Is this abuse?

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you again for your support/advice...

He is in hospital, and it is so peaceful at home, wish he would stay in there a week, but coming out later today.

I am really appreciating the break, the peace and quiet, no one ranting...

I know you all think it's crazy, but, I am going to talk to him when he's home and give the ultimation. Either he gets professional help, admits he's too bullying, or I am leaving.

Scary though the thought of going is, as I have no job, haven't arranged anywhere to go, etc. I just can't take any more.

It's going to be really hard, I am sure I will get the denial, the waterworks, suicide threats, etc. Full on emotional blackmail & telling me that I have the problem. But I feel better about myself confronting this head on, being direct and honest how it all makes me feel. I have my anti-depressants, support from you all here, back-up from GP and counsellor, and phone numbers of WA, etc. if things go pear-shaped.

And will finally tell family I need to go if this last-ditch attempt doesn't work... Didn't want them worrying about me after everything they've gone through in the last year. Guess there must be some feelings left, slim hope that we can work it out, clutching onto the final straw...

Know it's not going to be easy, whatever happens, I will finally face it. Thinking that not having a job will make it easier, as I can make a complete contact break if needed, because he won't know where I work when I (hopefully) get another job.

Gritting my teeth and girding my loins... Wish me luck!

May not be able to post if things blow up, as pc. is here. Will let you know how it went though, somehow.

Feeling braver,

BM:)

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

!
May not be able to post if things blow up, as pc. is here. Will let you know how it went though, somehow.

We'll all be worried about you until we hear you're safe.

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Steel_2

Butterflymind wrote: »

Dear all

Thank you again for your support/advice...

He is in hospital, and it is so peaceful at home, wish he would stay in there a week, but coming out later today.

I am really appreciating the break, the peace and quiet, no one ranting...It's lush isn't it? And it could be like this for you all the time


I know you all think it's crazy, but, I am going to talk to him when he's home and give the ultimation. Either he gets professional help, admits he's too bullying, or I am leaving. Yes! Don't rely on any promises without action though. He could promise many things that never materialise or could string it out until he is well or make a start and then fall back slowly so you're in the same place a year later.

Scary though the thought of going is, as I have no job, haven't arranged anywhere to go, etc. I just can't take any more.

It's going to be really hard, I am sure I will get the denial, the waterworks, suicide threats, etc. Full on emotional blackmail & telling me that I have the problem. I'm sure he will too. Or he may stonewall you and the subject completely until 'he's better'. But I feel better about myself confronting this head on, being direct and honest how it all makes me feel. I have my anti-depressants, support from you all here, back-up from GP and counsellor, and phone numbers of WA, etc. if things go pear-shaped.

And will finally tell family I need to go if this last-ditch attempt doesn't work... Yes, yes, yes. Tell everyone. He's been isolating you from people and putting on a different face outside the home. You may find he's been odd with other people too and they agree with you. Didn't want them worrying about me after everything they've gone through in the last year. Guess there must be some feelings left, slim hope that we can work it out, clutching onto the final straw...

Know it's not going to be easy, whatever happens, I will finally face it. Thinking that not having a job will make it easier, as I can make a complete contact break if needed, because he won't know where I work when I (hopefully) get another job. Very true. You can start again anywhere, hopefully far, far away from him. The world is your and your doggies' oyster...

Gritting my teeth and girding my loins... Wish me luck!
Good luck!!

May not be able to post if things blow up, as pc. is here. Will let you know how it went though, somehow. Libraries have internet access. No idea if you could blag it for free being out of work...

Feeling braver,
You are very brave...stay strong. Thinking of you.
xxSteelxx

BM:)

So pleased to see you're taking action...I've put my comments above

Melonade

Oh BM

Stick to your guns though and like Steel says, don't take no sh*t!! He's got to actually get help and not just agree and drag it out.

Your very brave and I hope this works out for you, I really mean that. But please make a promise to yourself that if it doesn't then you gave him one last chance, he blew it and you need to think 100% about!!

Will you manage to get your paperwork out the house while he's in hospital? (not sure if you've done it and I missed that bit)

Best of luck

sassyblue

Butterflymind wrote: »

I know you all think it's crazy, but, I am going to talk to him when he's home and give the ultimation. Either he gets professional help, admits he's too bullying, or I am leaving.

Forgive me for this as my dad is in hospital seriously ill as of yesterday and this may cloud my judgement but you are crazy BM, it's just another chance you are giving him.

He won't change and in your heart of hearts you know it too.

Life is out there waiting and could be cut short at any time, don't waste another day on him, get your stuff and your dog and start again.

pinksk8

I have been following this thread, hoping that you would reach this point! Keep in your mind how blissful his hospital stay has been, EVERYDAY COULD BE LIKE THIS!

Best Wishes x

neneromanova

Just a thought as I couldn't stay out of this any longer. Why don't you ring your mum and see what she has to say about all of this? Then atleast he's not in the house to hear that you've spoken to someone and they know what's going on.

To be honest I really think you're best cutting your losses and choosing the dog over him. He has shown that he can't change for you as he tried the councelling years ago didn't he. What's to say that it's any different now and that he won't turn around in say 2-3 years time and you're back to square 1 again. let his mum look after him while you go find somewhere else to go. Can you not stay at your mums?

Maybe I've watched too many soaps/films/TV shows but I think this is all going to end in more than tears. It'll probably end in someone being in hospital and that someone being you. He has lost grip of you now so will need to get you back under his thumb again somehow...what's the easiest way to do that? Beat you into submission. He's already said he would do that to the dog. What makes you think that he wouldn't do that to you?

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you so much for your kindness (still can't get the blessed thanks button to work). Guess I still feel something for him, feel like the honourable thing to do is talk openly about how I feel, give him a choice/chance.

Sorry haven't posted, OH is back and full time job at the moment, looking after him, house, etc. Also, he was getting into habit of suddenly bursting in whilst I was on the p.c., he can't move fast now...

Finally wanted to sit down today and give the ultimation, but, (gah!) couldn't get the words out...

He is being very loving, telling me how much he loves me, etc. but I can't respond in kind. Don't know how to approach it at all. Guess there is a part of me dreading this.

Will try later today to find the words...



BM

sassyblue

Good luck BM, as you said before - be prepared for the tears and don't let them sway you, you want ACTION not words....

Steel_2

Good luck!

I remember that feeling well when i was trying to break off with someone. I couldn't get the words out of my throat to respond to them when they said all lovey dovey things to me, and I think by the time I did the deed they were already aware something wasn't right.

In fact, at one point I remember their words and kisses leaving me with a weird cold feeling washing over me, then I'd have a go at myself for being horrid to them and feel guilty that I didn't love them anymore and that I should.

But I remember the relief when it was over and I felt freedom. Until they rang a few days later and I had to do it all over again because they thought I had a touch of PMT and wasn't serious...;)