Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

bestpud

poet123 wrote: »

Not sure what you mean? I order what I want and expect others to do the same. I don't keep a running tab of what x has had and what y has had as compared to me. That isn't what I go out for

Sometimes it's so obvious you can't not notice!

Also, I think in the OP's case (and I'd have been the same), they don't need to keep tabs on the others - they just need to know their own budget. If people then split at the end, chances are they may not have enough if others have ordered more. It could go the other way though, of course!

It's about personal budget more than whether or not to split a group bill iykwim? I do think being clear from the outset is the best move.

poet123

bestpud wrote: »

Sometimes it's so obvious you can't not notice!

Also, I think in the OP's case (and I'd have been the same), they don't need to keep tabs on the others - they just need to know their own budget. If people then split at the end, chances are they may not have enough if others have ordered more. It could go the other way though, of course!

It's about personal budget more than whether or not to split a group bill iykwim? I do think being clear from the outset is the best move.

It has never happened to me then!!

If we eat with close friends we split the bill, if with colleagues we pay separately. Not sure we have ever had a conversation about it, it has just evolved.

melanzana

Surely if you go to dinner with friends, you know them, and you know the way things work. If you are unhappy with the way the bill operates, and feel resentful, why do you go out with them? Or indeed why are you not upfront and say you would rather pay your own bill.

It can be done in a very nice way, and honestly, once you say it, no one is going to challenge you, and others may indeed get the courage to do the same. Those who want to split the bill can do that, those who want to pay for themselves do that too.

I don't see the problem, honestly, if you for example are a non drinker/diabetic etc. and never have anything but water, and no dessert EVER, with the same bunch of friends, then my dears speak up before you start. It will empower you!

And I agree with Poet123, if I'm with family or friends I'm more than happy to split the bill, with colleagues it's each to their own.

euronorris

Spendless wrote: »

If people are unhappy with split bills and are a limited budget, then I can understand you getting stung once. After that why aren't people saying at the start of the meal that they will be paying for their own meal only and if the others still want to share then that's up to them? Similarly announce you will be buying your own drinks on a pay as you go basis.

I always say up front, if I want to pay only for mine (as I typically have less food, and less (if any) alcohol). But....I have, on more than one occasion, have people kick up a fuss about it, tell me not to be so tight and that 'we ARE splitting the bill!'. !!!!!!? Why should I pay for more than what I ordered? Because of the company? Why on earth should I have to pay for the company of my friends?

Those 'friends' have quickly been dropped, and I'm now lucky enough to have a group of friends who will each pay for their own in full, as standard. And when someone is feeling flush, then we'll treat the others to dessert, or to a round of drinks etc. But we never, ever, put anyone under pressure to pay for more than they've had. Why would we? Ensuring each pays for their own share is not that difficult, and I don't see why it should be at all embarrassing.

bestpud

poet123 wrote: »

It has never happened to me then!!

If we eat with close friends we split the bill, if with colleagues we pay separately. Not sure we have ever had a conversation about it, it has just evolved.

I guess it hasn't happened to a lot of people as we tend to mix with people similar to ourselves.

I imagine it can be more of a problem within families or with groups who don't know each other very well and are from different back grounds.

FBaby

Friends gathering is a piece of cake for OH and I. Our problem is with family...because both his and mine will insist no matter what on paying either everything, or at the very best (after arguing for way too long) half, although there are two of them and four of us. We both try very hard to accept that if they do it, it is because they can afford it (they can indeed) and want to, but it still makes it uncomfortable and we have at times refused to go out to dinner with them because of it.

SqueekyMouse

I remember going out for a meal with a very large group and we agreed to split the bill, however one person didn't have cash so said "I'll take the money and pay the full amount on my card" We'd all put in enough to cover the service charge which was included on the bill, and a substantial further tip. I'm fairly sure she pocketed the extra tip we left and just payed the amount given on the bill.
I now really dislike splitting the bill!

Also when I go out for a meal, which isn't often I like to treat myself, so tend to want to order a starter, main, pudding, maybe a side as well and I don't want to look at the prices and feel guilty that someone else will have to subsidise my greed!!!

Spendless

euronorris wrote: »

I always say up front, if I want to pay only for mine (as I typically have less food, and less (if any) alcohol). But....I have, on more than one occasion, have people kick up a fuss about it, tell me not to be so tight and that 'we ARE splitting the bill!'. !!!!!!? Why should I pay for more than what I ordered? Because of the company? Why on earth should I have to pay for the company of my friends?

Those 'friends' have quickly been dropped, and I'm now lucky enough to have a group of friends who will each pay for their own in full, as standard. And when someone is feeling flush, then we'll treat the others to dessert, or to a round of drinks etc. But we never, ever, put anyone under pressure to pay for more than they've had. Why would we? Ensuring each pays for their own share is not that difficult, and I don't see why it should be at all embarrassing.

And what did you say to your former friends about it at the time when they challenged you- which I find bizarre.

Lunar_Eclipse

Doom_and_Gloom wrote: »

We are going to be going out next month to eat - we are staying with a friend of mine as they bought concert tickets for us for Yule.
I'm very sure my friends would rather us pay for what we have while out and be able to stay down an extra day then split the bill and have to go home earlier.

In this scenario, I think it would be a nice gesture to offer to pay for your friends' meal out, at least once, for having you to stay (presumably for free?) A thank you for having us. That's what we'd do and have enjoyed ourselves from friends.

norabatty_2

Sorry, don't have time/couldn't be bothered to read through all the responses but when I'm out with family/friends, it is usually suggested to split the cost of food equally - those not drinking alcohol contribute another fiver for their drink and tip, the rest (including tip) is covered by those drinking alcohol. Seems fair enough to me. So people drinking alcohol usually end up paying a tenner more than those who don't drink alcohol.

However, when I'm out with friends who I know/suspect are strapped for cash, I will suggest that we each pay for our own as you can often tell what way people are thinking from what they order.