Is this abuse?

Gigervamp

suze200 wrote: »

BM I think it is unwise to talk to him again. It will let him know he is losing control and he won't allow that to happen. Just get out. He is not going to change. He will stop you leaving however he can (yes I do mean ANY WAY) if he gets the idea you really will do it. Believe me please I KNOW!!

I completely agree with what Suze says.

Melonade

Gigervamp wrote: »

I completely agree with what Suze says.

So do I. Not because I've been in the position myself but because of the threads I've read mainly on this forum.

People with experience are giving you sound advice. Maybe you can't see it just now but due to past happenings do you really deep down think you can fix this? Your energies would best go towards a new start/life for you. You might think getting the dog somewere safe is not an option but I think you are wrong. Like I said befor, she is relying on you for help

pondskater_2

I am so sorry you find yourself in this position and hope you find the strength to do what is right for yourself but even if you will not protect yourself from this man, for goodness sake protect that poor wee dog.
His cruelty to her is escalating and what will happen if/when she reacts to protect herself against him - I can't bear to think about what he may do to her/him. Do the right thing (please )

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Stop making excuses.

Did try and say it nicely before, but the most likely outcome for your dog is death. Whether it's by him killing her with his own 2 hands or by taking her to a vet and claiming she attacked him.


Especially if you dare to tell him he has to get help, when he is perfect in all ways.


For God's sake, just get out.

nickyhutch

I know a girl who, 3 years ago, was in the exact same position as you. He's just come out of prison for beating her up and STABBING HER DOG TO DEATH IN FRONT OF HER.

The daft cow has gone back to live with him, and taken her daughter too.

Get out, for God's sake.

Valli

nickyhutch wrote: »

I know a girl who, 3 years ago, was in the exact same position as you. He's just come out of prison for beating her up and STABBING HER DOG TO DEATH IN FRONT OF HER.

The daft cow has gone back to live with him, and taken her daughter too.

Get out, for God's sake.

I hope someone has alerted social services and that this child (if she is indeed young) is on the at risk register.

easilydistracted

BM, I would reiterate the advice to please not confront him. I work in a field which means some of my work is with women who are a victims of domestic abuse and one of the high indicators on our risk assessment is when women are secretly planning to leave. The men get this, they get their control isn't working anymore and this is where catastropic things can happen. I know a bit off what your facing as I've been around DV (thankfully a long time ago) but I would really suggest you take all this advice on board.

diggle

Dear butterflymind I have read through all the posts and feel for you and your situation but your dog has no voice and no choice and will sadly be the first casualty victim caught up in this ,please consider allowing the dog to be fostered ( using the excuse to your partner that it is only till he recovers from his op,so you can give him your full attention hmm,I notice you are in Leicestershire and I would be quite willing to foster your dog for you as I am an approved fosterer for several rescues ,based in another shire not far away, just like to add the the dog would be with my other dogs who are all vacs and neutered and are allowed on the furniture and have cuddles and walked at least 3 times a day ,please pm me if I can help ,in truth my main concern is for you dog as you have to make adult choices and decisions.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Take care ,try to think for yourself , I promise your dog will be well looked after .

easilydistracted

diggle wrote: »

Dear butterflymind I have read through all the posts and feel for you and your situation but your dog has no voice and no choice and will sadly be the first casualty victim caught up in this ,please consider allowing the dog to be fostered ( using the excuse to your partner that it is only till he recovers from his op,so you can give him your full attention hmm,I notice you are in Leicestershire and I would be quite willing to foster your dog for you as I am an approved fosterer for several rescues ,based in another shire not far away, just like to add the the dog would be with my other dogs who are all vacs and neutered and are allowed on the furniture and have cuddles and walked at least 3 times a day ,please pm me if I can help ,in truth my main concern is for you dog as you have to make adult choices and decisions.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Take care ,try to think for yourself , I promise your dog will be well looked after .

This is such a kind offer, I was really hoping there was someone on the boards who could offer this. BM please take this up

Steel_2

You're doing really well Butterfly.

You're spot on about the dog making you feel emotionally alive. To protect yourself you shut down and go numb, but every now and then something will stir it up. I've found I still can't watch emotional films with hubby because they trigger too much emotion in me that I can't suppress in front of him. Sounds stupid but I still control how much emotion I show because I worry it would be like a dam breaking after decades of bottling it all up. One day I'll be completely healthy, and I practice every day letting little bits out. Mostly happiness, joy and pleasure as they are the feelings I've lost (had taken from me) the most over the years and made to feel guilty for having.

I let the anger out in controlled bursts when I'm alone, which has changed from simple anger at the situation when I realised a few years ago to a deep white rage now for the years I've had taken from me by my father. I do it away from my husband because it's not his fault and I don't want to hurt him by the sheer overpowering force of it. I think he would be deeply shocked. I'm also working on using a different more constructive way of letting out the normal every day anger about stuff. I was never taught how to do that as a child so I have to learn it. I think you may go through something similar in time.

I suspect if you give him an ultimatum he will twist it back onto you, that there's nothing wrong with him and that it's all you. In fact, you may find he even turns himself into a saint for putting up with everything he has to and starts appealing to other people to talk 'sense' into you or telling you that 'so and so' thinks there's something wrong with you too, blah, blah, blah.

I suspect the encounter will leave you feeling bruised and confused again. I also think if he can't get you to feel guilty and sorry for ever bringing it up he may well become nasty to force you to.

To be honest, I'd be looking at using the time usefully while he's having an op. Getting your paperwork together, opening financial accounts that you need to and sorting out where your dog can go if she has to at short notice. I would get the dog out first before you mention anything to him and then get yourself out, but whatever you do don't leave her behind or try and take her with you at the same time as when (if) you leave. He may focus his attention on the dog to make you stay and punish the dog to punish you.

Keep strong.