Is this abuse?

Tamsin_Temrin

The most dangerous time for a person subject to domestic abuse and the time they are most likely to suffer extreme violence is when the abuser feels that their victim is slipping from their control.

Slightest hint - leg it! Seriously. Stuff the documents, you can go back with a policeman later to get them.

There are a lot of very sensible people posting here and they are all saying, this is not looking good. Keep your phone on you, charged and ready to dial 999. Good luck.

AbbieCadabra

Gigervamp wrote: »

You need to get out today! Don't go back after your leaving do. Please!

He knows something is up and he's getting dangerous.

i haven't posted as there was little i could add, but PLEASE, i think this has reached a tipping point now (or will do so in the next day or so) - you HAVE to look after yourself NOW!

beyond words of support, we can't do anything for you, please don't just think "one more weekend, then i'll try to do something next week"...

please take care x

Tamsin_Temrin

WA - they are used to people suffering from domestic abuse not being able to talk freely, they will understand

Silent treatment - reframe as not nagging.

Keep leaving things in front of the door. him angry at the things = him angry that you've sussed him and believing your own experience above what he has told you to believe.

Melonade

Gigervamp wrote: »

You need to get out today! Don't go back after your leaving do. Please!

He knows something is up and he's getting dangerous.

I agree 100% with this, just do it!! It must be very difficult for you and I (like others) are worried about you and your situation

Go to your leaving do then straight to your parents. PLEASE!!!!!!!

He obviously isn't right in his thinking and now your going out (twice in 2 days :T) it could get out of hand pretty quickly. You've made some pretty huge steps in the past few days but you need to keep your momentum (sp) going while your on a roll. Please don't go back later, just think "sh*t to it" and go to your parents. Your getting closer to breathing a huge sigh of relief.

In a proper relationship your OH should be asking questions to see if you had a good time and to ask how your friends are doing... because thats what's supposed to happen. Not to quiz you for any other reason with hidden questions, while you give carefully worded answers. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THAT?

Best of luck

Tamsin_Temrin

And once you get out dont take a phone call from him EVER, do not meet him face to face even in a public place unless with a friend and insist all goes through a solicitor. He has trained you to jump through hoops, will do all he can to get you back under the same roof as him, and if you do then it will get worse. But that awful training, those years of criticism and silent treatment, where he has got you to cave in to more and more and more have made it sooooo hard to get away and will make it soooo hard for you to stand up to pleas, tears, promises and threats of suicide in order to get you back under the same roof as him. This is a heads up because you may need to get out fast, and he will start in early to get you back.

sassyblue

Butterflymind wrote: »

Getting to the stage now where I want to tell him to go forth and multiply.

See, look how far you've come, well done BM :A

I hope you find the strength to go very soon, even today - and as others have said get that redundancy money in a SOLE bank account. You can go to the bank and get one opened immediately.

And again, when you've gone get a new phone or ignore his calls, whatever you do DON'T take his calls - you owe him NOTHING and he will try everything he can to get you back.....

Bitsy_Beans

I am echoing the thoughts of everyone else on here. You answering back about him perving at you, leaving stuff in front of the bedroom door, going out......he is seeing that you might not be 100% under his control. I am urging you to leave, TODAY.
Don't leave it too late whereby he locks you in the house or heaven forbid becomes more violent. The very fact that you are now being monitored, having to hide coming on here......it's like a hawk circling its prey

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE LEAVE x

HeatherintheHills

Butterflymind wrote: »

Is a bathroom bolt, never used, (took years to get one - I pointed out guests would expect it), now using it, getting showered & dressed with bolt on. Won't be doing same in bedroom, anything I leave in front of it 'accidently' he kicks angrily away, so goodness only knows how he'd react to that...

BM

OMG, now he is kicking things in anger, how long before it is you?

Gigervamp wrote:

You need to get out today! Don't go back after your leaving do. Please!

He knows something is up and he's getting dangerous.

I share Gigervamp's fears 100%.

Sweetheart, please get out of there, now. Go to the shop now, call WA and tell them things have reached crisis point and you are concerned for your safety.

Seriously BM, he sounds as if he is winding himself up and will be ready for you when you come home from your leaving do. If you can't face WA today ask one of your friends if you can stay with them tonight. Please do not go home tonight.

System

PLEASE,PLEASE, PLEASE, GET OUT OF THERE TONIGHT.

His violence is escating and i'm (along with everyone else here) really scared for you. I don't want you to get hurt.

Please go to your leaving do then stay at your parents or a friends.

AbbieCadabra

i've been been in here about 15 times today just hoping for a new post from BM.

very different scenario to this one but i couldn't help thinking of BM's situation when it was on the news earlier that the guy in cornwall who blinded his gf & held her hostage for 15 hours was sentenced to life today, thank god. just makes you realise the awful things some people are capable of, behind closed doors in most instances...

i feel really stupid for saying this, but i don't think i'm going to be able to sleep tonight for worry...