Is this abuse?

Yorkie1

Mojisola wrote: »

I've read that two women every week are killed by their partners or ex-partners.

Yes, that's what I meant to write - don't know what I was doing! Will go back and amend, ta.

faerie~spangles

thorsoak wrote: »

Either Butterflymind is playing games with OUR minds - and sadly that is the view I am coming around too - or she needs a reality check - and I make no apology for stating my views so strongly.

I have worked with abused women in the past - in the sense that I have supported them in their actions in leaving an abusive situation and also I have worked alongside (in the workplace) women who are in abusive situations - yes, they make excuses ..."I bumped into the cupboard door" - my son/daughter jumped up and the top of their head gave me a black eye". Eventually something would happen that would mean that they would either have to leave their job - or they would leave the abusive partner.

But for someone to be questioning/doubting their ability to recognise what is happening to them to other people - even anonymously on an internet forum ....well.....

And I've never known Womens Aid to take over two/three weeks to appoint a support worker to someone having problems - even relatively minor problems!

Cow? Bull?

Unlike many victims of domestic violence, BM is in the fortunate position of having some money in the bank, no children to provide for, access to a car and parental support.

I'm surely not the only one who finds the timing of 'her' replies somewhat suspect?

beautiful_ravens

I dont know. . I do know that this thread is very frustrating and people saying they are suspicious makes me question the thread too. However I know how long it can take a person to leave, so.. ??
If its a wind-up it isnt funny.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you for your comments/advice. Even those of you who have lost patience/don't believe me... I'm sorry if this angers or upsets you, struggling to grasp it myself, though it sounds stupid.

I just wanted to update what's happened as many people were concerned on here...

My parents are the one's urging me to stay and ask him to leave because of how much work has gone into this place. Everyone else thinks I should go....

I won't post again as it seems to upset so many of you. Just know that I am at last taking positive steps with WA, who are setting up a support plan for me....

I realise that many of you find it hard to understand. Physically, I could pack my bags, but emotionally I would still be tied here, if that makes any sense? Tried to think how to explain it.

Take this as a poor example, if your child had done something that you felt was awful, you wouldn't stop loving them. You'd want to know why, try to help them, try to understand, wouldn't you? Not a good example because I don't have kids.

I'm full of bloody excuses. At least he is being nice at the moment....

Good bye and thank you to everyone for their advice.

BM

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

My parents are the one's urging me to stay and ask him to leave because of how much work has gone into this place. Everyone else thinks I should go....

Do your parents really value the house above your safety? Are they going to come and visit you in Intensive Care and say "It's important to go back and live with him because of all the work you did in the house?"

Aesop

BM, said it before, those of us who have not been through DV will not understand your feelings, etc. To us on the outside, who have not been through it, it looks so simple, leave.

But then if I look at it from a different point of view, I have a child. If I decided to leave his Dad as the relationship wasn't working out, I would probably look at our child and think "they will miss their dad," and how can I leave because of them?

So maybe that is how we should view your feelings?

I have a friend who recently told me about DV. I told her to get out, she hasn't. I said if he lays another hand on her, she had to go. She has recently booked a 2 week trip to the Caribean with hubby and kids. I thought straight away,what is she doing? Is she mad, leave.

But I understand she has kids, she is thinking of them growing up without a father, and probably thinks this holiday will fix them, I hope so. Because if not, I want her out.

But I kinda agree with your parents, it is your house and should be the one to leave, not you.

kelpie35

Good bye BM:hello:

thorsoak

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for your comments/advice. Even those of you who have lost patience/don't believe me... I'm sorry if this angers or upsets you, struggling to grasp it myself, though it sounds stupid.

I just wanted to update what's happened as many people were concerned on here...

My parents are the one's urging me to stay and ask him to leave because of how much work has gone into this place. Everyone else thinks I should go....

I won't post again as it seems to upset so many of you. Just know that I am at last taking positive steps with WA, who are setting up a support plan for me....

Whilst you remain with the abuser?????

I realise that many of you find it hard to understand. Physically, I could pack my bags, but emotionally I would still be tied here, if that makes any sense? Tried to think how to explain it.

Take this as a poor example, if your child had done something that you felt was awful, you wouldn't stop loving them. You'd want to know why, try to help them, try to understand, wouldn't you? Not a good example because I don't have kids.

I'm full of bloody excuses. At least he is being nice at the moment....

Good bye and thank you to everyone for their advice.

BM

Goodbye, BM - I understand it that you have realised that your little fantasy has been worked out here - and that now you will take it to another forum, somewhere else.

There has been excellent advice given here to true sufferers of Domestic Violence - support and empathy from people who have themselves suffered from Domestic Violence.

It is just a shame that someone has "milked" genuine people for a tale that is terrible in the telling.

BTW - have you heard of muchausens syndrome by internet, BM??

Please don't bother to reply - I shan't read it.

beautiful_ravens

thorsoak wrote: »

There has been excellent advice given here to true sufferers of Domestic Violence - support and empathy from people who have themselves suffered from Domestic Violence.

That at least is very true and hopefully useful.

DaisyMoo

I am so very disappointed to learn that things have ended with people wondering why they bothered to invest their time and emotions.

If it makes any difference to all the kind people who have showed compassion and generosity - your wise words have helped people in some way.

I stumbled across this thread while looking for assistance for my friend and have found some amazing advice on how to support her through her difficult time, so thank you all xx