know that for sure but then again neither do you.

joannaspanner

I apologise for telling someone who is being beaten up by her husband to leave him.

Bitsy_Beans

joannaspanner wrote: »

We are such b1tches, fancy telling someone to leave their husband when he starts beating her up eh??

Oh FGS don't be so pathetic. If you look back over previous responses it's the comments where people suggest it's a wind up, you're making it up etc. doubters telling an already doubting woman? How helpful is that?

HeatherintheHills

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

With all due respect BM has never been in this situation before, without a doubt it has escalated. I fail to see how the (given previous responses) b!tch-fest will not impact on her if she's in a more precarious position emotionally.

But she has been in this situation before, they had counselling, she split up with him.

The first time someone is abused all of the confusions and indecision is totally understandable. But when it happens again, and with the same man? Just because not everyone is taking the same sympathetic approach does not mean this is a b!tch-fest.

BM's head is buried in the sand and the tide is coming in. Do we dig and drag her out or do we hold her hands while she buries herself in even deeper?

I just wish I knew what the answer is but I do not.

kelpie35

joannaspanner wrote: »

I apologise for telling someone who is being beaten up by her husband to leave him.

couldn't have put it better myself

the op makes my so :mad::mad::mad::mad::mad::mad: with all her excuses.

I personally feel she is not getting enough attention from where she went for the last couple of weeks so has come back here for what?