Is this abuse?

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

Am protecting doglet

In what kind of relationship does one partner need to protect their pet from the other partner? Not a healthy one!

I am also upset that you have brought the dog back to the house. If you want to be a willing partner in his manipulative games, that is your choice and you will suffer the consequences. Your dog has no such choice.

Gigervamp

Mojisola wrote: »

In what kind of relationship does one partner need to protect their pet from the other partner? Not a healthy one!

I am also upset that you have brought the dog back to the house. If you want to be a willing partner in his manipulative games, that is your choice and you will suffer the consequences. Your dog has no such choice.

^^^^ This. Especially the bit I've put in bold.

Melonade

Poor little dog At least you can make the choice to be there or to walk out. If he does anything to that dog it will be your fault for bringing her back.

In my opinion (and I know some people will probably disagree with me) it's the same as putting a child in a position were they could be abused... neither a pet or a child have a choice, they need someone to protect and look out for them.

I love my dog to bits even though he is the biggest pain in the backside going and can be very difficult most of the time. But if my OH ever thought about doing something to hurt him (he wouldn't btw as he loves him too) I would knock he teeth right out and kick him out the door while he was bent down picking them up!!

Anyway it sounds like you've made your choice and how you want to live your life from now on, good luck.

CATS

Hi OP,

I have been following your posts and had a lot of sympathy for you at the start, I have not posted as all the advice you have already been given is really good. However I am now feeling rather frustrated, are you just getting a kick out of the situation and the fact that so many kind people are replying and supporting you? I am sorry to sound harsh but you are starting to sound very pathetic, almost as if you are enjoying it all, and enjoy being a victim and getting sympathy from strangers. Your poor dog, how irresponsible you are, why bring her home? what are you going to do if he kicked her? what are you going to do if he punched her? how are you going to protect her? simple, you wont, you will stand there and let him do it and then come here to get sympathy, what else are you waiting for? When he hurts her then it will be your fault and you can feel guilty about. Grow up and get your dog out of there

charlie3090

agree with the other posters please get the dog out of there,even if you dont care enough about yourself,as someone whos been in a situation not unlike yours,i can promise you he will hurt your little dog.
he will be jealous of the dog,whatever you think.
sorry to be harsh but the dog doesnt have a choice, you do.

Mojisola

CATS wrote: »

I have been following your posts and had a lot of sympathy for you at the start, I have not posted as all the advice you have already been given is really good.

However I am now feeling rather frustrated, are you just getting a kick out of the situation and the fact that so many kind people are replying and supporting you? I am sorry to sound harsh but you are starting to sound very pathetic, almost as if you are enjoying it all, and enjoy being a victim and getting sympathy from strangers.

It's a difficult balance to strike with someone who is in an abusive relationship - their self-confidence will have been undermined, they will no longer trust their own judgment and they will have been conditioned to believe that all the bad things that happen are their fault.

With lots of positive support, most can eventually break away from their abuser. Others use the support to enable them to stay - the outside support is just enough to keep them from reaching breaking point.

At what stage do supporters become enablers? It's a difficult one.

CATS

I understand Mojisola, I guess this is frustrating, as I grew up in a DV situation that my mother put us through by choice, it was her choice to stay, not ours as kids, we had to put up with it. Her excuse? "I did it for the kids, I didnt want you to grow up without a dad" how pathetic is that??? so its better for us to grow up with abuse instead???

The poor dog doesn't have a choice, as kids we didn't have a choice!!!!! I think OP at least needs to wake up and rescue the dog, if she is happy to be a victim herself then be it but she shouldnt put her dog through it. We might hear in a few weeks how he killed the dog and how guilty she feels for it!!

hunters

Sat and read the whole thread don't believe any of it and find it really upsetting to think that in order to help some people are giving out their most personal stories to have it thrown back in their face in this fashion.

just my opinion

BugglyB

hunters wrote: »

Sat and read the whole thread don't believe any of it and find it really upsetting to think that in order to help some people are giving out their most personal stories to have it thrown back in their face in this fashion.

just my opinion

I agree - its upsetting that all through the thread people are saying they are genuinely upset and worried for the op.

Also the most common advice is 'just pack a bag and leave'. If OP truly was in a high risk domestic violence situation that is the time she would be most likely to be seriously hurt or murdered. If she was a real person, she would be better off with professional help to safely leave the situation.

lessonlearned

BM

I have not posted for some time because like many of the other posters on here I am both bewildered at the way things have been allowed to rumble on and rather exasperated that you just can't seem to see the wood for the trees.

Someone mentioned the other day it's almost as if you are addicted to both your OH and the situation. It certainly seems that way. If that's the way it is then there's not much to be said. It's up to you to wake up and smell the coffee.

However, I do tend to agree with the other posters regarding your attitude to your poor little dog.

How can you be so blind BM. You can make a choice to stay with your monstrous, abusive partner - your poor little dog does not have the luxury of that choice.

You have put your dog in danger and that really is unforgiveable. If you won't save yourself then you should at least protect your dog. Take her back to your aunt's house - that is the very least you can do.

You may think I'm being harsh but you are not facing reality. The cold hard truth is that your scum bag of a partner will use your dog as a means to control you.

If you won't save yourself then save your poor defenceless dog.