Is this abuse?

claire16c

AbbieCadabra wrote: »

i've been been in here about 15 times today just hoping for a new post from BM.

very different scenario to this one but i couldn't help thinking of BM's situation when it was on the news earlier that the guy in cornwall who blinded his gf & held her hostage for 15 hours was sentenced to life today, thank god. just makes you realise the awful things some people are capable of, behind closed doors in most instances...

i feel really stupid for saying this, but i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight for worry...

I saw that poor lady on the news and apparently he had been violent to her in the past but she didnt think he'd do it again.

Makes you wonder how many other women are out there thinking the same thing.

BM please dont be one of them.

sassyblue

claire16c wrote: »

I saw that poor lady on the news and apparently he had been violent to her in the past but she didnt think he'd do it again.

Makes you wonder how many other women are out there thinking the same thing.

BM please dont be one of them.

She said before 'he's gone too far this time' which says it all sadly

green1970

Please don't be scared about online banking, BM, it's just as safe in my experience and I have several accounts. It's another step to taking control over a major thing that will help you escape, be independent and start a new exciting life for yourself. Don't relinquish that redundancy money of yours, you've worked hard for it and it will sustain you.

I'm very very worried for you this evening. His behaviour is becoming more and more psychopathic and I no longer think you can rely on your existing knowledge of what he may be capable of. Forget the past and throw it out of the window. Look at the behaviour now and see it with fresh eyes - it's weird, unpredictable, sinister and worsening. Please, please leave BEFORE something terrible happens, it's coming and it seems like most people on here recognise it but you and that's what worries me.

I hope you have already removed all of your documents from the house, if not do that in the morning when he is asleep and then leave - go and stay with a friend that he doesn't know. Contact WA and make sure they know where you are and what has happened, let them help you through this, that's what they do brilliantly.

HeatherintheHills

Please post BM, don't think you have to reply to our posts, we understand that might take to much time when you are being monitored.

Just let us know you are ok please Honey.

Steel_2

Hi BM

Sounds like you OH suspects either your friends or something on the internet are responsible for your recent shows of strength, and he'll be looking to block off both to you now.

I actually suspect he thinks you're seeing another man. Him sneaking up on the house a few weeks ago looking through the windows to see what you were doing, you going out in the evening with your friends, you spending time on the internet. Even him bending down and eying up your bits in the bathroom that time may have been an irrational fear on his part that you had been sleeping with someone else and showering traces of them off you.

In his mind, it probably adds up to you seeing someone else.

Be careful. This is the time when irrationality and paranoia could send him over the edge.

And to echo what others have said, it's time to go now. He's recovered from his operation and is back to his old ways - 50% nice, 50% horrid - to keep you off balance and on edge, never knowing what's coming next so you are fearful of his reactions.

Call time on this now. Say enough is enough. You are young enough to have a wonderful life ahead of you somewhere new.

With no job to tie you down you don't need to stay in the area and can go anywhere you please. If you aunt will take care of your dog for a big longer, you could go on holiday to France or Spain for a couple of weeks to lie in the sun and recover. You don't need to spend a fortune on hotels - you could find a nice, clean family run B&B. Take a stack of books with you and just lie there and let the sun, sand and sea clean the last few years out of you.

Wishing you all the best love and please take very good care of yourself.

xx

Melonade

Just come to check your ok BM. Hope you post soon and let everyone know your fine

smileyt_2

BM, are you OK? Worried that you haven't posted.

ButterflyKisses

Hi BM, I haven't posted on your thread before as I've not been in your situation and you've had so much good advice from everyone else I didn't feel I could add much. I have been following it though and sending you strong thoughts, as I'm sure many others are who aren't posting.

I felt I had to post now just to say I'm genuinely concerned he may have been building up to this point where you finish work. It feels as though his behaviour is escalating rapidly now, but he may have been biding his time while you are still working and leaving the house. Once you are finished and there aren't people who will expect to see you that day, you won't be missed in the same way if he loses control.

Please stay safe. You cannot trust this man.

Butterflymind

Dear all

I'm ok - please don't worry.

Went to leaving do Friday, it was like being in a happy place, despite the sad things that have happened. I blanked out everything else n it was like being with lovely people, who were v kind, even saw staff who left/retired. Other colleagues retirement on same day, so it was embrassing speech n photos for her. Glad they didn't do anything for me, just couldn't have coped. Feared too much emotion - that I would lose it, but focusing on her leaving was a relief. Coped then.

After I spoke to friends, (2 hours), I made contact with WA.

Felt emotionally exhausted and drained, relief to tell someone else. Trailed back home shattered....

After leaving do, phoned WA (who had tried to contact me earlier); did telephone risk assessment in car, in car park. Lost it then. Result is they are asigning me a key worker Monday, so I guess it does mean OH being abusive...

Felt terrible, like I was betraying him in the worst possible way, hated myself.

Been keeeping busy gardening, OH v pleased as he had been pushing me to do it. So, done all chores, shopping, laundry, weeded, doing more today, and he is treating me really nicely, saying well done, etc. Totally exhausted, woke at 4 am...

So used to blocking all unpleasantness, its like I've let out all fears, negatives, to GP, counsellor, friends, a bit to parents, and WA, like I am emptied out.

We are like Mr &Mrs normal again. Now thinking I am making a fuss over nothing, it's alright now, he's being nice. Feel like it's all my fault, blowing things out of proportion, it can be like this all the time....

BM

Sagaris

Of course he's being 'nice' - there was stuff he wanted you to do! But more importantly, you have had contact in a normal environment, with normal people - who might have given you ideas about leaving! So he has to rein you in, by being nice he is confusing you again, and getting you right back to square one - self doubt, loathing, and thinking you are imagining it all.

Can you see a pattern forming now? This will just carry on for as long as you allow it - but you have taken a very improtant step with WA abnd if you are now being given a contact there things shold start to move for you.

Don't be fooled or tricked by him - and please post on here whenever you can, it's nice to know you are ok, and he will be working overtime now to contain you even more - we are all here for moral support and encouragement! However your situation will become more dangerous, he might just get desperate and become violent, you REALLY need to be on your guard now - have you got all your important documents etc somewhere close to hand? Are you ready to leave NOW?