Is this abuse?

elona

He is treating you nicely because , in your own words , you are doing more, for him and things like gardening that he has been pushing you to do.

If you had been spending the time relaxing, reading a book or were on the internet - how do you think he would have treated you?

There is a line in "Chicago" were a husband is found in bed with two woman and asks his wife "Who are you going to believe- me or your lying eyes?"

You are giving any "nice" or even "normal" moment several points in his favour and any scary or threatening and controlling moments are hardly counted as 1 point or are brushed aside or glossed over.

It might be safer for you if he thinks he has you cowed and under control like the poor dog but in the long term it is no way to live.

Keep safe over the weekend and please both talk and really listen to WA on Monday.

Tamsin_Temrin

Put a picture of your doggie on the mantel piece. Remember how he deliberately hurt the dog to attack something precious to you?

of course he is nice to you atm, if he was nasty all the time it would be easy to leave. Do you think he loves you? No evidence of it on this thread.

I think the next bit of nasty will include him shoving you so it hurts, 'accidentally' barging into you so it hurts, damage to things you hold dear or, tbh, outright violence and rape. He has already deliberately hurt your dog to get at you.

Has he cancelled the insurances yet?

IT IS THAT BAD!

Have you heard of the boiling frog thingy? If you put a frog into red hot water it jumps out. If you put a frog into cool water and very gradually heat it up the frog becomes accustomed to it, and eventually boils to death.

Fancy going for a walk by yourself today? Tell him (don't ask) that you are going and see how he reacts. Have your phone next to you just in case.

Regardless of everything else, please keep posting - we fear for your physical safety.

Bitsy_Beans

I am glad your OK BM and that you spoke to WA again.

You are NOT making a fuss out of nothing, this was a bloke who a couple of days ago was trying to intimidate you by barging in the bathroom and eyeing your body like you were chattel. Of course he's being nice to you now.....your doing all the things he's been pushing you to do. Working you hard, he can see what you're doing.....not so easy when you are out of the house or on the PC.

The whole idea is to keep you unbalanced, never knowing how he's going to be. If men like him were vile all the time women would leave far quicker but this way its destabilising, makes you second guess yourself, leave you wondering if it's all in your imagination, you're never quite sure.......

Quite frankly I think it's your husband who has betrayed YOU in his treatment of you. If I recall wedding vows are about loving and cherishing not emotional abuse and controlling behaviour.

Ask yourself why you left him the last time? Can you honestly say things are better than then?

jayII

BM, your situation is starting to sound VERY dangerous!

His emotional manipulation of you is reaching new levels all the time, I suspect he is being nice because he knows your redundancy money is coming. He wants to get that money (and he will, I bet he's checking the online banking very regularly, ready to transfer the money, immediately, into an account in his name).

The minute he has that money you will be in huge danger, he will do exactly what he wants to you! He will have no reason not to. How much pent up anger and frustration do you think he's holding onto now, because he feels he needs to be nice to you to keep you there while he waits for the money?

Wellyboots6

Butterflymind wrote: »

I'm ok - please don't worry.

Result is they are asigning me a key worker Monday, so I guess it does mean OH being abusive...

We are like Mr &Mrs normal again. Now thinking I am making a fuss over nothing, it's alright now, he's being nice. Feel like it's all my fault, blowing things out of proportion, it can be like this all the time....

BM, you can let us know you are physically OK and ask people not to worry, but people will worry due to the information you have posted on here regarding your husbands behaviour. People don't worry about people they have never met just for the fun of it! The kind people on here are worrying about you, because someone they have never met has posted some very disturbing information about a situation they are in.

If being assigned a key worker is the sign you need to show your husband is being abusive then you need to focus on that. Look how far you have come from your original question when starting this thread. After goodness knows how many pages you have finally answered your own question

You are LIKE Mr and Mrs Normal. If you actually believed this then you would have said that you ARE Mr and Mrs Normal. You must therefore realise that this is only a temporary feeling and that it is not going to last.

Please be VERY VERY careful when posting on here. Also maybe have a think back to the times you have mentioned making positive steps towards leaving on here, and then how nice he has been afterwards. You need to be sure that he is not seeing what you are posting. It is all becoming too much of a familiar pattern now...

smileyt_2

Sorry BM, I can't help worrying.

I have this dreadful fear that one day I will read the news and it will say 'woman killed in Leicestershire' and then we will find out that it was you.

WA would not be assigning you a key worker if they did not think there was something the matter. They are taking this very seriously and so should you. Next time your husband (and he is a disgrace to the definition of husband!) is sleeping, gather your things and go and don't look back, only have contact with him through a solicitor. The frog metaphor given above is very apt in your case.

Also I agree with other posters - if your husband was nasty all the time then it would be easy to leave. He is playing with you, like a cat plays with a mouse before it kills.

You've taken a major step by contacting WA and it would be great to see you follow that through by leaving and taking your redundancy money with you. You could use it to set up in a little flat on your own, and buy your little dog a lovely bed, a winter coat, take her to training classes or agility classes, and meet lots of other lovely dog owners who all adore their dogs and would be aghast at the idea of anyone ill-treating your little darling dog. Your dog needs you to do this for her sake if not for your own!

Be brave, be strong and please take our advice!

green1970

You've mentioned before that you are mortgage free too so ultimately you have half the value of your house to set you up beautifully. Imagine yourself in your own place, no tip-toeing on eggshells, you can get your shopping as wrong as you like and laugh about it, you can potter about in a beautiful garden with your dog scampering around you, you can turn on every light in the house at 2am and dance around the room if you like, talk to whoever you like, be friends with whoever you like, have friends around for fun times. You need not be accountable to anyone but yourself - you have a chance of a really wonderful life, you have a chance to be truly happy and you owe it to yourself to take that chance. You have one life only, BM, and it's time to start living the life you want.

hbloomers

I came across this article in the Guardian today

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2012/may/13/barbara-ellen-rihanna-abuse

There was one part of the article that stuck out for me:

Abusers are like vampires – once they've tricked you into inviting them in, they never want to leave.

Does that ring true BM? It seems very much to me that your husband is trying to sap the life out of you.

HeatherintheHills

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

I'm ok - please don't worry.

Sorry BM, I personally won't stop worrying until I know you are safe.

Gigervamp

HeatherintheHills wrote: »

Sorry BM, I personally won't stop worrying until I know you are safe.

Same here. And *safe* means away from him.