Is this abuse?

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you again for all your support/advice.

Doglet is being looked after safely; OH is still convinced something dire is wrong with him, despite GP reassurance he is healing fine.

Is saying he will resign his job, despite me being made redundant... Turned off all heat and light now as it's effecting his head aches. Not got around to all power being switched off yet!

Dark & cold... Still following DGM & pray she keeps strong and keeps away from her ex... Know myself how incredibly hard it is to find courage to leave....

Still trying to convince myself things are better now..

BM

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

Doglet is being looked after safely; OH is still convinced something dire is wrong with him, despite GP reassurance he is healing fine.

Is saying he will resign his job, despite me being made redundant... Turned off all heat and light now as it's effecting his head aches. Not got around to all power being switched off yet!

If he has to, let him turn off the lights and heating in the room he is in - why must you also be in the dark and cold?

Still trying to convince myself things are better now..

Why? He's doing what everyone said - he can feel his power over you slipping so he is trying to make you believe he's really ill so you can't leave.

He's increasing the pressure and you're accepting his control.

daska

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you again for all your support/advice.

Doglet is being looked after safely; OH is still convinced something dire is wrong with him, despite GP reassurance he is healing fine.

Is saying he will resign his job, despite me being made redundant... Turned off all heat and light now as it's effecting his head aches. Not got around to all power being switched off yet!

Dark & cold... Still following DGM & pray she keeps strong and keeps away from her ex... Know myself how incredibly hard it is to find courage to leave....

Still trying to convince myself things are better now..

BM

That's not fair on you, he can turn off the radiator and the lights and shut the curtains and sit in a cold dark room if he wants but there's no need to switch everything off using the lighting ring etc. I struggle enormously with getting overheated but I still keep the heating on minimum for other people's comfort. I think this is still a control thing. Perhaps you should pander to him and agree that he's obviously desperately ill and you should drive him to A&E rather than wait for an ambulance...?

Actually, try suggesting that as he's so ill he might want to tell you exactly what he'd like at his funeral, guest list, music etc. Be serious, make him think he's got you fooled.

sassyblue

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you again for all your support/advice.

Doglet is being looked after safely; OH is still convinced something dire is wrong with him, despite GP reassurance he is healing fine.

Is saying he will resign his job, despite me being made redundant... Turned off all heat and light now as it's effecting his head aches. Not got around to all power being switched off yet!

Dark & cold... Still following DGM & pray she keeps strong and keeps away from her ex... Know myself how incredibly hard it is to find courage to leave....

Still trying to convince myself things are better now..

BM

Your husband has shades of narcissism too, he's making himself a victim to keep control over you. He's probably like that character in Little Britain that jumps out of his wheelchair when no-one's looking.

It seems when your dog went to your aunts (?) that you lost the impetus to leave that you had....

At least you're trying to convince yourself living in the cold and dark is somehow 'better' - you wouldn't need to convince yourself if it were true. It isn't true BM, my sister went through the same as you and let me tell you her words to her horrible abusing husband, 'once l left l realised how easy it was to leave you'

BM l wish l could come round and scoop you up leave him now while he is supposedly 'weak' - that will be a better lessonto him. I think if you could do that to him while he's 'ill' he'd accept it more than when he's healthy and agile and can pester you.

You are stronger than you think BM xxxxx

ETA: I've asked DGM one her thread if shehas any words of wisdom for you, hope that's okay. I just wonder if you heard something from her it would strike a chord with you?

Corelli

ButterflyMind,

I've read and not posted, which doesn't feel good. This is so wrong, this situation you are in. Is there anyone in real life you can turn to who will help you find your strength again? Or is there anything you can do to remember times when you have been strong and try and get in contact with those feelings again?

It feelts to me like the longer you stay where you are the more your strength is seeping away. You got the dog out of danger, now its time to look after yourself.

Edit: Rather, not seeping away but being stolen from you.

(((( hug))))

Caroline_a

OP, your little dog was giving you all the strength you needed to escape from this monster, and now she's gone and you are losing your strength piece by piece.

Let me put this to you. I don't know how old you are, but what if there were children in this relationship? How would your OH's behaviour impact on them? Would you want your daughter to be treated like your dog was? Or your son to have to sit in the cold and dark just because Daddy said so?

Start planning NOW for a life with your little dog and you, you don't need this idiot who is playing on your every emotion to get what he wants. Let him resign, move away from him, find a flat for yourself and let him stew. There are a lot worse things out there than being 'single', and your co-habiting life seems like total hell to me. You mentioned DGM - if she can do it, I'm sure you can!!

DarknessGetsMe

I see traits of when I was at home, the bullying the worthlessness (if its spelt like that!)

For me, It snapped in my head that I shouldnt be cut or branded or used as a sex toy for someones pleasure.

If you are unhappy you need to get some stuff together and walk. The amount of freedom it brings you. The happiness and relief you get.

Once youve had the dominating force go, YOU will become alot happier. I'm down a bit but thats for other things. If you go. Regardless of what he says, it will get better for you when you can have a light/heater on!

DarknessGetsMe

It's little things. Like today. I fancied a starbucks. My ex would lock me in the house. My son is at the daycare centre so he can make friends I decided I wanted to go starbucks so off I went.

Infact, I got one of their coffee card things, Just because I could. I also had whipped cream on my mocha. Again, Just because I could (My waistline will hate it though!)

lessonlearned

Butterflymind wrote: »

Still trying to convince myself things are better now..

BM

But they are not and never will be. Make your move, go now - whilst you still can.

He's keeping you in the cold and dark, what next - beating and starving you into submission???

Those alarm bells are deafening............

lessonlearned

DarknessGetsMe wrote: »

It's little things. Like today. I fancied a starbucks. My ex would lock me in the house. My son is at the daycare centre so he can make friends I decided I wanted to go starbucks so off I went.

Infact, I got one of their coffee card things, Just because I could. I also had whipped cream on my mocha. Again, Just because I could (My waistline will hate it though!)

That's fantastic - good for you.