Is this abuse?

londonsurrey

Bottom line, your life is your own. If you stay, and something bad happens, we will be very sad. But it is your choice.

If you love the dog, you will ensure that it is not exposed to danger. By "needing" it, you are putting YOUR needs before the DOG's needs. This is purely selfish behaviour. Recognise it as such. This is not you "loving" the dog. Women in war torn countries e.g. Saigon were begging for strangers to take their beloved babies, to give them a chance.

True love puts the other person's/creature's needs BEFORE your own
Your life is yours to ruin. You should not do that to a dog you profess to love

kelpie35

I have only made 1 post, and I am not going to continue to post.

I now feel that the op has decided that she know better than all the people who have tried to support her.

I will only ask 1 question.

How did she manage to get the strength to get out the house to go and pick up her dog, knowing she had her papers handy and money in the bank?

None of this make sense to me :eek:

charlie3090

just want to know bm,how will you"not let him harm her"?, will you take the dog to the toilet/bath/sleep with you?,
the other posters are correct,you are putting your needs before this totally defenceless creature,that is every bit as selfish as your husband is,tbh i find this disgusting,this is a living creature,not a bloody teddy bear.
please reconsider your decision and use the time apart from your little dog as motivation to sort things out and make a new life for you both.

Aesop

Butterflymind wrote: »

I just needed someone to read what was happening and tell me it isn't right, as I still doubt myself.

it isn't right.

there, it has been said.

RainbowDreamer

You will continue to doubt yourself until you leave him. Thats the truth.
Go onto the Women's Aid website.. there is a forum there. Other women post there often with their stories. some have left their abusers and others are preparing to leave.
Why don't you put your story on there and see what the women who have experience abuse say? I am very sure they will agree it is abuse.

thehappybutterfly

kelpie35 wrote: »

I have only made 1 post, and I am not going to continue to post.

I now feel that the op has decided that she know better than all the people who have tried to support her.

I will only ask 1 question.

How did she manage to get the strength to get out the house to go and pick up her dog, knowing she had her papers handy and money in the bank?

None of this make sense to me :eek:

Nor me.

I must be off my head for posting AGAIN but what does your husband say about the time you spend on this forum? Isn't he questioning you? You're allowed out and about and to spend time on the PC but you're denied bathroom privacy and sleep? :think:

I'm beginning to doubt this entire thread. Things just aren't adding up.......

Butterflymind

Dear all

I do what I can. As I said, some days I don't do anything at all, took a hell of a lot to gather documents (days) as and when OH at work, in between him coming home.

Took more nerve to ring WA to follow advice on here, but, haven't got back to me and struggling to ring them again.

Finally standing up to OH about redundancy and putting it aside made me feel better about myself, feel now job is over, one stress gone. Now more time gone by am starting to grieve properly, and OH has been laying off (after all hard work I've done). OH keeps popping in to see screen, so I hop back to game on another tab.

Feeling stronger meant I felt I can cope with doglet despite OH. Especially now he is being pleasant to us both...

I know it's a strange situation myself. I read this back and it's like it's happened to someone else. I am past master at blocking the bad stuff out, and treading on my own emotions, pretending things are fine/I'm fine.

But underneath I am a mass of doubt. Especially now it's my fault for being upset/shutting him out.

Please continue to be sceptical - it reinforces the fact that it isn't normal and actually is helpful for giving me a prod that it is a kind of weird set-up at best.

Doing my best not to bury head in sand and block all these things as I normally do, just to get by.

Some people say I should get angry. I have, in the past, yet still ended up like this. I get frustrated at myself, depressed, angry at myself, but, most of all I get so weary, so tired, that I feel too apathetic to do anything.

Like I said before, he isn't phyiscally abusive, doesn't lock me in, or force me to stay. He 'discusses' things, like why he doesn't think so and so is a suitable friend, or rants about family or neighbours or work. Know he is damaged.

Feel like I am hooked into this relationship, convince myself some days I am getting upand packing and leaving, then see him and can't do it, sad eyes looking at me like he needs help...

Difficult to explain if you havent been there.... I hope others who read this, get the help and advice they need, and I am appalled at what they have gone thro and survived. Feel like what is happening to me is nothing by comparison...

Know others who have posted said it took them years (ad it turned physical) before they got out & really hope I can find that courage.

It's taken a lot for me to post here from where I started, and it has helped me to keep questioning it. Tough talk is hard to read, but, I realise a lot of it is true, down to being selfish about dog.

BM

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

Please continue to be sceptical - it reinforces the fact that it isn't normal and actually is helpful for giving me a prod that it is a kind of weird set-up at best.

Difficult to explain if you havent been there.... I hope others who read this, get the help and advice they need, and I am appalled at what they have gone thro and survived. Feel like what is happening to me is nothing by comparison...

RainbowDreamer wrote: »

Go onto the Women's Aid website.. there is a forum there. Other women post there often with their stories. some have left their abusers and others are preparing to leave.

Why don't you put your story on there and see what the women who have experience abuse say? I am very sure they will agree it is abuse.

Follow RD's advice.

londonsurrey

It's great that you can see the point about Dog.

If you were my friend (and so took for granted my dark twisted sense of humour without getting offended by it), I would follow it up by laughing at you, and saying "Do you realise that you actually agree that you wouldn't leave a dog with him, and you're still there..."

Gigervamp

Butterflymind wrote: »

Difficult to explain if you havent been there.... I hope others who read this, get the help and advice they need, and I am appalled at what they have gone thro and survived. Feel like what is happening to me is nothing by comparison...

That's why it took me a while before I left my 1st husband. He *only* slapped me, (amongst the verbal and financial abuse) and I thought to myself, there are women out there being killed or put into hospital by their partners, so a slap here and there is nothing. He was just p!ssed.
And I carried on, making excuses, thinking that some of it was my fault which was exacerbated by him being drunk.

Eventually, I made a friend at a day class. She was a single mum and I asked her how she coped financially. After that, I rang the DSS to find out how much I would be entitled to, looked at the bills to see what they were and jumped.

I had 2 small children at the time and was childminding others. My ex wasn't like a lot of the men in DV cases in that I didn't fear for my life, but it was still DV.

It was the best thing that I did. I remember asking him one day "If I did what you wanted me to do, would you still hit me?" He paused and thought and replied "Yes, probably." I admired his honesty and it gave me the ok to start the leaving process.

We're now on good terms.