Family Issue causing upset

FamilyFeuds

What would you do re family issue which is really upsetting me?

My brother in law (husbands brother) and sister in law have never really been overly bothered about the family. We haven't met up as a group for a long time but my husband has met with his brother every few months to go to the pub and cinema. We had a little boy last year who is now 14 months and are expecting another baby. They have never met their nephew and have never shown any interest which upsets us. We have had a real tough couple of years losing my dad and fertility issues so things have not been easy for us. They are struggling to conceive which I can sympathise with as I have been there and you never forget what it is like.

A few months ago my brother in law removed me from facebook (said it was an accident but never reinstated me) and then a few days ago my sister in law removed me. They are both friends (and family relations) with my husband and exchange messages with him. The day after I was removed, she posted about how many wonderful people she has in her life and how she values all of them.

I have never been rude to them, would love them to be involved and just feel that my son and I are being punished whilst they want to continue the relationship with my husband. I have talked to my husband about this in the past and also his parents are aware but everyone just lets things go on. I am going to tell him later about the fact that she has now removed me but I know he will get stressed, not know how to deal with it and it will only start arguments which I just don't want. I am however really hurt by all this.

Any advice on how best to tackle this?

NAR

I think there are many terrible things going on in the world and you being snubbed, on Facebook of all things, by an in-law ranks . . . . . . .where?

Georgia_Pa

This sounds rather complaicated.

Have you had any fights with your IL's? Have you done anything that has upset them on facebook or anything that may explain why their behavior is like this?

If you haven't seen them or even spoken to them I cannot imagine what their problem is. What does your OH think?

Sambucus_Nigra

You can handle it be realising that they are tw@ts. And they are obviously trying to hurt you and so far are succeeding. The more you are hurt by it the more it will satisfy them. So - pretend it doesn't matter; pretend you haven't noticed they have blocked you, get on with your life and let them get on with theirs. What do they bring to your table anyway?

19lottie82

FamilyFeuds wrote: »

Any advice on how best to tackle this?

Yes, don't. Forget about it and move on. If they don't want a relationship with you then there's not a lot you can do about it.

Uniscots97

didn't want to read and run. I've had a similar situation and without going into detail had to accept thier choice, mine was basically not to get pulled into their nonsense (it made me very angry and upset and they still try and play games). The best way you can approach this is be yourself, talk to your OH about how it makes you feel but also they don't need to be involved in your lives to make it complete or happy. You sound like you have lots of wonderful people around you to spoil the little ones (whether it be actual family or friends, after all our friends are the family we choose for ourselves). Leave your BIL and SIL to their lot, they may come round they may not, they may have worries in their lives they are not ready to share. But for the moment concentrate on you, your OH and the little ones.

Caroline73_2

They are struggling to conceive, you have a 14 month old and are pregnant again.

You are a reminder of what they haven't got.

Rightly or wrongly, its probably why they unfriended you on FB.

the_cat

Well if you have never been close and you never really see them and as you say, they are not bothered about family, then they are not much of a loss really are they?

You can twist yourself into knots wishing for an ideal family scenario where everyone gets on happily and is great friends. That however requires them to act in a certain way and you can't force them to do so. They are showing no inclination and probably won't change whatever you do

Concentrate on those who do care. Other family, your OH, your child and friends. Bitter rows and griping about something you can't change will only serve to frustrate you further and may impact on your relationships with these other, more important people

nickyhutch

It's not only on Facebook, is it? I think what probably rankles most is that husband still maintains a relationship but doesn't seem assed that it upsets his wife that BIL and SIL don't seem to want to know her.

If it were me, I'd be making sure husband talked to them, whether it stresses him or not, and if he flatly refused, I'd be popping round myself for a chat to see what I'd done wrong.

londonsurrey

Focus your time and energy on people who are worth it and who appreciate you. In-laws are not chosen by you, and they don't love you, that's just the luck of the draw. What's important is that your OH loves you.

nickyhutch

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

You can handle it be realising that they are tw@ts. And they are obviously trying to hurt you and so far are succeeding. The more you are hurt by it the more it will satisfy them. So - pretend it doesn't matter; pretend you haven't noticed they have blocked you, get on with your life and let them get on with theirs. What do they bring to your table anyway?

And that's another good way to look at it, OP. I don't get on with my SIL (OH's sister). She clearly detests me and I couldn't care less.