Is this abuse?

Butterflymind

Dear all

Just a quick update. Please don't worry, dog is being taken care of, and OH is being so nice to me. Packed his stuff for his op. Still driving myself mad about stay or go, but still have my papers here...

Re-read thread, can't believe what's been happening to me, like it's unreal. He's being so nice, I feel like the worst human being in the world for thinking of going....

BM

Melonade

I'm glad you've re-read your thread.

The title to this thread is "is this abuse"? YES IT IS!!! What advice would you want to give someone else who'd posted these exact circumstances?

I know you already know the answers to these questions but don't let stuff cloud your judgement. People with experience have told you that the mr nice guy routine is all part of the bullying/abuse to try and gain control of you again. Be as worried about yourself as you are for your dog, please!!

Sagaris

He's being nice because he suspects what is going on and wants to keep you there, then will revert to type. Or he wants a nursemaid when he comes out of hospital - and then will revert to type.

You have no choice - go and go as soon as you can. You owe him nothing, you have done the right thing for your dog - so you are next to be taken care of! You deserve so much more than this bully, I was in your shoes a few years back, and yes, you can be happy again, happier even!

Wishing you luck and keep posting so we know you are safe.

Gigervamp

Sagaris wrote: »

He's being nice because he suspects what is going on and wants to keep you there, then will revert to type. Or he wants a nursemaid when he comes out of hospital - and then will revert to type.

You have no choice - go and go as soon as you can. You owe him nothing, you have done the right thing for your dog - so you are next to be taken care of! You deserve so much more than this bully, I was in your shoes a few years back, and yes, you can be happy again, happier even!

Wishing you luck and keep posting so we know you are safe.

I'd just like to add, his family can take care of him when he comes out of hospital.

x

RacyRed

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Just a quick update. Please don't worry, dog is being taken care of, and OH is being so nice to me. Packed his stuff for his op. Still driving myself mad about stay or go, but still have my papers here...

Re-read thread, can't believe what's been happening to me, like it's unreal. He's being so nice, I feel like the worst human being in the world for thinking of going....

BM

He is manipulating you. He wants you to feel like the worst human being in the world. Once he is recovered how long do you think it will it be before he turns on you again?

diggle

Dear BM,
Glad you are okay ,is your little dog now at your aunt 's?
Please take on board comments from other posters .
Try to think of youself as an observer of your situation. Looking in on it what would your advice be?
As I mentioned previously a big part of him being nice is due to the fact he needs you whilst he is recuperating ,how long do think "Mr Niceguy" will be around for ? And given you know him so well what will his reaction be say if you go out to the shops and are there a while longer than expected ,whilst he is at home and housebound ?
You have more of your life ahead of you ,is this really how you want it to be?
as always,
Take care.

Mojisola

diggle wrote: »

Try to think of youself as an observer of your situation. Looking in on it what would your advice be?

And think whether you would behave this way towards someone you love?

thehappybutterfly

Glad to see you back on BM. It's understandable how you're feeling just now with him being so nice to you but please be wary. I echo the comments from other posters about not falling for it. See how you feel once he's in hospital and you've got the house to yourself, no pressure, no tiptoeing around, no walking on eggshells - you might feel braver! How long is he in for?

faerie~spangles

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Just a quick update. Please don't worry, dog is being taken care of, and OH is being so nice to me. Packed his stuff for his op. Still driving myself mad about stay or go, but still have my papers here...

Re-read thread, can't believe what's been happening to me, like it's unreal. He's being so nice, I feel like the worst human being in the world for thinking of going....

BM

Being nice is one of his manipulation methods.

It puts you off guard,

you start to question yourself,

he turns nasty again and blames you.

You end up feeling worthless and confused,

he has you were he wants you.

So the cycle begins again.

whitewing

Haven't read the whole thread, but bloody hell, you have to text him to tell him why you've moved a vase..

Trust your instincts, girl. Good luck.