Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

littlerat

My idea of a meal out tends to be on a day out (like at a zoo etc) or fish and chips or other takeaways, typically a tenner per person (not well off, I'd not enjoy a £50 meal as my mind would be constantly on how much it cost!)

To be honest I'm now thinking I'm odd as I'd automatically add up my £6.95 plus £1.25 for a drink or whatever. It's not that I'd actually mind paying an extra 50p towards somebody else's meal, it just have never crossed my strange mind that it's not normal! If somebody suggested splitting, it wouldn't bother me if it was a small difference, but bare in mind a day out I typically have maybe £10 of buffer money. Most of my friends are the same though, none of us can just spend an extra £20 or £30 on a whim.

I'm working on somewhere without tips here though, I've never been anywhere where tips are expected or added as a surcharge, generally places where people put some/all their change as tips, or none at all. Yes, ie, cheap places

Pub meals I guess a tip is normal but not been to one in 2 1/2 years and never been the person paying, so....*shrug*

thegirlintheattic

FBaby wrote: »

If you went on holiday with friends, with them staying 10 days and you 7, would you find it right that you decided to share the cost of the holiday, despite them enjoying an extra 3 days of it (say you can only have a week off work)?

I would actually, particularly if it was a packaged deal. If a holiday is advertised at 370pp for 10 days, then why should someone staying 10 days be forced to pay more but someone else wants to go home early. I can kind of understand it if it was an accommodation only thing but then presumably the person staying longer would not have to pay for the other person not being there.

We've had this situation before actually. This was when two large cottages were booked for a group holiday over new years - all of us had verbally agreed that we'd split it equally then one or two people decided that they only wanted to come for two days of the week and so didn't want to pay (the mentalility was as we would have the cottage anyway there would be no problems them 'crashing' there for a few nights). They were politely told that as the cottage costs the same no matter how many were staying that they would either have to pay their share or we'd get people who would. They paid in the end and decided to stay the full week.

rising_from_the_ashes

liney wrote: »

I'd start randomly leaving a little earlier then normal. Not every time, but enough for them to stop assuming you will be there to give them a lift if they decide to get another drink instead of the last bus/taxi they ordered. It sounds like they take it for granted you will be available.

Funnily enough that thought has crossed my mind:)

llh189 wrote: »

I am single so do not have the benefit in my life of a dual income to pay bills etc
........

I would say to those who have posted that you are a cheapskate for only wanting to pay for your own share, that maybe sometimes it is better in life to try and think about others and making assumptions about people often lead to you making incorrect assumptions!

My not wanting to pay for several bottles of wine that I did not drink has nothing to do with me being tight but everything to do with me not having the budget to buy wine in restaurants and about me making choices that fit in with my budget and not over extending myself.

This is so me - everyone else I go out with is part of a couple so the very nature of that usually means more disposable income ie my household costs are £700 / month out of my salary alone, a couple living in the same house would maybe cost around £50 / month more (CT and hot water tbh - costs the same to heat the house, cook etc) so, say £750 but divide that by 2 and you're down to £375 / person ... that is a big difference.

littlerat wrote: »

It's not that I'd actually mind paying an extra 50p towards somebody else's meal, it just have never crossed my strange mind that it's not normal!

I wouldn't mind if it was a couple of £s but we're usually talking at least £20 (plus the fuel costs of getting them all home) - and I'm sorry but I can't afford that.

erichamster

Dunroamin wrote: »

But going out for a meal isn't to do with normal appetite any more than going out for a drink is because you're thirsty. I also don't really see how you can spend an evening just having one course - most restaurants would ask you to leave after an hour.

I quite understand people's problems when on a budget but, personally, if I couldn't afford to do it without watching every penny I just wouldn't go.

I don't understand this really, so when you go for a meal you just disregard your appetite and eat as much as physically possible, doesn't sound like much fun to me really. I also wouldn't expect to stay in a restaurant all evening, nor would I want to, we'd prob stay 1 to 2 hours and then move on to a bar etc.
Again this is probably an age/culture of the place you live in thing, we go out for drinks far more than meals.

And not another, "why don't the poor just stay at home, they're putting us off our caviar" poster!

I'm sure you would still go out if you had limited means as you obviously enjoy it, you would adapt, obviously because you've never had to take price into consideration, I suppose you can't imagine it. That's not a criticism btw, OH and I could choose to have more stressful lives/move to a less beautiful location in order to earn more money so that we could spend more on meals out etc but I can't imagine wanting to do that.

It just depends on your priorities in life, eating out isn't particularly one of mine.

Doom_and_Gloom

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

In this scenario, I think it would be a nice gesture to offer to pay for your friends' meal out, at least once, for having you to stay (presumably for free?) A thank you for having us. That's what we'd do and have enjoyed ourselves from friends.

I'm sorry but you seem to have missed the part where I said

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

The friends we are staying at have two full time incomes coming in whereas we do not. We will be buying a bottle of alcohol for them and a few other bits as staying with them means no hotel costs (if we had to pay for hotel it would be impossible to stay as long as we are planning).

The bottle of drink we are buying to take for them costs about £20 on it's own (it isn't like we are taking a £5 bottle of wine or something). These are friends with expencive tastes and have the money to pay for their tastes. I'm sure the drink and the few other bits will be fine though as a thank you as they know our situation with money and will be very greatful for the drink. We will probably buy them a drink each while out one of the days there and as their drinks are around £7 each (see what I mean about expencive taste) I doubt they would even allow us to buy them a meal out as well or indeed instead. It will probably be difficult even getting them to accept a round of drinks on us that we won't allow them to repay with one from them as they will think the bottle of drink is enough but if we can do so we will. These are really good friends of ours and they won't even be expecting the bottle we will be taking as they have included us staying with them as part of the Yule gift with the concert!

elvis86

llh189 wrote: »

When the bill arrived my share was £30'ish based on what I had, then someone I don't know turns to my friend and says put your cash away it is our birthday treat for you especially as some of us haven't had time to get you a gift, we'll get yours, and then just splits the bill 9 ways - my share was now £52!

Given the circumstances I didn't not feel that I could say anything, especially as I had never met any of the people before.

llh189 wrote: »

I also to be honest felt terrible for my friend as she in turn, knowing my financial situation felt terrible about me having to pay £60 towards the evening, I of course tried to make her feel that it absolutely was not a problem.

I'm sorry, but "feeling terrible" after the event is useless. Your friend should have said something. Presumably she knew all about your financial situation? When you didn't object to her friends' suggestion that you split the bill (perhaps understandably, as you didn't know them), she could have easily said "That's a lovely gesture guys, but [llh189] has come a long way to celebrate with me, she hasn't been drinking, and she got me a lovely gift already, so I think she should put in less". I would have if that was my friend.

llh189 wrote: »

One thing is for sure though, I shan't ever go out with that group of people again, in the end it was not the bill splitting that was a problem by the assumption they were in charge and no one else's opinion or circumstances mattered.

To be fair to them, it doesn't sound like you expressed an opinion? People aren't psychic...:cool:

Derivative

I just pay for my own regardless of whether someone's said "shall we split the bill".

Makes no difference. If I've spent £17 and I put in £17, then the rest of the group is still splitting the bill.

I never tip at restaurants and I always tot up the value of my food as I order it, so that's not an issue.

I don't really see the difficulty, if I spent £x, £x comes out of my wallet. If someone else mentioned anything, I'd just politely tell them that I've put in the correct amount for my meal.

Always bring change to restaurants. Always.

Dunroamin

erichamster wrote: »

I don't understand this really, so when you go for a meal you just disregard your appetite and eat as much as physically possible, doesn't sound like much fun to me really. I also wouldn't expect to stay in a restaurant all evening, nor would I want to, we'd prob stay 1 to 2 hours and then move on to a bar etc.
Again this is probably an age/culture of the place you live in thing, we go out for drinks far more than meals.
.

But do you go out for drinks because you're thirsty? Do you sit at home and drink several pints of some kind of liquid? It seems to me the same thing as eating more when you go out.

Anyway, I expect most of us eat more substantially when we're at home than restaurant portions, which is why it's possible to eat three courses without making a pig of yourself.

elvis86

Derivative wrote: »

I just pay for my own regardless of whether someone's said "shall we split the bill".

Makes no difference. If I've spent £17 and I put in £17, then the rest of the group is still splitting the bill.

I never tip at restaurants and I always tot up the value of my food as I order it, so that's not an issue.

I don't really see the difficulty, if I spent £x, £x comes out of my wallet. If someone else mentioned anything, I'd just politely tell them that I've put in the correct amount for my meal.

Always bring change to restaurants. Always.

I would hate to dine out with you.

In a restaurant it's polite to tip where the service has been good. Presumably the rest of the group split the bill and tip (unless they're all bad-mannered tightwads too), so despite putting in the exact amount for your food and drink(s), the rest of the party are paying a tip on your behalf? So you're actually as bad as people who "take advantage" when a bill is split.:cool:

euronorris

Spendless wrote: »

And what did you say to your former friends about it at the time when they challenged you- which I find bizarre.

I reiterated my view point - that I will eat far less than them (I was, and still am to some degree, quite a fussy eater - but didn't want this to stop me from socialising with my friends), and I don't plan to drink alcohol, so it isn't fair to split the bill. It turned into a bit of an argument, but luckily for me, some others in the group agreed with me and so they eventually backed down (under protest).

It is bizarre. I was quite shocked myself! But then, this was quite a while ago, when we were all around 20ish, or thereabouts.