Is this abuse?

Mojisola

Hiddenidenity wrote: »

Thats the point, people on here including myself have been in that situation. I know how hard it is to leave.

We are trying to help you to make you realise, it WONT stop and they NEVER change.

Hope you see sense and do the right thing.

How do you make someone realise that? Did people advise you to leave your relationship - did you listen to them?

It is so hard to make someone realise that things won't improve - that their partner will always abuse them and that the longer they stay, the worse things will get.

HeatherintheHills

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

I honestly am not belittling or insulting anyone. I am apologising, and taking the good advice I have had on here, and finally following it as I have said, bar the final step.

I have read every post, but cannot reply to you all, tried to thank you all (even tho thanks button doesn't work).

I know it may well be a foolish and selfish action to keep dog here. I am doing everything to look after her.

As I said before, just talking to people here has really helped to give me impartial advice & lots of it. I am sorry its frustrating people as I am travelling at snail pace.

Travelling at a snail's pace if fine, and probably best. It is when you start travelling backwards, as you have done recently, that people react strongly. You are currently back where you were at the time of your first post, no WA contact, dog back where she can be used to hurt you. Documents still in your home and he knows where they are. Do you see where I am going with this?

I will post on WA site, as it is upsetting and worrying people here. But I will post update when I have done something positive to let people know who have taken the time and trouble & posted their thoughts and sad experiences on here.

Thank you

Please do not worry. OH is, as I said, laying off at the moment and not checking as much, and I am still taking the tablets/counselling. I do feel stronger than I did, and I know in part that everyone on here has helped. And I promise you all I will finally get back to WA...

Good!

I just wanted to say thank you to you all, even the harder comments I have read, which I know I deserve.

Kind of finding it hard to handle those at the moment ...

We know, in most instances they are not written lightly. Those comments might turn out to be the biggest help we are able to give you.

BM

Stay safe BM, and keep moving forwards.

Mad-Frog

Tamsin Sorry but that is a horrible thing to say, as others have pointed out BM is taking baby steps and is slowly waking up to the fact it is 'not right' her relationship

How many posters have posted that it took several beatings, years of mental and physical abuse to leave yet here we are expecting BM to post a few times in a few weeks pack a bag and go

BM it goes without saying we all expect you to protect that dog and maybe bringing it back into the house without your OH acknowledging or having been told of his behaviour was not necessarily the right choice

Bitsy_Beans

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

For not getting the dog out of there - rot in hell

Totally uncalled for and quite frankly unnecessary.
In order to get BM to leave an abusive relationship we are to now resort to being abusive ourselves? See the irony in that?


BM I personally have no issue with you continuing to post but I definately think that posting on the WA forums is a good idea too.

Aesop

Mojisola wrote: »

It looks so simple from the outside but it's really hard to leave an abusive relationship.

That's what I was trying to say in my post. It is difficult when I am typing on my phone to get across what I am trying to say. I hate my phone!

I was trying to say, those of us who have never been in an abusive relationship, do not and probably will not understand why someone cannot just get up and go. I kind of understand it is not that easy, even when there are no kids involved. There are a whole lot of reasons why it is difficult to go, wanting the person to change, wanting things to go back to the way they were before the abuse, scared, fearful, etc.

I was trying to be supportive to the OP, as in saying, some of the posts on here are harsh, some sound uncaring, for those of us who have not be in an abusive relationship, it is easy to post words, but we do not really understand what the OP is feeling, going through, and as others have said on here, it took some years to leave, others having been hospitalised, etc.

I am supporting the OP as in, we do not need to abuse her to try to make her leave. We just need to try and understand why it is not as simple as walking out of the door.

green1970

Glad you're getting support on the WA website, BM. Keep repeating to yourself that he is abusing you and only he is responsible for that abuse until you know it to be true. Hope you make your escape soon hun, you have a wonderful life ahead of you and at the moment, he's eating into that precious time.

Tamsin_Temrin

If you read what I have put about how tough it is to leave an abusive situation I have been pretty supportive of the OP.

for what she is doing to the dog - I stand by what I said. Bringing the dog back is sick

Mojisola

Tamsin_Temrin wrote: »

for what she is doing to the dog - I stand by what I said. Bringing the dog back is sick

This worries me because I wonder whether this is a subconscious dare - will he stay being "nice" to me or will his true colours show and he'll hurt the dog. If he does that, I'll know I am right to leave - but it will be too late for the dog.

Totally unacceptable!

sassyblue

Mojisola wrote: »

This worries me because I wonder whether this is a subconscious dare - will he stay being "nice" to me or will his true colours show and he'll hurt the dog. If he does that, I'll know I am right to leave - but it will be too late for the dog.

Totally unacceptable!

I don't think BM will ever leave, despite what he does to her or the dog. She'll always make an excuse or blame herself.

If this thread is even true, l mean do WA actually not respond to calls for help?

RainbowDreamer

In my experience WA do phone back as promised. They are very very helpful. Plus there are numerous numbers you can ring (some of them free to call) where you are given excellent advice and can be referred to a support worker that you see weekly face to face.
Obviously they are very busy and will prioritise people who are in great immediate danger. BUT I still find they get back to you within a couple of days max.
I can't say the same for BM as I am not her. I am just stating my own experience of WA. They are also always very welcoming to speak to me and help me if I ring them on any given day and at any time of day. They are never too busy for anyone in need.