Is this abuse?

Mojisola

Butterflymind wrote: »

OH seems to sense something, keeps coming home earlier and earlier, splitting his lunch break into two parts. Never know when he's going to pole up.

OH is being so nice, brought home a garden ornament, fussing dog, hasn't been horrible to her at all. Even been pleasant to me, hasn't criticised, gone on about past things I can't remember, or anything like that. I feel incredibily guilty for getting stuff together in case I go.

Can't you see that this is a typical Jekyll and Hyde stance? He's being "nice" to you but keeping you on edge by turning up at all hours to check up on you.

Gigervamp

Be very, very careful. With you standing up for your dog the other day, he's realised that he's lost a little control over you, that's why he's coming home early, at lunch times etc. He's checking up on you and by turning up when you're not expecting it, he's hoping to catch you out at something.

Now you know he's watching you, you really need to cover up your tracks, get rid of internet history etc.

diggle

Dear BM,
So pleased to hear you are making plans.
Mums are always the best port of call in any circumstances.
Only thought about your neighbour having the dog is is she capable of keeping your o/h away if needs be,believe me his best way of getting to you emotionally is through the dog and i think he knows that already.
With regard to changing locks etcc think if you did decide to go you need to be somewhere removed from any contact with him and his family [if they are as aggressive and abusive as you have stated do not take the risk.
Look he is being nice to you because who else is going to take care of him whilst he is recuperating??
Obviously i cannot say for certain if this is true but read through some of your past posts ....i think you may well be getting suckered in again.
Its okay to have the feelings you are having but if you compile a a list ,even in your mind if you dare not write it down i'm willing to guess the bad will outweigh the good times,sorry if its seems harsh but it annoys the hell out of me that you are with someone who comes across as totally manipulative.
still pm me if i can be of use regards dog ,no probs.
Take care .

Butterflymind

Dear all

Thank you again for your kind thoughts/advice.

GV and M, it did cross my mind, he's taken to parking his work vehicle down the street so I don't hear it, and creeping into the house, peering through back door to see if I'm on p.c. Kinda creepy.

He did this just as I was signing off earlier. But, my 4 legged alarm system heard him before I did, so, I took the early signal from her...

He said he's just checking the dog isn't on the bed...?

Also said there's not much work on, so he can appear anytime. Lucky I had papers stashed already after he'd been for the second time yesterday (he can only take one long, or two short breaks, and I know his finish time).

I feel slightly ridiculous/daring/guilty all at the same time... Am going to ring aunt and ask if she wouldn't mind a furry lodger whilst OH due to go hospital, so I know she's well looked after. Not sure whether to tell OH where she is, or make an excuse up. Suggestions welcome, as my brain cells are struggling now, feeling exhausted again.

Can't get rid of this edgy feeling of constantly wanting to look over my shoulder.

Going to ring Aunt now, fingers crossed.

BM

diggle

Bm,
regarding dog going to your relatives ,just say you thought it would help whilst he is recuperating at home so its just the two of you to manage and you won't have to leave to walk the dog 3 times a day[although i guess you would prefer to walk your dog..]
Do you not think it is unusual for him to park his vehcile at the end of the road or is there a logical reason for this .i.e vehcile to big to turn in tight space ?
Also might be a good idea to let him catch you on the internet or computer sometimes so as not to arouse suspicion[sp?] of course not on MSE just random stuff,say regarding his op and aftercare then he will think you are genuinely concerned ,albeit you probably are anyway.its called double bluff and it can work sometimes....well it worked for me with the kids..
why is he so bothered about the dog on the bed?
Is it something you both agreed about that the dog will not go on the bed either? if so make sure dog is fully aware this is not allowed because if you allow it say whilst he is out and then the dog does it whilst he is in ,the dog will be in trouble for no fault of her own.
by the way what type of dog is she ?,just curious does'nt make any diffrence to my offer should you ever require it,just soppy dog lover .
Take care .

Steel_2

That dog is worth its weight in gold! Early warning system - priceless!

Oh he definitely knows something is up.

You're not responding the way he's trained you to behave and it's confusing him. He's trying to find out what is responsible for this sudden change. Maybe he thinks you've met someone else and have them in the house or something? Either way, he's wondering if the gig is up.

Don't fall for the alternating sweet and nasty routine. This is what keeps you treading on eggshells for years and is turning you into a frightened woman. Just keep thinking about being in a place, your own peaceful place with fluffy four-paws, where you don't have to worry about anything any more.

No matter how nice he can be, it doesn't make up for all the times when he's been nasty. Just because his brain works in that way doesn't mean you have to think like that too. It's not normal behaviour for someone to be nasty , then sweet, then nasty, then sweet, ad infinitum, and the sooner you can get back into the world and socialise with other people you'll see how abnormal this is.

Keep strong.

Valli

Butterflymind wrote: »

GV and M, it did cross my mind, he's taken to parking his work vehicle down the street so I don't hear it, and creeping into the house, peering through back door to see if I'm on p.c. Kinda creepy.

He did this just as I was signing off earlier. But, my 4 legged alarm system heard him before I did, so, I took the early signal from her...

He said he's just checking the dog isn't on the bed...?

Also said there's not much work on, so he can appear anytime. Lucky I had papers stashed already after he'd been for the second time yesterday (he can only take one long, or two short breaks, and I know his finish time).

I feel slightly ridiculous/daring/guilty all at the same time... Am going to ring aunt and ask if she wouldn't mind a furry lodger whilst OH due to go hospital, so I know she's well looked after. Not sure whether to tell OH where she is, or make an excuse up. Suggestions welcome, as my brain cells are struggling now, feeling exhausted again.

Can't get rid of this edgy feeling of constantly wanting to look over my shoulder.

Going to ring Aunt now, fingers crossed.

BM

:eek::eek::eek::eek:
warning bells sweetie!

Mely

Even to read what you are going through op, is extremely distressing. You need to get his stuff in storage or ideally move away whilst he is in hospital having his op its a God given opportunity - go for it! x

faerie~spangles

Butterflymind, You are a strong woman and you will get through this.

Your 4 legged alarm system is much more than that s/he's your wake up call.

I was in a similar position to you. So much so that even when I marked things on the calendar and kept a diary I believed he was right and I was a nutter.
It took years for me to realise that I was being ground down and isolated. I thought it was a sign that he loved me! :eek:

Now repeat after me:
I am a strong woman and I will get through this.
I am a strong woman and I will get through this.
I am a strong woman and I will get through this.
I am a strong woman and I will get through this.
I am a strong woman and I will get through this.

Wellyboots6

BM,

I am quite nervous now reading your recent posts. I suggest when you get chance you get that paperwork out of the house ASAP. Not only so that you have access to it later on, but also so he doesn't find a bag full of important documents that looks like its been hidden.

Things could change very quickly if he thinks you are starting to make plans.

Please be so careful.

Unfortunately, as others have said, it sounds like he has twigged something is up. His behaviour is changing and becoming more unpredictable. I think you may have to make your decision sooner rather than later.

Please re-read your posts. You refer to your dog as your 'alarm system'. In a healthy marriage you should not need an 'alarm' to warn you of your OH coming home.

Your posts really are starting to make for very uneasy reading.