Is this abuse?

Gigervamp

BM could have left safely on a number of occasions, such as when he went into hospital, or she went out to her leaving do, or when she's gone to her councillor.

She has also been given advice to contact WA numerous times. I thought she was given a case worker from WA. What happened to that I wonder?

Triker

Heard this today and thought of you OP,

To help victims of domestic violence vets in Scotland are to be trained in spotting signs of abuse not only in pets but also their owners. The Domestic Abuse Veterinary Initiative (DAVI) has been developed by six charities including Medics Against Violence .The scheme prepares vets in how to recognise signs so that they can then help victims if concerns are identified. Former President of the British Veterinary Association, Dr Freda Scott-Park, and Founder of Medics Against Violence, Dr Christine Goodall, join Jenni to explain how the connection between animal cruelty and domestic violence can be exploited more fully to help victims.



Its on Radio 4 and is available to listen again here...http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01j6wgq/Womans_Hour_01_06_2012/

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you for replying, even the negative replies, I know you are right.

I have relied on you all too much to prod me to do things, have got documents together, have put redundancy aside in my account, have rung WA, but, altho they assigned key worker, haven't had a call back yet. I know I need to try again...

I am taking tablets (a/d's) and counselling for all that's happened.

Unfortunately what's happened is true. I am sorry some of you don't believe it, & that's your right to your opinion, and I am very grateful people have told me what's happened to them. I know it takes guts to post on here. I know I deserve some stick for being such a wimp and staying.

I deserve the flak, for keeping little dog here, but I am looking after her. Just feel selfish for needing her. I won't let OH touch her. It's hard to break this cycle and I am trying with baby steps until I feel stronger....

I have reached out to friends, counsellors, GP, but I know it's me that has to decide to make the last scary step. I know it's my fault I am in this situation.

I just needed someone to read what was happening and tell me it isn't right, as I still doubt myself. I shouldn't expect strangers to let me lean on them. I must be relying too much on you all - enabling me to stay... Know I am a coward. Just needed to talk to people.

Please try and stay positive for me if you can, I understand if people don't want to anymore or post anymore, I am asking too much... I won't post any more if it is upsetting too many people. I get frustrated at myself... I am apologising again.....

BM

thehappybutterfly

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you for replying, even the negative replies, I know you are right.

I have relied on you all too much to prod me to do things, have got documents together, have put redundancy aside in my account, have rung WA, but, altho they assigned key worker, haven't had a call back yet. I know I need to try again...

I am taking tablets (a/d's) and counselling for all that's happened.

Unfortunately what's happened is true. I am sorry some of you don't believe it, & that's your right to your opinion, and I am very grateful people have told me what's happened to them. I know it takes guts to post on here. I know I deserve some stick for being such a wimp and staying.

I deserve the flak, for keeping little dog here, but I am looking after her. Just feel selfish for needing her. I won't let OH touch her. It's hard to break this cycle and I am trying with baby steps until I feel stronger....

I have reached out to friends, counsellors, GP, but I know it's me that has to decide to make the last scary step. I know it's my fault I am in this situation.

I just needed someone to read what was happening and tell me it isn't right, as I still doubt myself. I shouldn't expect strangers to let me lean on them. I must be relying too much on you all - enabling me to stay... Know I am a coward. Just needed to talk to people.

Please try and stay positive for me if you can, I understand if people don't want to anymore or post anymore, I am asking too much... I won't post any more if it is upsetting too many people. I get frustrated at myself... I am apologising again.....

BM

Well, perhaps we should all stop posting. Would that help?

Newly_retired

I despair.
You may have left it too late.
Go NOW

lizzie157

I'm not sure WA is very good at getting back to people I have phoned and left messages when I couldn't get through and never been called back. I also emailed them on a non -urgent matter last week and am still waiting for a reply. Beginning to think the best bet is to call in if you have acentre nrear you and you can do it safely.

Bitsy_Beans

BM I seriously torn between wanting to support you and giving you a bloody good shake.

What exactly is it that you want? You ask if its abuse and we all confirm just that. You've left him once before, gone back and things are exactly the same. Just how many times does this man have to p!ss all over you before you get the message? So what if hes being nice at the moment. Do you honestly think it will last? I am afraid I am not sure I could stay with any man who treated me so appalingly whilst pregnant with THEIR child, domestic abuse or otherwise. I confess I struggle to understand WHY you stay.

I am afraid the very fact that you've taken doglet back home suggests that at least subconsciously you want to stay. Does it not occur to you that the very fact you feel it necessary to insist he doesnt touch her isn't what normal, healthy couples do? Why do you need her so much? Clearly your H isn't fulfilling that need, have you bothered to ask yourself WHY? I fail to see what it is exactly you are waiting for.

Am afraid I have winced at some of the replies on here but I entirely understand why people are feeling so frustrated.

SophieCat

I'm not sure why you felt it was a good idea to bring your poor little doggy back?? Not only was she safer where she was, but she could have been your goal/motivation to leave :huh:

Also, have you thought any more about going away for a few days??

green1970

What if you did go back to work though, BM, who would be having the dog then - have you really thought this through, or are you being selfish because you 'need' her to prop you up. She's not a toy, she's a living thing who's been brought back to her abuser, how could you do that? She belongs with you, yes, but somewhere else, away from the control freak.

You have to be in control of what happens to YOU, if you need sleep then sleep, if you need light to do the things you're doing then you put the light on, if you want to go back to work then do it. You need to realise that you control your life, no-one else, unless you allow them to. If you are honest and open with yourself, you see him for exactly what he is - staying there is just toxic to your ability to see things clearly. Please take yourself away, for at least a holiday with your dog. He'll just have to fend for himself and lump it, he's a grown-up, he'll manage. You need to go away and think, really think and take some time to rest properly.

RacyRed

BM, do one thing. Just this ONE thing.

Take doglet back to your aunt and stay with or near her for a few days.

You can afford it now. You are not working so have the time. You have no excuse whatsoever for not doing this one thing, and it was prescribed by your doctor.

That is it. That is all you really need to do. This one little thing.

Do it BM.