Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

poet123

I am currently on a diet, but I went out with the same group of friends I usually go out with twice a month. They kept to their usual pattern, some had starters, some had desserts, some had both, and ordered wine for the table. I had a two starters and one glass of wine, then switched to water. It never even occurred to me not to do as we would normally do which is split the bill. In the past others have variously been recovering from surgery, on diets, under the weather etc so have eaten/drunk less. When I am not on a diet I rarely eat/drink as much as most of them do, but I am out for the company not to ensure the bill is equally split to the penny.

Mojisola

poet123 wrote: »

I am currently on a diet, but I went out with the same group of friends I usually go out with twice a month. They kept to their usual pattern, some had starters, some had desserts, some had both, and ordered wine for the table. I had a two starters and one glass of wine, then switched to water. It never even occurred to me not to do as we would normally do which is split the bill. In the past others have variously been recovering from surgery, on diets, under the weather etc so have eaten/drunk less. When I am not on a diet I rarely eat/drink as much as most of them do, but I am out for the company not to ensure the bill is equally split to the penny.

As said before, when you're in a group where there's an ebb and flow of sometimes one person's meal costing less and sometimes someone else's does, no-one is bothered.

It's when the same people always order the expensive meals and drink and still expect the others to subsidise them, time after time.

Spendless

If people are unhappy with split bills and are a limited budget, then I can understand you getting stung once. After that why aren't people saying at the start of the meal that they will be paying for their own meal only and if the others still want to share then that's up to them? Similarly announce you will be buying your own drinks on a pay as you go basis.

poet123

Mojisola wrote: »

As said before, when you're in a group where there's an ebb and flow of sometimes one person's meal costing less and sometimes someone else's does, no-one is bothered.

It's when the same people always order the expensive meals and drink and still expect the others to subsidise them, time after time.

I suppose if it was so obvious, you would just stop socialising with them.

FatVonD

Spendless wrote: »

If people are unhappy with split bills and are a limited budget, then I can understand you getting stung once. After that why aren't people saying at the start of the meal that they will be paying for their own meal only and if the others still want to share then that's up to them? Similarly announce you will be buying your own drinks on a pay as you go basis.

I think that's the way to go too, say something when you're placing your order or even just ask the waiter/ess at that point for a separate bill. I don't know the age of the OP but I'm guessing they're quite young and on a steep learning curve!

Doom_and_Gloom

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

To be honest though, I think an evening meal out for £20 is cheap (our local curry last week was £34/head with shared starters, no dessert and limited alcohol) so I'd be happy paying an extra £5 or so, it's when it's an extra £40+ that I start to feel rather hard done by, which is easier done that one might think. I mentally budget £100 for a meal out for the two of us if we're out with friends (but we always pay by credit card so I don't 'stick to a budget'.)

If we're out for someone's birthday, I'd also be prepared to split the bill to cover the birthday person's, without them paying. I think this is fairly common too, so I'm in agreement that £20 was not enough, given the knowledge about meal cost (£16) before going.

You see I don't know what kind of places other people eat at but my partner and I can eat out on around £20. One of the last times we went out between us we had houmous with vegan flat bread (I had this to myself), brown rice, sweetcorn, falafel (partner had this to himself), cola and orange juice and that came to £20-ish (can't remember if it was a bit over or under), may not sound a lot but each part came in a bowl and then you pick what you want onto your plate - we were full.
We can also go to a place and get a vegan lasagne with 3 sides each for just under £20 which we will be going to next month even when you add a drink and vegan cake each it would be around £30 for the both of us. We will also go to an all you can eat vegan place that will cost £5.50 each plus cake (£2.75 ea) and drink (£1.80 ea at most) so just over £20 for my partner and I :cool:. Even if you include tips it isn't all that much and certainly not £20 each! I don't think we have ever spent £40+ on a meal out for the both of us.

By the way when paying for the bithday person it is usual for this to be discussed before you go not when you are there and have already budgeted for the event. We wouldn't be angry for paying a share of the birthday person if we had been told before hand but if it was said when we got to a place we would be as we always budget accordingly - yes we may take our debit cards but they are for emergency when out like that.

FBaby

poet123 wrote: »

I suppose if it was so obvious, you would just stop socialising with them.

It all comes down to paying attention. If my friends had not at some point noticed the discrepancy that was obvious at EVERY meal, then yes, I probably would have stopped going out at every meal and it wouldn't have been the same, but the reason why I might have stopped being friends with them would not have been because of the cost of the meals, but the fact that they were too absorbed to notice how much more I contributed and that not one of them, once, would have asked me if I was ok to split the bill everytime.

Instead I have lovely friends who without making a big deal of it, made a point after we'd been meeting a few times that it would be fairer for each pay our own. We are all very educated, so the exercise doesn't take us long.

bestpud

If I go out with friends we usually split the bill as we tend to eat roughly the same and usually drive so none of us drink. Last time, one of us had brought a voucher along but that person also had two beers so it worked out roughly the same at the end.

I have a family member though, who will order anything and everything, including adult meals for the kids when they were small. At the end of the meal, there is that much wasted food it is ridiculous, plus they always seem to take a just opened bottle of wine home with them. I refuse to pay for wasted food and I particularly refuse to pay for an adult meal for a five year old and then watch them eat one mouth full of it!

I see nothing tight about taking a set amount for a meal if I know the rough cost and a tight budget is a stupid reason for staying in!!

Rather I think it's a bit cheeky to tell people they should stay at home unless they are happy to subside your bill!

And why do people need three courses and lots of alcohol to enjoy themselves - if it's about the company then hard up friends are just as important, aren't they?

poet123

FBaby wrote: »

It all comes down to paying attention. If my friends had not at some point noticed the discrepancy that was obvious at EVERY meal, then yes, I probably would have stopped going out at every meal and it wouldn't have been the same, but the reason why I might have stopped being friends with them would not have been because of the cost of the meals, but the fact that they were too absorbed to notice how much more I contributed and that not one of them, once, would have asked me if I was ok to split the bill everytime.

Instead I have lovely friends who without making a big deal of it, made a point after we'd been meeting a few times that it would be fairer for each pay our own. We are all very educated, so the exercise doesn't take us long.

I suppose that if any of my very close friends were not of the same income bracket then it would be an issue, but that isn't the case, so it has never been necessary to address it. However, when I eat out with colleagues who are not close friends and not on the same salary level then it is done differently. Horses for courses.

How uneducated would you have to be not to be able to add up the cost of a couple of items!!:D it hardly requires a brain like a calculator.

lilac_lady

I eat out with different friends and with one group we all pay for our our meal separately at the till. No problems then about ordering what you want.

Another group splits the food bill but asks for a separate drinks bill so that people can have as much wine as they want, without expecting someone else to pay for it.

With friends eating out on a two person basis, we usually just split the bill.

Different choices for different situations.

One thing for sure, I hate it when it's obvious that a person is freeloading off their friends and doesn't expect anyone to notice!