Is this abuse?

kelpie35

I have read through this whole post and became very frustrated with the OP.

You have been given excellent advice.

What I can't understand is why you are continuing to post as you have obviously made up your mind you are happy to continue in your present circumstances.

You have some financial security now also family and friends who would support you................what is your problem now????

thehappybutterfly

BM - I can't believe you've brought your dog back into this disaster [STRIKE]waiting to happen[/STRIKE].

I don't see a happy ending, and I'm all out of advice and support.

Good luck.

smileyt_2

I know I said I wasn't going to post again, but I had to post on behalf of your dog. Why have you brought her back? There is a very strong likelihood that he will abuse her again, and this time cause her permanent damage or even death. So OH is being nice to her? He is building up her trust, and she, poor trusting soul, will be taking it at face value because that's what dogs do. If you can't rescue yourself, at least do the decent thing and send her back to your aunt's, out of harm's way.

You are skating on very thin ice, BM, and I very much fear your dog is going to be the first to cop for it as that is the most direct means your OH has of hurting you. If he can cause you to lose your (his!) baby, a dog will mean nothing to him.

I'm sorry to be blunt, but your dog has no voice of her own so it is up to strangers (on this thread) to try and defend her.

Get her out of there now, even if you want to stay with your twisted OH.

Tamsin_Temrin

Get the dog out of there before it gets really hurt

I know it is hard for you to get out of this quicksand, but get the dog out. Or you are colluding in its abuse.

Put it this way - if I had seen your hubs doing what you describe I would be considering RSPCA. If you can't protect yourself atm protect the dog and ring WA again - and as often as it takes. Re-read the thread.

but get the dog the f out of there.

duchy

It's as if you're waiting for him to do something truely awful so you can justify leaving-Unfortunately now Doglet is back she's his easy target.

Please ring WA again

Mad-Frog

It is not your fault it is your husbands fault

He contributed to you losing your babies
He abused your dog by standing on fluffy paw and yanking dog of the bed by her back paws
He left it until your lowest point to tell you a lie about him having cancer (that in my opinion is not the action of a person who loves and cherishes someone!!)
He checked up on you during the day
He now orders you to do everything around the home and garden
He makes out you can't do anything right
He thinks it is okay for you to slab the garden single handily
He has made you sleep deprived
He turns of the electric so you have to sit in the dark
He wants your redundancy money
He had an op and is now too sick to return to work so is home with you 24/7 why can't he go back to work, many many people do after an op
He sulks when you stand up to him
Your family hate him
Your friends were not surprised when you told them he was abusing you
You were grieving for the loss of people you loved yet now it is your fault because you pushed him out (oh the poor love, didn't think that when he told you the lump lie did he??)
Your counsellor is rubbish many people have already told you so there is no stopping you changing
Why haven't you contacted WA again? They probably haven't gotten round to you yet because of other priority cases .... BM that is the key you don't seem to understand the longer you stay the greater the risk you have of becoming a priority case

Bringing that dog back into your home is not a good idea, how will you feel if he does abuse the dog again? BM that would be something to feel guilty about

Keep posting where are your family and friends in this? Are they supporting you? helping you out of your depression (which I will say again will improve massively if you left for a few days even like your GP TOLD YOU TO DO!) sorry for shouting but we are trying to get through to you

Mrs_Arcanum

The dog will be used to get the money and your cooperation. Let alone the drip drip eating away at your redundancy by him paying less & less to household expenses without this added blackmail.

How can you do this to your poor innocent doggie? I am absolutely horrified at the prospect.

This just confirms you are happy to continue to be the victim and WANT to be a controlled, manipulated, deceived doormat.

You have the financial means to leave, instead you create more pressure for yourself, give more leverage to him and stay with this worthless piece of excrement.


WHY?

Tamsin_Temrin

If that dog was a child I would call the social.

If you had had children he would have been just as abusive to them, if not worse, and you would have been condemned for allowing it.

Get the dog out. If you want to be with the dog so much, get out with the dog, but if you are not in a place to protect yourself, then at least protect the dog.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you for your support/caring.

I can't explain it - after all that's happened, it is still hard to make that decision to go.

Especially now he is being nice., to me and dog...

OH on sick for another week, and doesn't want to go back to work... Went to another leaving do, and it felt good to be with friendly faces. He said it would do me good...? Feel like I am a bad person for complaining on here....

He has also said he realises I am not fully fit to work (had pushed me to sign on, but I felt it was a positive step for me).

Now saying he will have to go back to work as someone's got to. Still tired... Still haven't contacted WA again. Still want to talk to him about all that's happened.

Don't feel as depressed now, have off-loaded to counsellor, she might not be DV expert, but having someone to grieve with has helped. Friends urged me to go, want to keep contact, but still here, like this isn't the right time yet...?

Weary... Am protecting doglet but so far OHhas been really good with her...

BM

Tamsin_Temrin

BM - he was really good to you when he wasnt forcing you to eg go shopping when you risked a miscarriage. He stole your baby.

He isnt being nice to you hes just being not nasty

He knows you have the means to get out while money is in your name.

He is playing the guilt trip about going back to work, betcha he wont get there for long

And if you dont work and he is on SSP then your escape fund is going to melt like icecream in a furnace

Get the dog the f out of there.

btw - talk to him all you want. He may beat you up, break some bones, kick the dog to pieces or just turn it round to your fault. Wont help you but will give him a shedload of ammunition to use against you. Remember how he barged in while you were showering and inspected you like a piece of meat. He will turn that to your fault, you will feel guilty and you will promise to never ever lock the bathroom door again. betcha half a dollar.

get the dog away from there.