Is this abuse?

thorsoak

Either Butterflymind is playing games with OUR minds - and sadly that is the view I am coming around too - or she needs a reality check - and I make no apology for stating my views so strongly.

I have worked with abused women in the past - in the sense that I have supported them in their actions in leaving an abusive situation and also I have worked alongside (in the workplace) women who are in abusive situations - yes, they make excuses ..."I bumped into the cupboard door" - my son/daughter jumped up and the top of their head gave me a black eye". Eventually something would happen that would mean that they would either have to leave their job - or they would leave the abusive partner.

But for someone to be questioning/doubting their ability to recognise what is happening to them to other people - even anonymously on an internet forum ....well.....

And I've never known Womens Aid to take over two/three weeks to appoint a support worker to someone having problems - even relatively minor problems!

Cow? Bull?

Bitsy_Beans

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

But she has been in this situation before, they had counselling, she split up with him.

The first time someone is abused all of the confusions and indecision is totally understandable. But when it happens again, and with the same man? Just because not everyone is taking the same sympathetic approach does not mean this is a b!tch-fest.

BM's head is buried in the sand and the tide is coming in. Do we dig and drag her out or do we hold her hands while she buries herself in even deeper?

I just wish I knew what the answer is but I do not.

I meant she hadn't been in the position of being physically abused before.

I don't see how people suggesting she is making it up is dragging her out of the sand? I don't expect everyone to sugar coat what they have to say but by suggesting she's a troll or that she's making it up is not how on earth is that constructive? It is this to which i am referring.

Lotus-eater

1st she said, that she asked him for a divorce and he punched her, then it turns out it was a few days later and something to do with a ball in the park.......

And she said she was finally motivated to do something by the punch, then she's unsure it was really a punch.

Forgive me for being a little confused.

thorsoak

In the not-too distant past, we had a thread about someone in an abusive situation, where the information was dripped out, each drip becoming more and more "bloody" - and it was a work of fiction and the thread was pulled!

Personally, I would far rather find out that this too is a work of fiction than that a woman is hesitating to pull herself away from an abuser.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you for your comments, even less positive ones are helping me think...

Yet again, I am just posting what has actually happened. Yet again, people don't believe it....

Thorsoak: I contacted WA weeks ago, didn't get back to me, and I put off going back to them. I should've rung again. I was doubting myself, thought I was making a fuss, lots going on. I only rang WA again after this incident in the park, as I was doubting my own sanity. OH was adamant it was an accident. Have been driving myself nuts trying to believe him/doubting him.

I spoke to keyworker at WA. She has confirmed OH abusive emotionally. That now he has punched me, even if he claims he did it by accident.

Sorry if I am confusing anyone, am confused myself. Wanted to post what's happened to make it sink in to my thick skull as still shocked by it/doubting myself....

But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

As I said before, I wish to God I didn't have to face this, don't want it to be happening, wish I could carry on burying head in sand, but, this is the final ultimation I don't want it to drag on anymore.

BM

Gigervamp

Butterflymind wrote: »

Suddenly he turns and rams ball into my chest so hard I double over in pain. He walks on, throws ball for dog, as if nothing happened. I confront him, he says it was sorry it was an accident and the ball slipped, but can't stop grinning at me.

If it was an accident, he wouldn't be grinning. Nobody who hurts someone by accident, grins at them.

There, you have it in black and white, now stop giving him chances and leave him.

neneromanova

The fact that he hit you and you still won't leave?! what will it really take for you to leave him? answer us that.

Gigervamp

Butterflymind wrote: »

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

WHY? !!!!!! BM, it's gone past giving him another chance and it's now even more dangerous for you to stay. You didn't believe us last time when we said it would escalate, now it has. Are you going to hang around to see if we're right about it getting even worse for you? You're playing a dangerous game.

sassyblue

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all


But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.


BM

FGS BM WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES

Stop asking him to change/go to counselling and start TELLING him.

Do you seriously think any more talking to him is going to work? He isn't going to do as you ask but he will get physical again because you asked!

You are in a dangerous situation, if true. I cannot understand why you can't see that.

kelpie35

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for your comments, even less positive ones are helping me think...

Yet again, I am just posting what has actually happened. Yet again, people don't believe it....

Thorsoak: I contacted WA weeks ago, didn't get back to me, and I put off going back to them. I should've rung again. I was doubting myself, thought I was making a fuss, lots going on. I only rang WA again after this incident in the park, as I was doubting my own sanity. OH was adamant it was an accident. Have been driving myself nuts trying to believe him/doubting him.

I spoke to keyworker at WA. She has confirmed OH abusive emotionally. That now he has punched me, even if he claims he did it by accident.

Sorry if I am confusing anyone, am confused myself. Wanted to post what's happened to make it sink in to my thick skull as still shocked by it/doubting myself....

But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

As I said before, I wish to God I didn't have to face this, don't want it to be happening, wish I could carry on burying head in sand, but, this is the final ultimation I don't want it to drag on anymore.

BM

Neither do we so get your act together and do something instead of bleating on here