Is this abuse?

thorsoak

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for your comments, even less positive ones are helping me think...

Yet again, I am just posting what has actually happened. Yet again, people don't believe it....

Yes - I do believe it ....I just cannot believe that it has happened to you and yet you still remain with an abusive partner - even after your original question "is this abuse" has been answered with a resounding YES!!

Thorsoak: I contacted WA weeks ago, didn't get back to me, and I put off going back to them. I should've rung again. I was doubting myself, thought I was making a fuss, lots going on. I only rang WA again after this incident in the park, as I was doubting my own sanity. OH was adamant it was an accident. Have been driving myself nuts trying to believe him/doubting him.

I spoke to keyworker at WA. She has confirmed OH abusive emotionally. That now he has punched me, even if he claims he did it by accident.

Sorry if I am confusing anyone, am confused myself. Wanted to post what's happened to make it sink in to my thick skull as still shocked by it/doubting myself....

But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

As I said before, I wish to God I didn't have to face this, don't want it to be happening, wish I could carry on burying head in sand, but, this is the final ultimation I don't want it to drag on anymore.

BM

On 13th June you said "Dear all

Just to let you know I am finally meeting a keyworker from WA.

Hope this sorts me out, and thank you to everyone who has commented, advised, pushed and encouraged... BTW dog is doing well."

Your doctor has told you to get away, your WA worker has told you that what you are experiencing is abuse ....does your OH have to accidentally on purpose hit you - or your dog again before you realise it?

It's time you took your future into your own hands - you are the only person that can remove you from this abuse. However much support and help you get from this forum or from the WA forum, sooner or later it is up to you.

HeatherintheHills

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for your comments, even less positive ones are helping me think...

Yet again, I am just posting what has actually happened. Yet again, people don't believe it....

Thorsoak: I contacted WA weeks ago, didn't get back to me, and I put off going back to them. I should've rung again. I was doubting myself, thought I was making a fuss, lots going on. I only rang WA again after this incident in the park, as I was doubting my own sanity. OH was adamant it was an accident. Have been driving myself nuts trying to believe him/doubting him.

I spoke to keyworker at WA. She has confirmed OH abusive emotionally. That now he has punched me, even if he claims he did it by accident.

Sorry if I am confusing anyone, am confused myself. Wanted to post what's happened to make it sink in to my thick skull as still shocked by it/doubting myself....

But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

As I said before, I wish to God I didn't have to face this, don't want it to be happening, wish I could carry on burying head in sand, but, this is the final ultimation I don't want it to drag on anymore.

BM

You are going to ask him to leave if he refuses to go to counselling?

In that one phrase you have found a way to drag one more chapter out of this drama. Sorry BM, you have pushed my credulity over the edge now. I wish you well.

Bitsy_Beans

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for your comments, even less positive ones are helping me think...

Yet again, I am just posting what has actually happened. Yet again, people don't believe it....

Thorsoak: I contacted WA weeks ago, didn't get back to me, and I put off going back to them. I should've rung again. I was doubting myself, thought I was making a fuss, lots going on. I only rang WA again after this incident in the park, as I was doubting my own sanity. OH was adamant it was an accident. Have been driving myself nuts trying to believe him/doubting him.

I spoke to keyworker at WA. She has confirmed OH abusive emotionally. That now he has punched me, even if he claims he did it by accident.

Sorry if I am confusing anyone, am confused myself. Wanted to post what's happened to make it sink in to my thick skull as still shocked by it/doubting myself....

But I also wanted to post that I have done positive things about it, as I have already stated today. I am not sitting on my hands, taking it step by step.

I am again talking to OH at week end despite what's happened. It is either counselling for him, or this is it, want him to leave.

As I said before, I wish to God I didn't have to face this, don't want it to be happening, wish I could carry on burying head in sand, but, this is the final ultimation I don't want it to drag on anymore.

BM

why oh why are you flogging a dead horse? He doesn't even admit he's got a problem so what makes you think on earth he'd even agree to counselling in the first place?

Final ultimatum? Really wish I believed that. By staying you are giving licence to say its OK to hit me and get away with it.

Disappointed to say the very least BM

busiscoming2

I have not read this thread for a while now and was surprised to still find it going.

I thought the OP would have seen sense by now and either moved out or thrown her partner out.

I have read the most recent posts and find myself increasing frustrated with the OP's excuses.

BM - No one said ending any relationship was easy, especially if your self esteem is at rock bottom but there is the possibility of a good and happy life after this downtrodden scary one. So just do it. End it. Be happy.

Mrs_Arcanum

HE WILL NOT CHANGE!!!

Every opportunity you give him just validates his behaviour so he will have NO REASON to change.

The only person who can change is YOU BM!

Bitsy_Beans

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

HE WILL NOT CHANGE!!!

Every opportunity you give him just validates his behaviour so he will have NO REASON to change.

The only person who can change is YOU BM!

Mrs arcanum raises a good point. You cannot change other people. They have to change themselves. If he will not accept he has a problem you are heading down yet another road to nowhere.

Yorkie1

Just a couple of statistics for you, BM.

On average, it takes a domestic violence victim over 30 separate assaults before they first contact the police.

On average, there are 2 women killed in this country per week by their partners.

Which of those statistics are you going to be?

Or neither?

He has assaulted you twice now. That is illegal. A criminal offence. You could go to the police and report it. That would get his attention if nothing else will.

But I don't think you can or will do it. Good luck with the increased support from WA, and I do recognise the progress you have reported. However, the slow pace at which you are moving is outweighed by the increase in his behaviour.

I'm pleased to hear he is back at work because it gives you some respite. But from the way you have previously posted, that makes you think that things are better and that things will improve. You are deluded if you believe that.

Mojisola

Yorkie1 wrote: »

On average, there are 2 women killed in this country per year by their partners.

I've read that two women every week are killed by their partners or ex-partners.

green1970

Ohhhh BM, why are you still with him hun, especially as his abuse is now totally obvious and utterly indefensible. You have a brain girl - use it and open your eyes so you can see it all clearly. Your marriage as you knew it is completely over but you still have time to make another life, even meet someone else truly wonderful in your future maybe, someone you can laugh and share with and who loves you unconditionally. Get your !!!! out of there sharpish, rent yourself a lovely little place with a great garden and then legally force the monster to sell your home so you have enough funds to go on your next exciting journey.

gravitytolls

green1970 wrote: »

Ohhhh BM, why are you still with him hun, especially as his abuse is now totally obvious and utterly indefensible. You have a brain girl - use it and open your eyes so you can see it all clearly. Your marriage as you knew it is completely over but you still have time to make another life, even meet someone else truly wonderful in your future maybe, someone you can laugh and share with and who loves you unconditionally. Get your !!!! out of there sharpish, rent yourself a lovely little place with a great garden and then legally force the monster to sell your home so you have enough funds to go on your next exciting journey.

Such good advice.

Please folks, no matter how long this goes on, please don't have a go at her, she's already behaving like any abused person, low self esteem, delusions of improvements, believing his lies etc. She questions whether it's her fault, has she caused this, is it up to her to sort it out? I wonder how many years a person puts up with this behaviour until they finally face up to the fact that things will never change, but will only continue to get worse?

Well, of course it is up to you BM, and you alone. But you need support to be able to take that final huge step. Do you think he'll let you go without a fight? Will he beg you to stay, tell you he loves you? Tell you you'e useless and no one else will have you?

The fact is, it doesn't matter, all that matters is that you know what you must do, the question is, are you ready to do it? I do hope so.