Family Issue causing upset

FamilyFeuds

thorsoak wrote: »

Just let it go. Your BIL and SIL don't "have" to like you - and they obviously don't - for whatever reason.

But your OH is still brother to your BIL - and that relationship should remain strong. Just accept the fact and try and ignore it, and concentrate on other friends and family.

Life is far too short to get het up about who is and who isn't friends on facebook!

No my husband is very upset by their behaviour (not just facebook) and is questioning this.

bright_side

I think if it's such an issue for you, then YOU should speak to THEM about it. You may not like what you hear, or they may not even be up for discussing it, in which case you really will have to let it go for now. If they are being outwardly spiteful to you, then your husband should step in. Otherwise you will just have to accept that they want a relationship with just him for now. It won't necessarily always be that way. If I were your husband I would take my son round to see them, I'm sure they wouldn't turn him away and it may be a way of starting to build bridges.

mountainofdebt

FamilyFeuds wrote: »

No my husband is very upset by their behaviour (not just facebook) and is questioning this.

Well in that case your husband needs to man up and ask his brother outright what the problem is.

The other thing to remember is that although you want a closer relationship, it maybe that they don't and that maybe for a variety of reasons, least of all becuase of their fertility problems and the fact that (despite your own problems) you are already a mum and now expecting a second child.....I know my relationship with my sister hasn't been the same since and incident 10 years ago and tbh spending any time with her since is more out of duty than pleasure.

clairec79

Although the OP has said she doesn't post huge details on facebook about her pregnancy, could it be the profile pic? do you have a scan photo or a pic of yourself in which you are obviously pregnant? as if so everytime you post 'hooray, sun, maybe winters finally over', 'dropped tomato sauce on the kitchen floor and looks like a massacres happened' or 'happy birthday' then that pic pops up reminding her.

My brother and SIL lost their little boy 3 weeks before my 17 month old was born - she's seen him 3 times, my brother 4 or 5, neither of them has held him because it's too hard for them, my older children they can, so it may be that the BIL and SIL in the OP can cope with other people's children and not the OPs - maybe due to the blood link or did they ever conceive and loose a baby? as if that child 'should' be around the same age as the OPs son that may be a reason

Also just a thought they've met the husband in those 14 months but not the OP or the son, is this because the OP doesn't really go out without the baby? (I was just stopping breastfeeding at that point, so if someone was avoiding my baby for that year, they'd inadvertantly be avoiding me too) - if the OP isn't obviously pregnant maybe her husband could see about arranging a dinner, with the 4 adults - banning all baby talk (existing, future or lack of) and maybe you could build some sort of relationship if that's what you all want

FatVonD

FamilyFeuds wrote: »

No my husband is very upset by their behaviour (not just facebook) and is questioning this.

OP, many people have asked (and you'll have read people speculating on) whether the relationship between both couples has been close in the past as obviously this has a huge bearing on things but you've declined to comment, I'm guessing this is because it wasn't (I think you would have said if it had been?) Did the 4 of you regularly meet up before or was it just at family gatherings?

I can understand that your husband is upset that you are upset but you both know the reason why (and that surely can't have been something that was easy for a man to admit, even to his own brother?) You've mentioned that they see other family members and friends that are parents and you also say that they are always doing fun stuff. Do these other people maybe leave their kids with someone else and do child-free activities with them? I appreciate you can't leave your bump at home but your sole reason for wanting to see them seems to be that you activelywant them to meet your son, the very thing that they would currently find too painful to do.

If one of your friends had been humiliatingly jilted at the altar you wouldn't keep her fully updated every step of the way on your own forthcoming nuptials, would you?

If your friend had suffered a devastating facial disfigurement you wouldn't pop to the salon to have your hair and make up done before visiting her, would you?

If a friend had just been made redundant and looked like losing everything would you put news of your own fabulous promotion on hold for another time?

You are currently pregnant, you have so much and they have so little, can you not find it in yourself to be the bigger person and not force a confrontation (because no good is going to come of it for either of you.)

I can't help but notice that almost every post mentions the loss of your dad and lack of support. Is it possible that this is the real issue? Maybe with a small baby (I"m not sure when last year it happened) you simply didn't have time to grieve his passing properly and that maybe now some bereavement counseling might help?

Edwardia

I can see that as you have what your sister in law desperately wants, she won't want to be around you and she might feel that you're rubbing it in her face (even if you're not).

Forget her and her issues, concentrate on your family ie your husband, child and unborn baby. The stress isn't good for the baby or you and if you're forever picking on his siblings you put your husband in a difficult position, especially if he's getting pressure from family members to get along with everyone.

I don't get along with OH's sister she's the biggest bi@tch on the planet as well as being an avaricious fool. I just avoid whenever poss but don't ever stop OH talking to his family or visiting.

My SIL sent me a letter saying she was upset because her mother had cancer blah blah. I showed OH he jumped in car went to see his mother with letter. Complete fabrication from SIL designed to make me feel bad. I guess she didn't think I would share it with my husband lol.

So who cares if SIL unfriends you on Facebook. Not everything is about you, be supportive of OH, give your children the opportunity to know their relatives. Doesn't matter whether you like them, avoid them.

mountainofdebt

The other thing to consider is what sort of facebook poster are you?

Are you the sort to post every minute deal on it?

I've not unfriended people on facebook but I've altered certain people's settings so that I don't receive updates from them for this very reason.

And I log on once in a blue moon.

Onearmedbandit_2

It's easier said than done but try not to let it upset you. I've had trouble from my DH's family from day 1. We've been married 14 yrs , together 16 and have 6 children together. Both his sisters are utter !!!!!es and think my hubby should put his mother and them before me and our children. Hubby disagrees, it's always been me that encouraged him to phone , send cards etc.After a big falling out over him not putting his mother before me he no longer speaks to them as like he says, we're all the family he needs. His family think I'm a snob as my family are ok off and his aren't. I really don't care. Their loss. My oldest is 13 and sees what goes on and now chooses to not spk to his aunts and has took them off Facebook . His choice entirely. My DH loves his mother she lives 15 mins away , we see her 2-3 times a year. But all the children know that she doesn't bother. I'll always encourage hubby to try with his mum but as for the sisters, good riddance.

FatVonD

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Are you the sort to post every minute deal on it?

I don't think you even need to do that though, do you? Doesn't just adding pictures to your library (is it called that , can you tell I'm not on FB? :rotfl:) or being tagged send a little update that says 'FatVonD has just added 3 new pictures' kind of thing?

pinkclouds

FatVonD wrote: »

I don't think you even need to do that though, do you? Doesn't just adding pictures to your library (is it called that , can you tell I'm not on FB? :rotfl:) or being tagged send a little update that says 'FatVonD has just added 3 new pictures' kind of thing?

Everything my "friends" do pops up in my notifications list. I believe you can edit your settings so you aren't notified of such trivia. However, the easiest solution to stop the notifications is obviously to "de-friend".