Is this abuse?

HeatherintheHills

Hovel_lady wrote: »

Butterflymind - I was thinking about you and this popped into my head.
I will only add that it feels sooooooooo good to be walking down another street


Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson ~

Brilliant. Thanks for posting that Hovel Lady

Butterflymind

Hi all


Thanks HL, I relate to that... Trying not to get sucked back in as he's being so nice.

Saw counsellor today. Feeling more positive, looking for volunteer work to get out in day time, signing on JSA tomorrow, got good job-sites on favourites. Don't get much privacy to post here.

Feeling stronger, more positive, less like a victim. Guess in part as OH is laying off me. Ran out of things to give me to do, or stuff he thinks of to do e.g. sleep disturbance. Doing all little things to feel safer in bed at night, privacy in bathroom, going JSA, moving forward has all helped. Feel almost human today...

Still waiting to hear from WA...

Holding up chin

BM

Bitsy_Beans

Glad to hear you feeling less like the victim BM :T:T

Keep those baby steps going x

Tamsin_Temrin

Dont get too comfy, hes likely to become more extreme to get a reaction. Have you checked on your documents recently? Would it be easy to replace them if they were shredded?

Still worrying

Mrs_Arcanum

Would check in with WA just to make sure you haven't slipped through the net.

Keep up the good work. You will get there in the end.

Yorkie1

Mrs_Arcanum wrote: »

Would check in with WA just to make sure you haven't slipped through the net.

Keep up the good work. You will get there in the end.

I agree; it's possible they've tried to contact you and not succeeded, or that there's been a hitch. At least you'll feel a bit more control over that aspect if you're a bit better informed.

maryb

Could they have phoned when you weren't there and he said wrong number? I doubt they would have identified themselves so he wouldn't know it's them. But isolating you from people trying to contact you?

Tamsin_Temrin

Getting even more worried

Butterflymind

Dear all

Please don't worry.

oh is being v.pleasant - after I did more gardening, fixed hole in fence, sprayed weed killer on front, stripped both beds, made lunch and washing quilt covers too, & rest of laundry. Tired, not sleeping well again. But he is behaving like ahuman being...

He managed to renew a battery in a clock before pain stopped him doing much else. Sadly found out a near neighbour died of prostate cancer too today...

WA - have checked received calls, on mobile, nothing yet... Starting to feel I am wasting their time, I am blowing things out of proportion, he is being ok anyway, etc... That what I explained happening isn't serious.. Counsellor wants to explore feelings on miscarriages, did get upset, nowhere to visit a grave because none of my babies were carried to term... Still gets to me. Also that I haven't been able to go back to aunt's grave to mourn her privately, altho' others have.

Keep thinking I am over losing all these people (4 of them last year); then go to pieces.

Still things I haven't sorted, like getting e-mail working on here again. Can't get head round it and want to apply on-line for jobs/apps. Managed to screw up 'windows' soft ware, and lost it whilst my brains been out of it, and if I download .pdf's, get gobbley gook on notepad.

Neighbour kindly gave me a heads up to a job with a charity, rang them and they said download application, but for the life of me can't get it to work and be on screen in English....

Trying to boot myself up bum to go library and print out, but, stuck on here feeling I can't do it... Feel mad/frustrated with myself...

It was all going so well....

Managed to get it together yesterday to prove I was looking for work/had a plan. Found out from chap interviewing his wife had started a job at my old place of work! For a second thought I was replaced, but, he said its a 1 year apprenticeship...

Small world....

Rambling now... Going to nag myself to get job app...

BM

Tamsin_Temrin

So hes working you half to death and making sure you dont get a chance to catch your thoughts and hes being nice

Actually, this is 'not as nasty as normal'. Not nice. What has he done to comfort you about your babies? Could you plant a tree in their name, or name a star? Dont mention this to him - he will destroy any thing that gives you some comfort, like your dog.

I believe its called the cycle of abuse - nice, then nasty, then nice, then nasty, then nice, then nasty, etc etc etc. The more he feels sure of you, the shorter the nice part of the cycle. If he feels threatened then he will not only up the 'nice' but be even more unpredictable and dangerous on the nasty. The glimpses of 'not as much of an illegitimate as normal' keep you going because you then think, 'what if he was like this all the time? What if he could get better than this?' He has no incentive to. Are you still locking the bathroom door when you get dressed?

it is that bad - some of the stuff you have described is horrific. Honest. Take it from some one who is not suffering from constant hassle, grief, loss and sleep deprivation.

Ring WA again, keep ringing, look back to the start of the thread and read back. Make notes of the actions you felt significant enough to post on this board and repeat them to WA.

AND TAKE MEDICALLY QUALIFIED ADVICE AND GET OUT OF THERE!!!!! Your GP has worked hard for his qualifications, the least you could do is follow his advice!!! (sort of joking)

btw - was this the sort of behaviour you were hoping for when you came back last time or was it the staring at your privates like you were a piece of meat?