Is this abuse?

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you for the positive support.

I wanted to discuss it today - the ultimation. Literally can't speak - throat really sore... Weird.

He is being really nice, but, keeps fretting about the side effects from op. So far, he thinks it's not healing right, feels sick, sleepy, doesn't think they've operated on him correctly, upset stomach, you name it. Been very calm instead of usual worrying to death about it. Read after care pack and these are all normal side effects.

Getting to me though now, that he is insisting things aren't right, and that I don't care (i.e. I am not twisting myself into stress/panic mode as usual). Just calmly told him its all there in the care pack. Like he doesn't like it if I am not stressed out over him.

Parents came round and told them. Dad incredulous that he's fretting so much, as it's been less than 4 days... Sigh.

Now I can't speak above a whisper after trying to reassure him on everything....

I will do this!

Tired out

BM

TeaForOne

Hello. I've been keeping up with your thread and I just want to send you some warm thoughts and encouragement. It is completely terrifying, broaching a subject like this when you don't know how it will go. From personal experience (different situation completely) I felt exhausted, afraid and strangely dizzy, as though I was teetering on a real precipice rather than a virtual one. I am unsurprised you can't speak.

Hang in there - you are a strong woman and you deserve some peace.

sassyblue

Hoping you're ok BM xxx

Butterflymind

Dear all

Hard to post - I am ok. Talked to parents about this...

Counsellor - said wait until I am stronger... Try to update again..

BM

thorsoak

Hang on in there, BM - and might I suggest that you read the other thread on abuse by Darknessgetsme ...you have similar stories and could gain strength from each other x

Dont stay too long though .....

Butterflymind

Dear all

Sorry haven't posted much...

Hard to find the privacy - I have been following DGM as and when I can.

Cannot believe how courageous she has been, for herself and little boy. A real inspiration.. Oops lights went out, OH turns off the lights circuit at night...

Have to type quickly, still not discussed anything, but managed to talk to my parents about what's going on at last. Mum keeps checking in, bless her, on phone and visits too.

Feeling better to talk to people and get it off my chest. OH is being so nice, it's like all that's happened is a bad dream, and I know I usually blank out all the bad parts, cling on to when he's nice like this.

Trying to convince myself that this time it will last...

BM

daska

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Sorry haven't posted much...

Hard to find the privacy - I have been following DGM as and when I can.

Cannot believe how courageous she has been, for herself and little boy. A real inspiration.. Oops lights went out, OH turns off the lights circuit at night...

Have to type quickly, still not discussed anything, but managed to talk to my parents about what's going on at last. Mum keeps checking in, bless her, on phone and visits too.

Feeling better to talk to people and get it off my chest. OH is being so nice, it's like all that's happened is a bad dream, and I know I usually blank out all the bad parts, cling on to when he's nice like this.

Trying to convince myself that this time it will last...

BM

He switches off the lighting circuit so that you have to live in the dark, it's a controlling thing, it's telling you that he is in charge, no matter how nice he's being, you have to do what he says.

Try switching it back on and see how long he stays being nice, my bet would be that after the fall out you'd struggle to convince yourself.

Personally I think your counsellor is wrong. I think you'd get stronger, faster if you got out asap.

Are you managing to get your paperwork together?

Love and Hugs.

Gigervamp

Why does he turn off the lights circuit at night? I'm guessing he says it's to save electricity. Or that there will be less chance of a fire. Both rubbish.

I'm glad that you've posted again though. We do worry about you, so please keep in touch whenever you can.

faerie~spangles

He's switching the lights off to remind you that he's in control. (pathetic little man)

How is your little dog?

Mojisola

faerie~spangles wrote: »

He's switching the lights off to remind you that he's in control. (pathetic little man)

I know someone like this who used to lock the garage and shed whenever he left the house. His wife had to borrow gardening tools from the neighbours if she wanted to do anything while he was out.

If there were any toys on the floor or the house was untidy when he came home from work, he would turn on his heel and walk out, go and eat at a restaurant and not come home til late to punish her for being a "bad housewife and mother". Another pathetic little man!