Is this abuse?

Bitsy_Beans

BM do you use InPrivate browsing? it's a safer way of doing what you need to do on the internet without it storing a history. So for logging on here use inprivate browing (google it, you call it up and go in via there each time you need to use it, i believe).

sassyblue

BM well done! Those were great steps you made. As others say don't hesitate to ring 999 if he gets violent l guess he'd turn on the tears and act the innocent if the bigger boys arrive but don't be fooled.....

nickyhutch

So what did they say? What next?

smileyt_2

Well done, BM. Time to take the next step.

Please be very, very careful. I woke this morning thinking of you and worried for your safety. I'm glad your friends believed what you were saying and wanted you to get out. I think you needed to hear that.

Please let us know what's happening with you.

I was actually going to phone Leicestershire WA today myself, to find out what they could offer, and then I was going to post it up on here. But you have taken that step yourself. Well done, you!

System

So glad you made the first step and called WA and told your friends. Still thinking of you and hoping you might at east think about your friend's advice and go to your parents.

Mrs.W_2

You are never far from my thoughts, BM. Without practical advice to give, I've not posted lately. I've kept up with your posts, and kept hoping you'd post regularly - just to know you are still in a position to post and talk freely.

From the start of your thread you've come a long way, realising a great deal of what has been the norm in your relationship, for a long while, is not at all acceptable in a mutually loving relationship.

Think... Without his needy "be at my beck and call" desires, what would you do with your day?

Wake refreshed from an uniterrupted night's sleep, eat the breakfast you want, wrap yourself in an old coat, step out to walk doglet. Enjoy opportunities to go outside the house as you wish. Make friends. Enjoy their company. ..?

The man you live with wants you to view your life as something that serves him, his needs and nothing else. And as others have said, whatever you do to attempt a happy status quo will be eaten away by his self-centered disopisition. He needs you to comply in the way he views your live with him. And he will continue to bully you into submission. Even if you no longer believe in the words, he'll take you along for the ride because he can.

The why and whatever else there is to his problems are not yours to take to heart. That's hard and almost uncaring to consider, but you need to hold yourself in higher regard. Take care of yourself and your own life - with doglet.

If confronting that man is your stopping point, just walk out with a weekend bag, your important documents, and take the bus to a not too near hotel / B&B. WA can help you go on from that point.

Please think on how good that first morning you control, you, just you, could be...

Butterflymind

Dear all

Getting harder to post - being monitored more, keep flipping from here to a game.

Friends weren't really that surprised, had been trying to contact me, but so down I pushed them all away...

Had told some things in the past about him... One of them said she could see me going downhill. Still here though. OH being nice, then silent treatment, then nice.

Disapproves me going out to see them (silent treatment and questioning before and after). Going to my leaving do today, now I have spoken to them, I hope I won't cry when anyone else asks how I am.

OH grumpy, critical, then silent treatment... Still going...

Waiting for WA to call, stupidly gave my mobile, so, he could be there when they contact...

Bit phobic about on line banking, so waiting for redundancy to put in my account... Getting to the stage now where I want to tell him to go forth and multiply.

Is a bathroom bolt, never used, (took years to get one - I pointed out guests would expect it), now using it, getting showered & dressed with bolt on. Won't be doing same in bedroom, anything I leave in front of it 'accidently' he kicks angrily away, so goodness only knows how he'd react to that...

BM

Gigervamp

You need to get out today! Don't go back after your leaving do. Please!

He knows something is up and he's getting dangerous.

Mrs_Arcanum

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Getting harder to post - being monitored more, keep flipping from here to a game.

Friends weren't really that surprised, had been trying to contact me, but so down I pushed them all away...

Had told some things in the past about him... One of them said she could see me going downhill. Still here though. OH being nice, then silent treatment, then nice.

Disapproves me going out to see them (silent treatment and questioning before and after). Going to my leaving do today, now I have spoken to them, I hope I won't cry when anyone else asks how I am.

OH grumpy, critical, then silent treatment... Still going...

Waiting for WA to call, stupidly gave my mobile, so, he could be there when they contact...

Bit phobic about on line banking, so waiting for redundancy to put in my account... Getting to the stage now where I want to tell him to go forth and multiply.

Is a bathroom bolt, never used, (took years to get one - I pointed out guests would expect it), now using it, getting showered & dressed with bolt on. Won't be doing same in bedroom, anything I leave in front of it 'accidently' he kicks angrily away, so goodness only knows how he'd react to that...

BM

Glad to see you are still with us. Sad to see you are still unable to leave him. Have a good time at your leaving do & then don't go back home afterwards. Things may well get much worse when you have no job to go to.

His violence is really starting to show and YOU HAVE NO WAY OF APPEASING HIM. Whatever you do will make no difference. If you give in he will see this as weakness and attack. If you stand up for yourself he will see this as defiance and attack. He is the WEAK person and does not deserve you.

findingmyownway

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all



Bit phobic about on line banking, so waiting for redundancy to put in my account...

BM

Well done, sounds like you have made good progress but the bit above worries me. Do you mean the money is still going to your joint account? If so then please change it! He could easily get to the bank before you and transfer it out. Go to the bank today on your way to leaving do, or telephone them, or speak to the people at work who are going to be sending the money.