Is this abuse?

Tamsin_Temrin

Still worrying here. Please check in, even if it is just to say, 'still breathing'

green1970

The post from Heatherinthehills is great - there's tons to take in and as your GP has said, you need a break, you need to get away for a while, for the good of your health. Treat it as a test to show you whether he loves you - who wouldn't want their wife to take medical advice and get better - it's the right thing to do.

It would be lovely to get a cottage and be able to take your dog with you. Have a few days of doing nothing but pleasing yourself and recharging those dwindling batteries. It will strengthen you and allow things to become clearer.

Unfortunately, it looks like it's going to take something 'big' to make you actually leave him but please don't wait for that to happen, the warning signs are clear enough. Have that break for a few days to give you the strength you'll need and go for it hun. Keep talking to yourself and motivating yourself to do it - you'll get there in the end.

maryb

I wondered a while back if the thread was just about keeping BM in her comfort zone. Trouble is, I think if we stop now there is a risk that it will reinforce feelings of worthlessness. As if she couldn't expect people to stay around

So I will keep on reading and posting (occasionally).

If you can't bring yourself to say Sod it then you can't, but from my own experience of a (thankfully fairly short) relationship with a boyfriend with what I now recognise were the tendencies Claire16c listed, I would say that if one day you find yourself really asking yourself "What IS this sh 1t?" (in the words of Woody Allen) then it will be OVER. The rest is tidying up and like any unpleasant chore, it's better dealt with sooner rather than later - but you will find a new and liberating indifference to him.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Can't answer you all, but, thank you for still posting.

Unfortunately, what I have posted has happened to me, but when I re-read it seems like a nightmare I am tryig to forget.

Clare16c, thank you, I looked at those web-sites, took test, scored 70, which is noted as high risk... A shock because thought it may be a lot less, because he does't hit me...

Can't post much as OH here 24/7 since his op. Kept logging on and off this morning, now got chance.

Is on about cancelling insurance again, already cancelled charity (sponsor child).

V tired, mostly sleeping badly, sometimes OH. sometimes me thinking and thinking, thoughts going round.

You are right, this thread is comfort/prop/outlet, but also helps me think straight. That Iam not completely crazy,paranoid, depressed, worthless, that others experience similar and got out, and had courage to do so. I feel weary,numb, tired, depressed, barely get up strenght to do things some days.

Sad that some of you have given up on me, close to giving up on myself, so cant blame you. I wish to god none of this was happening, and had a 'normal' relationship. Still feel guilty like it's me, done something wrong, and I can 'fix' it....

Still feel I am a bad person and don't deserve better....

BM

Gigervamp

Butterflymind wrote: »

Unfortunately, what I have posted has happened to me, but when I re-read it seems like a nightmare I am tryig to forget.

How can you forget it if you insist on living it everyday?

Butterflymind

GV

Because it's not every day OH is waking me, or being horrible, when he's 'nice', I seem to automatically go into denial mode, may be to cope from day to day....?

BM

Gigervamp

BM, are you going to do what your doctor ordered and get away for a few days?

Bitsy_Beans

I am not giving up on you BM but I understand the frustration of everyone. However I accept that as much as I would love you to walk out of that door right now you need to be doing it for YOU and not me.
I do feel you are sticking your head in the sand rather than facing it full on but I also accept that some of that is down to exhaustion and depression. The tragic thing is much of what you're feeling is in direct result of living with your H and his behaviour so you would feel better if you faced this and moved on. It's just becomes this viscious circle all the time.

Please keep posting where you can BUT please know this. You are NOT a bad person, you didn't ask for this, you didn't bring it on yourself however only you can end it.

green1970

I don't think anyone's giving up on you, BM. However, you asked for advice 'is this abuse?' and you've been given all the information you could possibly need to be able to decide for yourself 'yes, of course it is' with lots of advice about how to get out. With that all done, I think it must be hard for some people to continue to watch you 'put up with it' and not leave - it's painful to watch someone you care about be abused and that may be why some can't be here any more.

Please leave this worthless relationship now - all the things you are hoping and wishing him to be don't exist hun, he's a monster. I look at my husband after 13 years of knowing him and I adore him, desire him, feel he is my equal and my partner - he's always on my side and vice versa. We are a team and don't feel as though we have to belittle the other in any way. This is what a good relationship is - neither should be doing things to make the other feel worse about themself. It can be so much better, BM, but not with him, he's a weirdo and he's dangerous, nothing to love there at all, nothing.

Give yourself a break, I'll keep telling you this until you listen. Why won't you leave for a few days to get your strength and health back - no-one could object to that. Give yourself some time and effort.

None of this is your fault and nothing could be changed by you doing anything differently. Just go now and stop wasting your precious time with this loser.

Butterflymind

Dear all

Hard to explain, lived like this long time, to cope I guess I learnt to block it out. Now I am typing it here I can't deny it, even the scary stuff. Lots of things are coming back to me in flashback, like re-living things. EG. when pregnant 3rd time, he lay on his back saying he couldn't help me shop. He'd already impressed on me 'we' didnt' need anyone's help. So I did as told, and lost 3rd baby....

That was first time I wanted to die, just to stop the horrific emotional pain/loss...wanted to drive itno brick wall....

BM