Going Out for a Meal - The Awkward Moment When Someone Says...

duchy

elvis86 wrote: »

I don't know, but I sure as hell don't want them ruining my night by coming out to dinner, ordering a tap water and a starter and looking miserable all night.

If they can only afford to eat out once a year, perhaps they should indulge alone so as not to put themselves through the distress of discovering that someone they're dining with has ordered an extra drink and suggested splitting the bill, thus screwing up their household budget for the next 3 months?:cool:

See I don't choose my friends by their ability to drink .....but then I don't drink (well I do but so rarely most people assume I'm teetotal) but I also don't need alcohol to have a good time either but I'm not prepared to subsidize you just because you can't manage to have fun with your friends without it . [EMAIL="I'@m"]I'm[/EMAIL] often one of the loudest in a group -without booze.

If I know someone is struggling-or see them look worried when the bill appears I'll often quietly chip in a bit more for them but I don't work to subsidize those who feel entitled to have their drinks paid for and wrap it up as "You're tight/no fun if you don't" Fortunately over the years I've managed to quietly drop "friends" like that or only meet them in non meal settings.

liney

rising_from_the_ashes wrote: »

Ta - have one coming up in around a month's time, so will put that into practice!:)

I'd start randomly leaving a little earlier then normal. Not every time, but enough for them to stop assuming you will be there to give them a lift if they decide to get another drink instead of the last bus/taxi they ordered. It sounds like they take it for granted you will be available.

duchy

Dunroamin wrote: »

A general question for those who say that they go out for dinner and only have one course and don't drink - what do you do for the rest of the evening while everyone else is eating and drinking?

What do you do-Go around checking what people have in their glasses????? How sad is THAT !!!


Good thing you weren't out with us on Friday -I had lime and soda -Strangely it looked no different to some of the alcoholic drinks our group had -for some strange reason it did absolutely nothing to affect the evening either way. We had a brillient night-meal and a concert and no noses out of joint !

Why is it certain people get so desperately pulled out of shape if everyone else isn't drinking alcohol too? Is it a sign of a drink problem or something else ?

Dunroamin

PasturesNew wrote: »

Well - they're also usually chatting, so sit and join in or listen.

Starters don't take long to wolf down... nor does dessert. So it's not an issue.

I've also rarely been anywhere where everybody has a starter and/or everybody has a dessert. Nobody notices.... it's not like everybody sits with their arms by their sides, silently, waiting for each course.

I don't think I've been out to a proper restaurant where everybody didn't have 3/4 courses - I think I'd feel really awkward sitting for 2/3 hours while everybody else was eating.

My book group went out fora New Year lunch with one member who doesn't eat anything at lunch time and she just sat there all the time and it really rather spoiled the occasion.

Dunroamin

duchy wrote: »

What do you do-Go around checking what people have in their glasses????? How sad is THAT !!!


Good thing you weren't out with us on Friday -I had lime and soda -Strangely it looked no different to some of the alcoholic drinks our group had -for some strange reason it did absolutely nothing to affect the evening either way. We had a brillient night-meal and a concert and no noses out of joint !

Why is it certain people get so desperately pulled out of shape if everyone else isn't drinking alcohol too? Is it a sign of a drink problem or something else ?

It was the one course and the glass of tap water I was asking about, not whether people were drinking soft drinks or not!

erichamster

Dunroamin wrote: »

A general question for those who say that they go out for dinner and only have one course and don't drink - what do you do for the rest of the evening while everyone else is eating and drinking?

Is this an age thing I wonder?

Oh and I are in our 20s and have never been for a meal with friends when most/anyone ate 3 courses. Occassionally 2 courses yes but then the ones eating dessert or a starter would be in the minority so everyone else would just chat and have another drink, etc.

What you do when not eating or drinking in a restaurant can't be a big mystery, surely you don't spend the entire time you are in a restaurant silently shovelling food into your mouth?!

It might be because we live in Cornwall where wages are low and most jobs are in hospitality/service but 3 courses are certainly not the norm for us. I don't see the point, one course or two at most would always fill me up at home, why would I want to eat more when we're out?

plzhelpmesave!

I went abroad recently with for a working visit with about 8 other people who I didn't really know. Only 3 big drinkers yet we all ended up splitting the bill - i was paying 20 euro for a coke!! Also, the unofficial group leader who had been to this country before, recommended places to eat which were expensive,whereas most of us would have gone for cheaper food options...but it was about keeping the peace in the group at the time and everyone being unsure as in a new place with new people.

NEXT TIME, i will be upfront - say as I don't drink I wont be paying towards alcohol and can we set a lunch budget!

sheilavw

I remember one occasion, probably 19 or 20 years ago and someone was leaving work as having a baby and we were all going to an italian. One girl said I just cant afford to go, her partner was out of work. We got a copy of the menu and the cheapest thing at the time was £3.99 for a lasagne. She worked out with persuasion she could just afford to go and have this and one coke with the £5 she had . Early on people were saying take note what you have had so we can split bill. By the end of the night one person who had had 3 courses and loads of wine said Oh lets just split it. They then asked her for £15, of course she didnt have it, and some people made her feel bad by their comments

llh189

It always seems that it is the people with lots of cash and have drunk the most are the ones who always assume that equally splitting the bill is ok.

I think it is the assumption that I find the most annoying thing.

I recently went out for a friends birthday, with her friends that I don't know. Prior to going out I checked with my friend how her and her friends deal with the bill at the end of the evening when they have usually been out.

This I thought I meant that I would be prepared!

I bought my friend a really lovely birthday gift and she told me that her mum had given her £50 specifically for her birthday dinner.

So fast forward to the evening, I live 40 miles away from the restaurant, I bought my own first drink and one for my friend, Soda water for me and large glass of wine for her £8.

At dinner I choose nice but cheap things and didn't get another drink, everyone else on the table had wine / several pints of beer.

When the bill arrived my share was £30'ish based on what I had, then someone I don't know turns to my friend and says put your cash away it is our birthday treat for you especially as some of us haven't had time to get you a gift, we'll get yours, and then just splits the bill 9 ways - my share was now £52!

Given the circumstances I didn't not feel that I could say anything, especially as I had never met any of the people before.

I found it especially annoying as everyone in the group apart from my friend was their with their partners - all of whom are childless and have professional jobs.

I am single so do not have the benefit in my life of a dual income to pay bills etc - if I had known that the dinner was going to cost £60 in total I simply would not have gone and done something on my own with my friend. That pretty much covered my entire monthly going out budget, so it meant that for the rest of that month which was about 25 days was so restricted money wise that I began to resent that night out.

I would say to those who have posted that you are a cheapskate for only wanting to pay for your own share, that maybe sometimes it is better in life to try and think about others and making assumptions about people often lead to you making incorrect assumptions!

My not wanting to pay for several bottles of wine that I did not drink has nothing to do with me being tight but everything to do with me not having the budget to buy wine in restaurants and about me making choices that fit in with my budget and not over extending myself.

I also to be honest felt terrible for my friend as she in turn, knowing my financial situation felt terrible about me having to pay £60 towards the evening, I of course tried to make her feel that it absolutely was not a problem.

One thing is for sure though, I shan't ever go out with that group of people again, in the end it was not the bill splitting that was a problem by the assumption they were in charge and no one else's opinion or circumstances mattered.

Dunroamin

erichamster wrote: »

It might be because we live in Cornwall where wages are low and most jobs are in hospitality/service but 3 courses are certainly not the norm for us. I don't see the point, one course or two at most would always fill me up at home, why would I want to eat more when we're out?

But going out for a meal isn't to do with normal appetite any more than going out for a drink is because you're thirsty. I also don't really see how you can spend an evening just having one course - most restaurants would ask you to leave after an hour.

I quite understand people's problems when on a budget but, personally, if I couldn't afford to do it without watching every penny I just wouldn't go.